Hello,
I am not from the UK, my husband is British. I am committed to making this work (living in the UK), but I am having major difficulties adjusting to the cultural differences between the UK and my country of origin when it comes to schooling. I realize that I will have to do most of the compromising. What I am looking for is some advice on how to negotiate things with the school (if there is any room for negotiation), and how to find a way to do things that will work for our family. (In case you were wondering, yes, I have looked at foreign mums forums as well).
Here are some of the main issues I am having.
- My Dd turned 4 in June. I don't believe she is mature enough to spend all that time away from home. I have requested to discuss the option of attending part time, but I haven't heard anything back from the school. When/If they contact me I am sure it will be to dismiss my concerns and tell me that in their experience by making her attend full time I would giving her the best possible start.
I expect to hear a lot of "Oh, she'll cope" and to get a lot of condescending looks. She is 4, she shouldn't have to cope. I know my mentality is very un-British, and that's just the problem.
Is there anything at all I can say to the school to get them to agree to let DD attend part-time for a few months?
2)Hygiene issues. DD is toilet trained but will hold it in until the last possible second. When we are at home sometimes she will just run to the bathroom by herself and barely make it. At nursery it is a non-issue because she can stay dry for 3 hours. She has never had an accident at nursery, but she has never been to the bathroom either. She does not tell me or any of her nursery school teachers when she needs to go. She just starts hopping around.
I know she WILL wet herself when she goes to school from 9am-3pm. And I know it will happen a lot. In a few months things will be different, she will be older and understand what she is supposed to do. But right now she just doesn't "get it" in spite of my best efforts (reward charts, lots of praise, etc) . I.e. : she is not ready to be gone from home for longer than the 3 hours she spends at nursery.
Will she cope? Yes of course, eventually she will get it. But how many times will she come home with bright purple skin down there from prolonged contact with urine or poo? How long will a teacher who has to mind another 29 children leave dd in her own filth? How many UTIs before she "gets it"? How do I convince myself that somehow this is what's best for my child vs attending part time until she is a bit more mature?
3)DD gets sick a lot. It seems to be expected that children will go to school unless they are passed out in their own vomit. The standard GP will tell you " it's a virus" no matter what, load them up on Paracetamol and they are good to go. I would be ok with it if the teacher would be willing to keep the sick child indoors during the colder months. But no such luck! A child with a chest infection (whether it is actually viral it remains to be seen) will be shooed outside with the others, will be encouraged to play with water and mud, get their sleeves/knees wet, and be left like that for hours.
" It will dry up eventually" is the standard answer. I have heard it a lot at nursery. And each and every time Dd's cough takes a turn for the worse.
Has anyone ever asked to keep their child indoors when they are poorly? Is that even an option?
I am acutely aware that by British standards I am over protective. By my country's standards I am average. I live here, I need to find a way to survive. Any advice would be welcome. Snarky replies would not surprise me in the slightest, but it would be nice if you would kindly just skip my post if you have no actual advice.
Thank you in advance for any all all replies!