Reception mums: has anyone else had the dreaded 'can I have a word'

[Eachpeachpearwherestheplum]

It's only been 8 days in! Dc was a bit rude to his teacher.......nothing major but very embarrassing in front of other parents :(

[radicalsubstitution]

Ha ha! I had many of these during Reception. DS (September birthday) seriously did not get on with the whole Reception 'free play' ethos. It was a bit like Lord of the Flies. He needed a structure to his day that he just didn't get, and found any opportunity to cause mischief.

Two weeks into yr 1 and he is thriving. He loves his new teacher (who has a reputation for being a witch) and is never in trouble.

It didn't stop me being mortified every time I was told about his naughty behaviour! As a teacher, though, I am the person responsible for behaviour in my classroom. I would only contact parents for the most severe issues. I think reception teachers (some - not all) can report back to parents on issues that really don't need to leave the classroom.

[Eachpeachpearwherestheplum]

That was my thinking too, it worried me she doesn't really get 4 year olds?!
I really worry about what the other parents might think.....is it normal to talk in front of other parents? It wasn't a big deal but still....

[mogandme]

My friend got told that her son 4.8 has got to realise the teacher is not there solely for his benefit and that he needs to learn to share her time and not try and seek her attention when she is dealing with others. DS is the eldest of 2 - his mother has spent the last 2.6 years trying to teach him this at home!

[skewiff]

Yes, my son's reception teacher was the same, and also would tell DS off in front of me and other parents after school - too harshly, I think, for a 4 year old. I also did not think that she 'got' 4 year olds. Particularly 4 year old boys. She did not have children of her own. Perhaps that should not make a difference. But I feel it added to her impatience with certain behaviours.

4 years old is very young to start in such a formal (even if it is free play) environment.

It was a bit of a painful year for me and DS. Now, a year on, DS is so much better at communicating with me and explaining the reasons behind his behaviour.

This year we have a teacher who seems more in tune with the children, and seems better at communicating with the parents. So it feels more promising.

[radicalsubstitution]

It is quite normal (in my limited experience) for teachers to talk to parents at handover. This may mean 'reporting' issues of behaviour. This doesn't make it right! If a matter is serious enough to disclose to a parent, it should be done confidentially. If it is 'no big thing' why bother telling the parent in the first place?

I think it is particularly difficult for teachers who are not parents themselves and don't get how it feels to hear this kind of thing in front of others.

I know how you feel - I have been there.

[OliviaLMumsnet]

DS started last Thursday.
Last Friday I was called aside - day 2 for continued raspberry blowing

[WerthersUnOriginal]

Not reception, but ds had a teacher in yr 3 who would often come out at 3.20pm, megaphone voice tuned to high volume, and shout 'Cooeee, oh Mrs Werthers (or whoever), can I have a quiet word in private. It's just that...' and would proceed to bellow out whatever the 'quiet word' was in was in the distance it took her to cross the playground to where you stood, rendering the quietness of the word in question null and void.

[hugandroll]

Yup, on Friday. Ds1 had a poo but didn't wipe his bum. They found out by his hand being covered in poo after sticking his hands in his pants. There were two things brought up, the fact he didn't wipe his bum and that he always has his hands in his pants.

Lucky for me his teacher is wonderful and lovely and sorted him out with another pair of pants and cleaned him up. I said we are working on it and she will help where she can.

[cece]

Ah Reception year... I remember it well, for DS1.

He is also old for the year group and found the whole free play too 'free'. He seemed to spend most of the year making mischief as far as I could tell Or at least it seemed that way with the whole 'can I have a quick word..' thing after school.

He is in Year 4 now and, although not perfect, is much better.

[Eachpeachpearwherestheplum]

I was worried other parents might think he was trouble?!

[cece]

Sorry to say they will. I had an element of comments/labelling from some of the mums of perfect children. Luckily I worked out quickly who they were and kept out of their way....and made friends with the less judgey mums who also get called over to speak to teacher

[VonHerrBurton]

Oh, me too cece, and OP! The curse of the 'curly finger' from the teacher and the sly looks from perfect smug parents, who suddenly found reason to hang around to tie laces/pick something up from floor whilst a not so quiet word was had!!

