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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Teacher questioning son

58 replies

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:23

Hi,

I need some advice as I don't want to go into school and over react. Last year my son had a male teacher at school. He's a lovely guy from what I know and is my son's favourite teacher. Last week this male teacher did an after school club which my son attended. Apparently according to my son, this teacher started to ask my son and only my son questions about his home life. His questions were as follows

Your parents seem nice at school. Are they nice at home? ( there's never been concerns about us before and if anything I've been complimented by teachers on my skills as a mother)

do you have any other siblings besides your brother at school? When answered no the teacher then said ' do you think your mum would have anymore children?'

you have a dog don't you? Despite never having seen me with our dog and never being told we had one as it's only recent that we adopted one.

has your mum got a job yet? Not knowing whether I already have one.

On top of this there have been a couple of instances where he's gone out of his way to run over and talk to my son after school etc.

Are these some inappropriate questions or is it me?

OP posts:

Report

HollowTalk · 17/05/2018 09:24

They are inappropriate questions and I would be querying them.

There's no chance you know this guy already, is there?

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:25

No,only know him as he was my son's teacher last year. I've never spoken to him outside of school and as far as I'm aware we have no family or friends in common.

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 17/05/2018 09:27

You need to speak to him. Is he just plain nosy or has he got a hidden agenda? Very odd.

Bravouniformmike · 17/05/2018 09:30

That’s totally weird? My first thought was he has concerns about you, but as I got down the questions I thought he was snooping on your life. Could he be on your Facebook or something? I’d ask him

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:39

Why would he want to snoop on my life?
I don't see why he would have concerns about me or his dad as parents as I've had numerous compliments from other teachers about my parenting, I was a parent governor which was given to me on the spot by the head without standing for election as she thought it would suit me and my son is a very happy and bright child. Me and his dad attend all the awards assembly etc and without sounding big headed,probably one of the best parents in the school. No one else has ever raised a concern either with us or with our child.

OP posts:

LovingLola · 17/05/2018 09:43

How old is your son?

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:44

He's 8

OP posts:

Whynotnowbaby · 17/05/2018 09:48

It is a bit odd that he is speaking to your son like that but tbh, he probably wonders whether all this ‘perfect parenting’ you describe is just a front. You sound a bit smug and very condescending towards the other parents who don’t attain your standards. I would also find it concerning that the head would appoint you as a governor in the way you describe- that is not how it should be done. Parent governors represent the parents and this role is absolutely not for the head to allocate.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/05/2018 09:49

Sorry, you think you’re the best parents in the school?

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:51

Not at all but I live in an area where there are a lot of kids from the same school and we have 3 year olds running around in the middle of the road because the parents have sent them out and are not watching them. It's a known fact that the majority of the parents are late for school or keep their kids from school as the attendance is quite poor and so from personal experience I know that my parenting is a lot different from most others at the school and I'm not afraid to say I'm a good mother because I am. I wouldn't dream of putting my kids in danger like a lot do at school. I don't know why the teacher would think it could be a front either.

OP posts:

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:52

One of the best yes. I don't see why me saying that is an issue. I'm going on what others have said also. The issue I'm having here is with the questions the teacher has asked my son and if I'm over reacting or not, not how I feel about myself or other people. Being a good parent is the only thing I like myself for so if someone thinks otherwise it's upsetting to me.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2018 09:52

The Head appointed you a governor “on the spot”?

You’re “one of the best parents in the school”?

I reckon the teacher is an undercover investigator of some sort, sent to root out institutional corruption in the primary school sector............

Mxyzptlk · 17/05/2018 09:54

I'm thinking it's worth you and DH both speaking to the headteacher about this.
Those would be odd things to say, even if they were also said to other pupils.

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 09:54

Clearly what I've said is being taken the wrong way. Forget I asked. I have concerns about my son and the teacher asking those questions and wanted some honest advice from other parents but forget I asked.

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ALiensAbductedMe · 17/05/2018 09:59

Well if I was a parent at your school I would be a bit pissed off that you were made a parent governer without the parents voting you in. That's not on at all...did you know the head before or did she just notice you were the best parent at the school and give you the role because of that?
I would imagine that this teacher is as bemused as I am by your performance parenting and smug attitude and wonders if you are always like this is if it's just for their benefit.

TheVanguardSix · 17/05/2018 10:00

He has concerns, perhaps. Nothing wrong with that. Better to care than not.
Perhaps another parent has said something/made observations. Parents talk. Parents envy other parents and can let that envy get the better of them. This results in voicing 'concerns' about the very parent(s) they envy. I've seen this play out several times over the years.
I think no action is required because no harm has come of the conversation.

And to be fair, you don't really know what was said verbatim.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/05/2018 10:02

Maybe he just likes taking to your son because he is the best and safest child in the school.

TheVanguardSix · 17/05/2018 10:03

I'm sorry, I do have to agree.

You need to dial back the smugness, OP. You'll win no friends and only meet resentment.
Be fair. Not smug. Your position of power was handed to you, which isn't that cool and the head should have known better.
Like I said, dial it way back. You're just another parent at the school gate. Your kid is just another kid in uniform. You are part of a collective and you need to keep that in check.
Gloat away behind closed doors, but keep it modest at school.

PeterPiperPickedSeaShells · 17/05/2018 10:06

I am an (elected) parent governor. I'm fairly sure that being given the "job" on the spot would go against the written constitution of the governing body. Are you sure you weren't a "co-opted" Governor? These are appointed rather than elected

ellsbells2 · 17/05/2018 10:10

Sounds a bit inappropriate but so does the behaviour of the head.

My child is the same age though and I know she has conversations with a teacher she is close to about home. We have nothing to hide so I'm not bothered. Occasionally the teacher will have a chat with me and I'll find out some of the things that have been said!

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 10:16

I'm not actually smug at school and talk to the parents but again. Forget I asked

OP posts:

ALiensAbductedMe · 17/05/2018 10:19

That's good of you to speak to the peasants.

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SavoyCabbage · 17/05/2018 10:32

I’m a teacher and I quite often talk to the children about their lives. Especially at after school clubs or at playtimes when they are not in your class and you can have a slightly less formal relationship. So I think a lot depends on what was actually said. The way you have written it is quite stilted.

Might it not have been more like

My mum is going to be cross at me if I don't tidy my room tonight/get 10 for the spelling test/remember to bring my PE kit home today

Really! I can't imagine your mum telling you off! She seems so nice at school. Is she not at home?

No, she's lovely all of the time ()

Have you got any brothers and sisters?

No. But I'd like a brother because then we could play.

Oh well, never mind. Not everyone has brothers and sisters. Have you got a pet?

Yes, we've got a dog now.

Oh, that's better than a brother!

chezmk1988 · 17/05/2018 10:35

@savoycabbage I hope that's how it was said. I've asked him about it a few times since he told me and he tells it the same way each time so I've no idea. I know you can't take everything a young child says as gospel but I just don't want to miss anything and regret it. Thank you for your reply

OP posts:

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 17/05/2018 10:38

Apparently according to my son

Exactly.

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