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Is teacher making too big a deal out of this or have I been insensitive?

(43 Posts)
clearsommespace Wed 17-Dec-14 13:03:34

Reeling slightly after a meeting with DC (age 10) teacher.

A couple of days ago it was discovered that two chocolates were missing from the class advent calendar (names drawn out of a hat to open a window each day). Whole class lectured about stealing. My DC was concerned that two children would go without so asked if they could take two wrapped chocolates from a tin we have at home.

Teacher called me in 'shocked' and 'distressed' that DC and I would think that she would let two children go without a chocolate. (Apparently the head has some spares and there are other classes where there are less than 24 pupils.) Twenty minutes 'chat' about it, making DC and I feel guilty about implying the teacher is heartless and unfair when DC only wanted to do a good turn. I did tell teacher that wasn't our intention, I hadn't given it that much thought. In the morning rush I was just pleased that DC was being generous.

After chatting to DC about, the teacher did point out during whole class lecture that the consequences of stealing meant other people went without and DC had checked with her friends that she was not the only one who interpreted it that some children would go without advent calendar chocs.

So am I insenstive, not aware of how my actions make other people feel or was the teacher making an overly big deal out this. It seems to me she is highly sensitive to any implied criticism.

Perhaps I am too, I'm quite upset that the teacher could interpret the taking in of chocolates in such a negative light!

DarceyBustle Wed 17-Dec-14 13:05:18

Well no good deed goes unpunished!

emeline Wed 17-Dec-14 13:05:50

Teacher needs a christmas chill pill.

Idiotdh Wed 17-Dec-14 13:10:51

I thin she sees it as interfering..with her discipline and general plan for what would happen next. I'm sure she had a plan for the two chocolates. It would have been better to leave her to it and ds could have asked if he could bring them in rather than bring them in and sort of overrule the teacher iyswim.

Having said/ explained that, on a non teacher level, nice of your ds to think of this.
On another level.... who took the choccies?

clearsommespace Wed 17-Dec-14 13:11:54

Christmas chill pill. I like that one.

She obviously feels passionately about of lot of things. When she was telling us at the beginning of the year 'meet the parents' seesion about how she felt about the first book they were going to be studying in litterature, it made me want to rush out and buy it.

mameulah Wed 17-Dec-14 13:12:47

Your daughter was very thoughtful and should have been congratulated!

That teacher sounds very tired.

Your DD is lovely. The teacher has over-reacted a little, I think but yes, possibly due to feeling that it's "interference" in how she's handled it.
But she should give credit where it's due to your DD, not make her feel guilty for her generous gesture!!

prettywhiteguitar Wed 17-Dec-14 13:14:16

End of term madness from teacher ! She needs a holiday

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Wed 17-Dec-14 13:15:16

Teacher needs to get a grip. Your daughter's attitude should be praised and encouraged. The correct response from the teacher should have been "oh thank you, that is very generous but i think another class has extra sweets so we will have enough" the end!

Flywheel Wed 17-Dec-14 13:16:17

Your dc sounds lovely and thoughtful. Teacher sounds like a loon. Cannot believe you were called in over this. Complete over reaction on her part

Chocolateteacake Wed 17-Dec-14 13:17:09

Silly teacher.

The proper response would be 'how very kind and thoughtful of you, but I keep some extras in my desk just in case. How lovely of you to think about your friends, and making sure that no one was left out.'

clearsommespace Wed 17-Dec-14 13:19:08

Idiotdh, yes I can see that. I didn't mean to interfere at all. Perhaps I do need to think through my actions a bit more.

DC asked permission to take the chocs while I had both hands and mind full (we have a pet that is under treatment atm) and I said 'won't your teacher think it was you if you take in replacement chocs' and DC said 'I'll just say it wasn't me but I couldn't bear to think of others going without' so I said 'OK then help yourself' and thought no more of it.

But then the teacher could have just said 'It was a nice thought but it feels like your interfering with my discipline' rather than calling me to a meeting to 'address the issues' DC and I have about teacher. confused

No one has owned up yet.