Ds in Y5 now, so all ok most of time, but YR/1 - I feel your pain! We often got particular dc pushing out first and shouting 'VonHerr pushed Millie over really hard today for no reason and had to go and see the Head' Yeah. Thanks for that Millie....

[Eachpeachpearwherestheplum]

Oh bloody hell.......I don't want to go tomorrow now! :(

[MuddlingMackem]

Ha ha. Never had this with DS in reception, think his class was, and mostly still is, generally a lovely, well behaved one.

DD's reception class last year on the other hand . . . the sigh of relief from all the other parents when the teacher came out and it was somebody else's child. I would be very surprised if any of the parents of that class never got summoned for a little word with the teacher.

[Milliways]

DS went straight into Yr 1 (Aug birthday - before they all started at age 4). His teacher wanted me to stop him watching Weakest Link as he put his hand up and said "Mrs S - do you have your brain in Neutral?" !!

To be fair - she did say the moon was X miles away (rounded to a round number) and DS put her straight to the exact distance away it was........

[snowball3]

It's for this reason that we only approach parents on the playground to say something wonderful! If we do need to have a quick word, we phone first and ask the parents to come to the front door rather than take the walk of shame across the playground

[Mercedes519]

Could be worse...I turned up to Reception Parents Evening only to find that I had a double appointment. "Did miniMerc tell you about his day?" "No" says I. "Well he hit three grown-ups"

The dinner lady, the TA and the Head of Foundation

However they were great, got the hang of him and helped him along. And over the course of the year we did have several 'words' at the door but they were minor things and I never felt judged by the other parents.



I'm sure they'll settle in better soon?

[Northernlurkerisbackatwork]

I had this too in January when dd3 started. I think we got three days in and her teacher was describing her as 'stubborn' (she is but strong willed is a more positive term ). She also gave after school club a message one day to tell me that dd3 had been 'very rude'. I had a whole thread about it at the time This too shall pass.........

I did and indeed still do feel that the teacher's expectations of behaviour very much revolve around one type of child. If you're child is not that type then it's very hard. Dd3 is very upset to be told off - but she also has a lot of confidence in herself and a burning desire to share how she sees the world. So basically it's not always easy to get her to do what you want her to do when you want her to do it. This doesn't fit with the Reception model.

Mind you at least it was dd3 who was hit by the book that was thrown, cutting her cheek, rather than being the child who did the throwing......

[cece]

Please don't worry OP - you'll be laughing about it in a year or so...

DS1 also kicked his reception teacher one day when he had a tantrum about something. I had one of the senior teachers summon me over that day!

I too was pleased to discover he was the victim of an indident in Y3 where he got knocked out and had to go to hospital... at least he wasn't the one who had done the pushing over! LOL

[Floggingmolly]

Don't worry too much about it, but don't put it down to the Rception teacher "just not getting four year olds" either...
She'll have seen a fair few in her time.

[CanYouGetDownPlease]

Ohh how relieved I am to find I am not alone! I had the 'can I have a word' coupled with finger curl & grim expression from DS reception teacher on day 3, after he had refused to do a painting . I was mortified and felt the judgey pants being hoiked all around me. This too shall pass.....

[radicalsubstitution]

Do you know what I really hated last year?

All those statuses on FB from other mums along the lines of "...is so proud of for getting such a wonderful school report!"

Grrrr.

[Pyrrah]

What do they expect you to do? You can't make a 4 year old do painting if they don't want to.

In any case, surely part of the job of being a teacher is being able to coax young children into doing things they don't want to do.

It would make no difference if I told DD that she must paint pictures the next day, if she didn't want to then wild horses wouldn't make her...

[radicalsubstitution]

As a part time secondary school teacher, I teach approximately 150 different students per academic year. If I contacted parents every time one of them didn't want to do a task/tried to talk during the register/got out of their seats when they weren't supposed to, I'd spend every spare minute on the phone.

Behaviour in the classroom is my responsibility. Parental contact should only be for the most serious/persistent issues.