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Oh my god, social services have contacted DP, am distraught please please help!

(51 Posts)
desperateforadvice Thu 07-Jul-11 18:51:54

Cam home from work at the weekend (gone three hours) to find Dp unconscious on the floor, he's soiled himself. Found two bottles of wine and later some prescription meds I didnt know he was on (nerve pills).

Couldnt rouse him so called for an ambulance.

Anyway, he spent one night in a and e, no psychiatric evaluation or anything he just said it was a 'mistake.'

He had a phone call at work today from man saying he was from social services and could a lady called X come to see him tomorrow as she was in the area, she aas supposed to ring back but didnt.

Am now totally and utterly panicking, is this normal practice, I have no objection to them wanting to check up as the paramedics were aware that Dp was left in charge of the DC (I told them I was so bloody upset and angry!) but how have they got his work tel number (and initially they asked for our son's name not him althoughthey realised there mistake when DP pointed it out. I doidnt tell the paramedics his name and that just makes me more stressed and upset, how have they got this information.

I should say that DP will never be left in sole charge of the dp at night time again (I have never known him drink anything at all in the day). Thankfully it was just a little part time job, I work in thre day normally.

We have never been in touch with SS for any reason before. DP struggles with deprerssion and other issues but is normally a 'good' dad.

Please tell me they wont be taking my children, I am in such a bad way.....

MotherPanda Thu 07-Jul-11 18:55:35

Of course they won't be taking your children away! You are still a capable parent! they just need to make sure it doesnt happen again - and so do you.

I'm sure he is a wonderful dad, but it might be prudent to make sure he isnt left in sole charge of the dcs during this tricky period. Make sure he gets help.

SS are there to help - not to tell you off and steal your children!

feckwit Thu 07-Jul-11 18:59:46

social services don't just walk in and remove children, it is actually a pretty complicated process.

Right, first up, your husband was alone with your DC - how old are they? SS will want to establish whether your children are in danger, after all, a carer ending up unconscious due to a drink and prescription drug concoction is not exactly an ideal scenario for kids.

But as long as they are satisfied there is a responsible adult in the home (you) then they will want to offer support for your husband who doesn't sound like he is in a very good place. It is important you tell them all the issues so they can offer a package of support.

I'm assuming your husband has not been violent or aggressive to the children when drinking? What concerns me is it seems from your post, that there is nothing unusual in him drinking so they may raise concern about you leaving your DC with him if you know he drinks. You need to put a plan into place so your children are not left in his sole care at the moment.

They are not evil - they are there to help.

campingshop Thu 07-Jul-11 19:00:06

They won't be coming to take your children away so don't worry about that. They'll be coming to see how you all are and to make sure that you are getting any help that you might need. That's all. How old are your dc?

Northernlurker Thu 07-Jul-11 19:02:37

I think you may need to consider why your dp (who suffers from depression and other issues) felt it necessary to consume two bottles of wine and some anti-depressants. This was not an accident.
Of course you are parenting well and your children are safe but a parent who is contemplating harming themselves represents a risk to the well being of your children and I think social services would expect you to recognise that so that they can then work with both you to support you.

desperateforadvice Thu 07-Jul-11 19:02:49

Thank you mother for you kind words.

I have just been sobbing down the phone to my mum (she's not local so I have little close support at present).

I think its thrown me, the fact that they got hold of him at work, and my sons name was obviously known to them. Having said that i am sure I had a letter once (about something completely innocent like immunisations) saying that they would keep all his info on a file in childrens services or something so maye thats it???

Dp has needed proper mental health support for a long time but he (up to now) refuses to seek that help, only asking thre gp for anxiety meds.

Am devastated that he would leave our kids so vulnerable and alone.

I wont be able to eat or sleep or relax now until I know what they want...

campingshop Thu 07-Jul-11 19:09:25

It's understandable to feel worried when ss contact you and want to come and see you. They can easily find out all sorts of info regarding who lives with you etc so don't be surprised or worried about that.

They will most likely also speak to your GP, hv (if you have children under 5 ) and school nurse (if you have children over 5) and possibly the school so don't be surprised about this. It's to see if any of these other agencies have any concerns about the children and, like I said, to make sure that you are getting all the help that you need.

This kind of incident can be a turning point and an opportunity to put things right within your family. You sound like you've got your head screwed on but your dh's drinking and mental health problems sound quite serious and hopefully he can be put on the right road to recovery.

MotherPanda Thu 07-Jul-11 19:09:48

I would say that the doctors at a&e probably alerted social services.

I hope that your DP will accept help - if he's reluctant you can always say that its not just for him, its for you and the children too.

Sad that you dont have close support - are there any friends local? Is your mum able to come and visit soon?

Look after yourself, SS need to see a stable parent. Try to eat and sleep - I know its hard, i get the same when i'm upset, but if you dont everything is going to become much harder!

