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Is it normal to be this anxious for report day?

(48 Posts)
MrsPreston11 Thu 12-Jul-18 09:40:06

My girls are only YR and Y2.

They're both going to get good reports, I'm sure (top set, never in trouble)

But it just fills me with dread, I think it's having to read someone else's opinion on my child.....

Am I the only one?

OP’s posts: |
Ticcinalong Thu 12-Jul-18 09:44:19

I think if any decent teacher had any real issues or concerns about a child you would know long before reports time.
Sounds like your children are doing fine right now, be pleased and don’t work yourself up.
I do find it a rather sad state of affairs that children are placed into sets right from reception in your children’s schools. Even if teachers proclaim children don’t know, they do!

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames Thu 12-Jul-18 09:46:14

I got very anxious for DD2's earlier this year - had been told at the start of the year she wasn't looking likely to hit any expectations for the end of Reception so I was dreading seeing it in black and white (even though I knew the teacher had misjudged her on first impressions).

Actually was OK - she's back up to meeting all expectations bar one area which I know she was teetering on the borderline of being given it but they've intentionally gone very cautious on it for reasons I completely agree with.

StripyPants Thu 12-Jul-18 09:50:07

I was nervous for the first couple of years as it was all a bit of an unknown. I really didn’t know how they were doing. But once they got older it became less of a big deal as I have more of an understanding about their ability.

WhiteHartLane Thu 12-Jul-18 10:54:03

Can't say I'd be worried if mine were in top sets tbf.

My youngest (only turned 5 last week) will be bringing home his report tomorrow, he has a speech disorder and I have met with SENCO a few times this school year. In our most recent meeting I was informed he will not meet his targets (bar Maths where he is at expected level). I am worried for him going into Year 1 as one of the younger children, however communication at his school is excellent and I am happy with the transistion plan they have in place for him.

RedSkyLastNight Thu 12-Jul-18 11:12:33

They have sets in Reception?!

I always find reports extremely bland, it hard to feel much about them at all really.

OiWhoTookTheGoodNames Thu 12-Jul-18 11:45:33

We have phonics groups in Reception depending on what phase the kids are working on - whole year group gets split across a few different staff.

MrsPreston11 Thu 12-Jul-18 11:51:58

Yes they work in groups based on their ability and get tasks set for them that are at the correct level.

Surely that's beneficial?

The more advanced ones don't get bored and the ones who are still getting to grips with certain things aren't discouraged by the work being too hard.

OP’s posts: |
ScipioAfricanus Thu 12-Jul-18 12:14:52

The good thing is they can move up and down in the sets and be settled for different things (maths, phonics, writing). The bad thing is parents getting anxious about them moving down and turning it into a thing when children do progress at different rates and do better at different stages of school.

RedSkyLastNight Thu 12-Jul-18 12:33:37

Sets also lead to anxiety about doing well (top sets) and feeling that they are stupid (bottom set). Also they don't cater for DC that are good at one thing (e.g. adding up) but not so good at another thing (e.g. telling the time). There can also be problems that moving up and down is not as easy as it should be; DC get typecast etc. Much better to give every child appropriate work for the particular activity they are on, with the option of taking harder/easier work where required.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Thu 12-Jul-18 12:41:02

I always am and for parents evening. This yr though I’ve been told he’s hit his writing targets though so I’m a little more relaxed that I would be.

Tomorrowillbeachicken Thu 12-Jul-18 12:42:20

I wish they’d do multi year sets tbh, so stage not age education.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks Thu 12-Jul-18 12:45:04

I was for the first 3 years of DS2's school career, he has suspected ADHD and poor impulse control. His report this year was lovely.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon Thu 12-Jul-18 12:49:04

I think it's a bit excessive to be really worried about a YR and Y2 report, if there were major issues the teachers would have already spoken to you, children develop at such different rates at that age that it's also a bit irrelevant really.

Children most definitely know they are being setted, I was bottom table in year R and I was really sad about it, even though I'm late August so it was more age related and it actually took me a really long time to realise I wasn't bottom of the class (and also took the teachers a long time actually, same with DP who is also August).

3boysandabump Thu 12-Jul-18 12:50:39

Don't mind reports you just get the same generic phrases you got on your own report when you were a kid.
Hate parents evening though feel like a naughty school kid every time.
I also always sit at the back in assemblies and things

ScipioAfricanus Thu 12-Jul-18 12:54:13

Spare a thought for those of us with children who are bottom sets and not August born!

Raederle Thu 12-Jul-18 13:06:39

Why are you filled with dread? That does sound a little bit too much. Your dds sound like they’re absolutely fine.

Have you had parents’ evening?

MrsPreston11 Thu 12-Jul-18 13:17:48

If only I knew why Raederle - honestly have no reason to, but that's how I'm feeling.

I guess maybe it feels like it's a report on my job as a parent? Who knows.

I can see I'm being unreasonable. But the beauty of the anonymity of MN means I can be honest.

My girls are clueless as to my feelings, I've not even mentioned reports to them, but as I'm sure they'll be positive ones then we'll get treat them at the weekend as a well done. (Off to the zoo is the plan)

Really reports at this age shouldn't matter at all, parents evenings have never been anything but glowing.