NewEraNewMindset Wed 17-Dec-14 13:23:54

Sounds as though she was a bit pissed off that her message was taken literally. But children will take things as they are said. If she says children would go without during the lecture then it was understandable that your (thoughtful) child might try to ensure that wasn't the case.

The other thing that crossed my mind was could the teacher be under any Ofsted pressure, being assessed etc? Is there a chance she is concerned this could reflect badly on her and so she is trying to make sure you understand that children would not be going without and it was all in hand.

clearsommespace Wed 17-Dec-14 13:27:09

Have to head out now. Thanks all. Feel quite reassured.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 17-Dec-14 13:31:51

I think she's tired, stressed and that there's probably something else going on with her - of course she should have just said 'Oh thanks New'sDD, that's really kind but I won't let anyone go without.'

'address the issues' my arse! Give your DD a hug for me, she is lovely. thanks

Pico2 Wed 17-Dec-14 13:40:15

She sounds like she's lost the plot a bit. I think that can be an occupational hazard of working with children, that you forget how to deal with adults.

caravanista13 Wed 17-Dec-14 13:57:34

Oh dear - complete overreaction on teacher's part. As a former primary Head, I would have thanked you DC for her kindness.

goingmadinthecountry Wed 17-Dec-14 14:52:19

Same as caravanista. I teach that age group and it would never occur to me to react like that.

It's been a long term!

Phoenixfrights Wed 17-Dec-14 15:12:52

Massive overreaction. It's not you.

BoftheP Wed 17-Dec-14 16:14:31

Your dd sounds lovely. Hope mine grow up to be just as considerate of others.
Perhaps this teacher could do with a box of chocs from your dd for Christmas? Perhaps include a small choc in each Christmas card from your dd? Not to make any kind of point of course grin

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Wed 17-Dec-14 16:51:03

Blimey. Who pissed on the teacher's tinsel?

If that's her reaction to someone trying to help, I hate to think what she's got in mind when she finds the criminals responsible for the advent chocolate theft.......

Your dd sounds lovely and deserves commendation for being thoughtful and kind.

BonzoDooDah Wed 17-Dec-14 16:59:39

Massive overreaction by the teacher imo. And what a lovely child you have. How considerate - I'd be proud of them and keep feeling proud.

clearsommespace Wed 17-Dec-14 17:30:45

Thanks everyone for reassuring me that DC (and I, because I authorised the taking of chocolate to school) have NOT been particularly thoughtless.

Actually I feel quite cross now that DC was made to feel bad rather than proud. I won't take it any further on this occasion because as many of you say, the teacher is probably very tired right now. I do regret that I didn't defend DC properly in front of the teacher but I was a bit stunned at the time, it was so unexpected. Will definitely be telling DC again that in my eyes they didn't do anything wrong and how proud I am!

With hindsight, the teacher has probably decided that I'm an interfering, critical kind of person. The last interaction other than 'Hello' we've had was when I saw her in the playground and mentioned it would have been helpful to have had a note home about something her pupils needed to bring to school a certain day of the week every week. DC had passed on the verbal message the first week but not fully so I wasn't aware that it was every week, not a one-off requirement. So the second time DC didn't bring it. I told the teacher than even at that age, I don't think it's safe to rely on verbal messages. This incident had totally slipped my mind until I started racking my brains to think why the teacher would think I have issues with her.

mathanxiety Wed 17-Dec-14 17:43:07

Relying on students to pass on verbal messages is crazy.

Seems to me you are dealing with someone who is not very experienced with children or out of touch with reality on some level. She certainly seems to have some sort of a pole up her arse..

If she makes such a meal out of stuff that happens, or things that people say, nobody is ever going to own up to taking the chocolates and she will scare parents who could be genuinely helpful like yourself from ever volunteering or even from giving feedback that could be very beneficial.

nonicknameseemsavailable Wed 17-Dec-14 19:38:22

I would agree - you have a very thoughtful and considerate child. If mine did something like that their teachers would have praised their kindness.

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