They probably want to make sure that you are in good shape, and they want to make sure that your partner isnt a risk to the children (and that he is seeking help).

desperateforadvice Thu 07-Jul-11 19:16:27

Thanks all

the kids are only 5 and 1 so very young and vulnerable. I am so anxious about their safety in everyday circumstances that this has actually traumatised me, I feel that I could happily never see DP again.....

I have given notice to the other job today and am happy for them to check that, I will not be leraving them alone with him for the foreseeable future.

If he wont seek hlp this time I cant see a future for us but as my Mum said wouldnt it be worse having to let him have access unsupervised etc etc...

Northernlurker Thu 07-Jul-11 19:26:21

I think you really need some support tbh.

Are you frightened of dp or of what he might do - or both?

michglas Thu 07-Jul-11 19:29:30

You wouldn't have to allow him unsupervised access to the children, the courts can make it a condition that he meets the kids at one of your relatives and is not allowed to take them on his own.

I think you need to be tough and say that if he won't get proper help, then you need to protect your children and get him to leave.

RollingInTheAisles Thu 07-Jul-11 19:33:21

I'm guessing a contact form was filled out for your husband at A&E and that's where they got the number from.

WibblyBibble Thu 07-Jul-11 19:37:20

They aren't going to take your children away from you, at least! They probably want to check that your partner won't be left alone with them, which honestly is completely reasonable as they could have been in serious danger with him being so irresponsible- it's very lucky you got back soon. There might also be adult social services wanting to offer him support, though I think more likely he'd get this through a CPN (community psych nurse) which is part of the NHS instead (if he's not offered this, you should probably ask about it). As long as you make sure they know you won't be leaving the children alone with him again until/unless he's completely sane, I think they'll probably just make a one off visit.

desperateforadvice Thu 07-Jul-11 19:48:00

Still cant understand why they haven't asked to see us as a famiy or couple though, because he could tell them anything!!

lookingfoxy Thu 07-Jul-11 19:56:45

Are you sure he's telling the truth about SS OP?
You could always contact them yourself to find out.

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 20:01:54

records are shared when tehre are children potentially at risk - eg A&E would nform GP would let them know. on this occasion your children were at risk - but now you can put inpace steps to make sure they are not left in his care.

look at it objectively - if you found a childminder or teacher in same situation what would you do/think?

SS can help you and DP access the right support for him and also possibly more support for the children - eg if you need to work they could help with a childminder for the children so that you dont need to leave them in his care.

is he thechildrens father?

right now it is clear he cant be left alone with them so you need to make otehr arrangements for now.

also whether you can care both for him (stop him drinking etc) AND the children?
is there some palce he could go or someone who can come stay with you?

he should be under community mental health team - ask for the crisis number so you can call them day or night.

but ask them is this adult SS team for him?
is it children in need for your children to talk to you about what to do now and how they can help/what help you need?

your DP must be willing to seek help so it wont happen again - if he wont then you need to consider him staying elsewhere til he is better .

can you trust DP in the night when you are all sleeping, not to do something?

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 20:02:44

but above all call SS yourself and ask how they can help you in this situation eg help with childcare etc.

desperateforadvice Thu 07-Jul-11 20:14:06


yes the dp are his. I dont doubt his love for them.

Right now I would prefer it if he were to go and stay elsewhere and give us all a break but he really has no-where to go (another long story but it is not DP at fault there)

I work office hours usually and I have nursery childcare for that.

He has never been violent or aggresive towards us.

I just want a normal happyish family, I try so damn hard for that, but now its all slipping though my fingers!!

cestlavielife Thu 07-Jul-11 23:46:35

he is ill - you said so "Dp has needed proper mental health support for a long time but he (up to now) refuses to seek that help, only asking thre gp for anxiety meds.

if he recognizes how he was he will get the help he needs....
take alcohol away
make sure he gets help

desperateforadvice Fri 08-Jul-11 10:19:11

Oh god, SS lady is coming around at 12!!! sad

They are coming to help, and not to blame you or take your DC away. They may be able to help you by getting your P to accept treatment and giving the family extra support.
Because I think you are going to have to insist that this man gets treatment or leaves the family home. YOu need to put your DC's welfare and your own ahead of his for the moment. Yes he's depressed, but he's an adult and he has a responsibility to do something about it; if he won't, he doesn't get to make the rest of the family suffer indefinitely.

cestlavielife Fri 08-Jul-11 10:45:58

be honest with SS lady about what help you think you /your dp needs; they can push for help and access services quicker.

cestlavielife Fri 08-Jul-11 10:46:35

SS can talk to his GP for example - what has DP said about all this?

desperateforadvice Fri 08-Jul-11 10:46:39

I agree Springchicken, I told him this a.m that if he doesnt seek proper help now that he needs to leave. I cant believe its come to this but it has.....sad

desperateforadvice Fri 08-Jul-11 10:48:39

Dp was just on the phone he said he had a brief chat with SS lady and when she read out the alert (ie intoxicated unconscious alone with two DC) he said well my 'line' is that it was a bad reaction to the meds!
I have said to him there is no point spinning a line, they will see through it a mile and even if they dont I intend to tell them the truth.

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