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Which would you choose?

(45 Posts)
minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 20:05:26

House A- Old cottage in rural/semi-isolated area of natural beauty. On edge of forest. Lovely cottage, huge garden. Tiny rural schools with good reputation. Woodburner central heating. No friends or family nearby. 3 buses a day and none on a Sunday! Nearest swimming pool, supermarket etc 25 miles away. Low crime rate so low insurance etc

House B- Average looking bungalow with average garden in good neighbourhood (suburbia!). Schools with good reputation. Pool, supermarket etc within a few miles. Good public transport. Friends and family nearby. Closer to a major city so more crime etc

We are a married couple with dc age 5, 7 and 10. What would you pick. A or B?

working3jobs Tue 04-Mar-14 20:14:11

do you drive?
what happens when eldest DC starts secondary school?
what if one of DC ill, if no mates/family around?

if all DC where very little, or if primary and secondary schools are within easy distance , i'd go for A.

kitsmummy Tue 04-Mar-14 20:25:52

A) the only downside I can see is the 25m to supermarkets (are there really none closer???) but I think this is something you would adapt too and if necessary just do the run once a week.

A sounds like absolute heaven to me!

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 20:31:01

Primary school and Secondary school for A are within 5-10 miles and dc bused from house so no school run to worry about.

Both myself and dh drive.

The no family etc nearby isnt a problem really as i am a sahm. Obviously in house b more chance of work for me with being nearer to family and closer to 'civilisation'.

LurkingCinners Tue 04-Mar-14 20:32:27

B - no doubt.

PrimalLass Tue 04-Mar-14 20:41:06

House B, unless you are going to get ponies or something else for them to do.

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 20:53:04

Mmm an interesting split!!

If I hadn't lived both these options I think I'd say A but I know the idea is a romantic one and the reality not so.

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 20:54:40

lurking why no doubt? I am interested because in a way I want pushed towards B.

Eastpoint Tue 04-Mar-14 21:04:54

b as tiny rural schools can be really poor if your children aren't average for that school, 25 miles to nearest anything is a long way, must be at least an hour round trip, what will happen when your children are older? Do you want to drive miles each time they are invited to the cinema? You'll be limiting their options too if you live somewhere remote, swimming lessons, music etc will all become too much effort.

MrsJamin Tue 04-Mar-14 21:24:45

B. Sure A sounds idyllic but it would be a nightmare for teenagers. Also friends and family cannot be underestimated.

LurkingCinners Tue 04-Mar-14 21:32:57

minkers, I grew up in a house A.
Hated it, from about age 10.
Nothing to do on a Sunday, no bus out of the village, no friends nearby as I went to a school further away than most primary school friends. After school there was one bus home, no after school activities possible.

Plus as a mum with small children I always had some sort of social life around me, otherwise I wouldn't have coped. I needed coffee meet ups or meeting to feed ducks in the park, going to the shops to buy stuff with the toddler, swimming, etc.
Being stuck in a pretty but rural village is my idea of hell. Thankfully, dh's too.

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 21:38:26

yes eastpoint it is more than an hour round trip, closer to an hour and a half because the roads are long and winding!

I have lived in A for 6 years. I am tired of the long drive to every activity although not all in town, some in nearest small village 7 miles away but it all adds up.

Everything takes much longer. Repairs, doing food shop, going to activities, heating the house grin

I joke but it is no joke. It all sounds very romantic. Lovely picturesque cottage, beautiful countryside, woodburning stove, tiny rural schools, 'niace' kids, but the reality is quite different. Solid fuel heating is time consuming , messy and a general pita. I wouldn't be with out a stove or fire but oh how I'd love the luxury of pushing a button on days when we are all sick or we have been out all day and we are frozen, returning to a freezing house and having to light the stove is time consuming as is sourcing and chopping the wood.

I have made 3 decent friends in my 6 years. One is also a sahm and quite frankly I rely heavily on her to keep me sane. It is not an easy place to make friends. Lots of people here 'to get away from it all' hmm

I miss my old life. Spontaneous cuppas with friends, friends and family popping in, ten supermarkets and 5 swimming pools all within half an hour!

But I love my house. I love all the good bits. It feels 'safe' here. The dc are in a little bubble of country life. They don't want to move but then they know no other life.

Dh and I struggle with this all the time. We just can't make a decision and I am fed up listening to myself going on about it.

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 21:47:45

lurking this is exactly what I miss. Having a social life. In my old life each day I would have another mum to go to the park with, to have round for a cuppa, to do stuff together with the dc. It isn't like that here. I might have my lovely friend over once at most twice a week whilst dc at school but meeting with other mums is limited to polite chat at the school gate on the odd day that I collect my dc rather than them coming home on the bus. I used to love time to myself now I am just plain fucking lonely. It actually takes a lot to say that because when I wake up on a morning, get the dc off to school, walk my dogs in beautiful countryside from my front door, often in lovely sunshine and always in peace with just the sound of the birds chirping, I feel really fucking guilty that inside I feel miserable. It makes me feel like a bit of a spoilt brat if that makes sense!

cafesociety Tue 04-Mar-14 22:00:56

Considering the ages of your DC and for friends and family, I would choose B. Also to be near amenities and not to feel cut off is vital for a young family I think.

