I know this is a third world problem but I am struggling to process my feelings.
I am very surprised at my own feelings to be honest. Basically ds had an informal assessment day at a private school for YR entrance today. Dh were very undecided about sending him private or state as we have a few good state schools near us. But family have offered to help with fees so we thought we d do it and see what happens. We weren't sure if we d accept an offer if ds 'passed' the enterance day anyway.
We weren't sure how to play it so didn't mention anything to ds until yesterday. When it was quiet and we were having a cuddle watching tv before bed I just said he was going to a school he might go to tomorrow for a play and it would be like his pre-school. I said there would be other children to play with a make friends with and teachers would do games with them. I left it at that.
Then this morning I repeated the above a couple of times and also said he needs to use kind hands, feet and voice. Be a good boy and make mummy and daddy proud by showing the teachers what he knows. I said he needs to do what the teachers say and answer any questions they ask if he knows the answer but it's ok if he doesn't. I said if he makes the right choices and makes us proud he can have a special treat. Try and talk and play with the others and have fun. We high fived and he seemed excited to go. I dropped him off gave him a big kiss and told him to enjoy himself and left. No problems.
Dh had talked about it and said we would play it down without putting pressure on him so we did. Looking back I feel like perhaps he wasn't really listening to me and was just being yeah, yeah mum sort of thing.
But when he came out all the other children ran out smiling and looked happy and chatting to their parents. Ds came out head down and not smiling. I was bright and asked how he got on- no answer. He spotted the magazines I had brought and started moaning about them and sounded very bratty which was embarrassing. He then ran off and wouldn't talk to me about it.
Anyway, once I started asking him about it it turns out he refused to do the activities and said I don't want to when asked to write rhyming words but verbally told her and refused to write numbers pass 11. He played by himself and with one other boy who happened to know from pre school.
I know he's only 4 but I feel so cross with him and I feel so disappointed and annoyed. I am surprised by these feelings and I guess maybe I wanted it more than I thought. I know he's going to get a rejection letter. I think I wouldn't feel like this if he'd got a rejection and just wasn't what they were looking for but I am finding it hard as I know he's capable to much more and he didn't show them that. He can be very stubborn and quite moody when he wants to be and guess was like that when it mattered the most but that was not the ds I dropped off in the morning.
I am blaming myself too. Perhaps I should have made sure he was listening to me and emphasised he had to do what the teacher asked but it didn't occur to me he would be like that. He can be like it at home but we ve never been told that he's like that at childcare.
To make it worse dsis is sending her ds for his assessment day next weekend and feel bit embarrassed if he got in and my ds didn't.
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Help me process these feelings
53 replies
cleo81 · 21/01/2017 22:16
OP posts:
cleo81 ·
21/01/2017 22:33
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