Just have this really stupid feeling of panic whenever I think about it. Maybe something leftover from my time at school or something? Who knows.

OP’s posts: |
BubblesBuddy Thu 12-Jul-18 13:54:32

I never dreaded reports, mine or my childrens' Mine were pretty poor really. Theirs have been better than that. I am really confused as why this is happening to you, OP. I also hate to tell you, but teen years with exams and university entrance is far more worrying, so save yourself up for that! You have the lovely years ahead of you right now, so try and enjoy the fact that your DDs are doing well and are settled.

Reports are normally a written form of what has been said to you when you meet the teachers, so no surprises. There should be a few pointers for the future regarding consolidation of learning and many reports I received about my DDs said they were a pleasure to teach. You can bask in the glow of that if you get it for a few moments!

I knew my elder DD was in the "top" group. She was bringing home reading books with paragraphs in YR and she was August born and had only started school after Christmas as September entry was not universal then. She did not need extensive play at school and was very ready to learn. Your DDs are almost certainly the same and of course schools teach those who are ready to be taught and children are certainly not all the same ability now, or indeed throughout their lives. The same applies to sport and all sorts of school activities sch as music and drama where talent comes to the fore and is recognised. So be happy that their teachers will recognise their achievements and the progress they have made. Mine might have been "top set" but they were never medal winners at sport and were usaully relegated to the fun races. They really did not mind and children who were good at sport were recognised as such. They had their days in the sun as did children who were good at drama and music. The teachers are certainly not judging you,so do not worry about that.

ScipioAfricanus Thu 12-Jul-18 14:07:16

Would you ‘treat them’ with an outing if they weren’t top set? They may have worked as hard and been bottom set. I wouldn’t discuss my child’s report with him until secondary school, or thereabouts.

MrsPreston11 Thu 12-Jul-18 14:16:15

Would you ‘treat them’ with an outing if they weren’t top set? They may have worked as hard and been bottom set. I wouldn’t discuss my child’s report with him until secondary school, or thereabouts.

Of course I bloody would - you seem to have some kind of bee in your bonnet about sets.

Why not discuss a report with your child? Don't you want to show interest in the time your child has spent in school that year?

The parts of their reports I will be more interested in, and mirror back to them my pleasure in, is if it says they're kind, helpful, friendly etc.

It's not up to them at the ages of 5 and 7 if they're academic, is it? And how is not treating them going to help them read any better?

OP’s posts: |
ScipioAfricanus Thu 12-Jul-18 14:30:04

There’s no need to be rude; it was a genuine question based on what you said ‘as I’m sure they’ll be positive ones then we’ll treat them’, which suggested a link between a good performance and a treat. My point was that a poor performance could still mean a child had worked as hard and in my view, deserved a treat. I’m sorry if I didn’t make clear what I was basing my question on. I’m glad you will be treating them based on those qualities, personally, as I agree with you on that. Not all school reports mention those personal qualities and again, I’m glad that your DC’s do.

I don’t have a ‘bee in my bonnet’ about sets. As I’ve said, there are many advantages, and some disadvantages, of them. Most of the disadvantages are felt by the weaker pupils not the stronger ones.

I have my own pedagogical reasons for not discussing the report with my child at his age. Rest assured, as a teacher for many years before I became a mother as well, I do take an interest in his time at school!

sirfredfredgeorge Thu 12-Jul-18 14:30:45

This thread is quite revealing to me, how different peoples ideas are.

To me, Reports are about the child, they should absolutely 100% be shared with the child from the very beginning, I can't imagine a single reason not to share it with the kid - indeed I actually think it fairest they read it first.

Reports are never something to be anxious of, they're statements of mostly fact, equally though there should never be a surprise in them, if there is a surprise both the parent and the teacher have let the child down.

Reports are also nothing to be celebrated, being statements of how things are, you don't celebrate facts, and the fear would be if the report result declined, the previous rewards for a good one would create anxiety.

BubblesBuddy Thu 12-Jul-18 14:58:31

We just did an end of term treat. Nothing to do with reports or results. Its just what we did come rain, shine or the odd exam flop. Schools give end of term treats to children as well. All of them! I took the OP to mean that she would treat her children as an end of year treat not purely to celebrate a good report.

We went through reports together because the DDs always wanted to know what had been said about them! Not unreasonably.

I'm afraid children who struggle at school will know they struggle at school. This fact can hardly be hidden. However, schools are skillful at including everyone and not making the least good academic children feel second or third best. I understand self esteem is very difficult to deal with but I do not believe masking the achievement of others and continually saying a child is doing well when they patently are not is not helpful either. I have met very few children in YR who felt like failures.

Raederle Thu 12-Jul-18 15:03:23

Is it that you feel you’re being judged on your child’s personality? And I say that as a parent of two very mainstream DCs and one DC who is very not. They were all parented the same way.

I think with treats for reports, you need to think ahead. If they get days out for infant reports, what will they get later on in their school life? What do you want them to be happy with? Is a pat on the back and a well done from you enough?

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