For an older couple with a soon to be empty nest maybe A. Something to look forward to, but maybe not for now?

RalphRecklessCardew Tue 04-Mar-14 22:03:00

B. A would be bliss for about two weeks then it'd be like the Shining.

LurkingCinners Tue 04-Mar-14 22:04:52

minkers, it does make sense. You can enjoy the lovely countryside and still be lonely. I absolutely love the sponaneity of being able to meet friends for coffee after work before school run or going to the pub at the weekend and walking the 5 mins home.

I don't make really good friends that often so I would hate to move away to an area where people keep to themselves.

Also the fact that we have a small supermarket - open until 11pm in 3 walking minutes distance away has made my life a lot less stressful. No frantic late night realisation there is no milk for breakfast or no bread for lunch boxes.

Why not try and find a compromise? We live on the edge of suburbia, have a dog and I can walk him to the nearest woodland within 5 mins.

ShoeWhore Tue 04-Mar-14 22:10:00

Is there a halfway house?

I live in a tiny rural town and can walk to most everyday kind of amenities within 5-10mins but can also walk past them and into beautiful countryside. I order my supermarket shopping online and have it delivered smile but can walk to coop, butchers, greengrocers, bakery etc as well.

Another thought: is some of this to do with the age of your dcs? Mine are similar ages and I just don't have the daytime social life I used to have when I had them in tow. I am keeping myself pretty busy with some part time work, house renovations and last year I was also studying. But when dh is away I can go a whole day without having a proper adult conversation hmm

minkersmum Tue 04-Mar-14 22:25:01

shoe yes it most probably has. Bit of empty nest I think. Dh works away a couple of nights and whilst I enjoy the peace for the first day come the second I am desperate for someone to talk to.

I try to keep busy but it is all pretty mundane stuff. I would walk more with the dog but I would kill for some company. My friend walks with me sometimes but then I find myself moaning to her about how lonely I am sad, I'm sure she is sick of hearing it. I'm sick of it myself!

Eastpoint Tue 04-Mar-14 22:28:05

What about doing an online course? Tate Britain has courses on learning how to draw and there are lots of other things you could learn. If you had more connection with people outside your immediate circle do you think you would enjoy your remoteness more?

steppemum Tue 04-Mar-14 22:37:04

we lived in a pretty village, with a small (expensive ) shop, a school and my parents in same village.

Nearest shops, brownies, clubs, etc 15 minute drive. The countryside was nice, but I got so tired of having to get into a car for EVERY thing.

The nice local village school was a poor choice for my ds as only 1 other child his age, who he did not get on with.
We could never cycle anywhere as a family as too far and country roads too dangerous.

We moved. Into a large (ugly) town, not far away. There are downsides, but we have a corner sop, a library in our street, a school round the corner, buses for teenagers into town and to the cinema etc, Swimming pool 5 minutes away. Brownies, dancing, football training, etc etc all in walking distance. Large supermarket 5 minutes drive. We have lots of cycle paths, so we cycle to places in the summer.

For daily living it is brilliant. It is so much easier. For pretty countryside we go to see my mum, or drive out to country and go for a walk.

and to make us feel less urban we have just had a woodburning stove installed!

foxdongle Tue 04-Mar-14 22:42:20

I'd go for B - family and friends nearby would swing it.

not A - I would hate isolated area and on edge of forest I love the countryside/dog walks etc but that description gives me the creeps.

ilovedogsandcats Wed 05-Mar-14 00:01:08

No question, B

Pinkje Wed 05-Mar-14 09:39:54

I agree with above. Live in B and spend your holidays in A. I don't mean buy both.

affinia Wed 05-Mar-14 09:48:18

B,B,B,B,B! But I can see how hard it would to leave A once you are already there.

minkersmum Wed 05-Mar-14 11:08:57

pinke i am secretly hoping for a lottery win as affording to keep house A as a holiday home would be great.

affinia you are so right. I have never agonised over a decision so much in my life. I can be thinking definitely B and chat with someone who moved here from London because his daughter was unhappy at school amongst other things, needed bigger house, wanted to have more outdoor space etc and he describes how his daughter felt the first day at school here. How she was so nervous to go but when she got back she was like 'it is AMAZING'. SHe had previously had over 200 kids per year group and moved to this school with 200 in total. Hearing this makes me want to stay. It is a nice place to grow up.

Perhaps I need to bide our time here and maybe think about moving once dc are through school.

I feel like moving might be slightly selfish on my part.

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