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dd (yr 4) attacked by a classmate today,

(40 Posts)
lucykate Mon 04-Jul-11 19:39:03

we have a bit of an ongoing issue, a girl in dd's class has been targeting dd and trying to get her in trouble by putting stuff in dd's locker, other girl has admitted to the teacher to doing this. things escalated today with this girl knocking dd to the ground, hitting her, pulling her hair etc.

have spoken to dd's class teacher who explained what happened, but she didn't say, and i didn't ask about what was going to be done about this child, ie is she punished?

at home, i've noticed that dd has finger marks on her neck, scratches down her back, a bruise on a her knee and eyebrow and her glasses are scratched. am now not happy at all. rang school and caught the head at the end of the day, seeing her tomorrow morning first thing. dh wants to know what will be done about the girl who did this to dd, anyone any idea what to expect?, what do schools do for this kind of behaviour?

activate Mon 04-Jul-11 19:41:15

take photographs of injuries

you have no right to know what will be done about the other student - you only have the right to know how they will ensure your DD's safety and what their plan is moving forward with reference to your DD

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 19:52:10

yy, concentrate your argument around what the school will be doing to ensure your DD's safety, and why this has not happened.

You do not have the right to know how the school are dealing with another pupil (sanctions etc).

You do have the right to ask what measures have been put in place to protect your DD from this bullying and assault- because that's what it is.

IDontDoIroning Mon 04-Jul-11 20:07:25

Ok I would draft a letter tonight before you go to meeting. Just so you get things clear in your mind.
Set out the issues and the most recent incidents particularly the injuries to your dd and the damage to her glasses.
Ask for copies of
1 complaints policy
2 behaviour policy
3 anti bullying policy
School should give these to you immediately on request. (if nots that's ground for complaints)
School has a duty of care to keep your dd safe physically and emotionally so you need to ask what they are going to do to achieve this.
They do not have to tell you what sanctions will be put in place but they should tell you whether it is in line with their policies.
I'm a school governor fortunately I haven't had too many complaints like this but I would expect this to lead to fixed term exclusion/s.
Not saying that they may try to sweep under the carpet.
It may be that this child has emotional or other difficulties which may be used to excuse this behaviour. Don't get side tracked by this insist that they have a duty of care to both children.

lucykate Mon 04-Jul-11 20:11:26

the 'she is having a difficult time at home' card has already been played, many times. not this time i'm afraid, am not going to allow this to go by. enough is enough. a 9 year old should not be coming home from school with finger marks on her throat where another child had tried to throttle her.

hugeleyoutnumbered Mon 04-Jul-11 20:20:24

I feel for both of you its a horrible situation, but you need to act fast and me making it clear this stops now, be prepared to go to the school daily.

if school are not acting threaten extreme action to get the school to listen.

speak to the parents in the playground with a wittness close by to ensure you are not accused of threatening behaviour, the school will tell you you can't do this so don't ask, be polite but firm explain what is happening, she may not know.

you are entitled to have a meeting with all concerned including the bully's parents, you want a meeting with the governors to tackle safety issues at school, def agree with photographs, keep a diary, encourage you dc to say "go away leave me alone" in a very loud voice that will attract attention, demand the brat be kept seperate from your dc at lunchtime and breaktime, threaten to go to the local education authority even the local press create as much fuss as you can this needs to be sorted before the summer holiday or your dc will be dreading returning to school.

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 20:22:53

You do not have the right to a meeting with the other girl's parents in all circumstances. School may facilitate this, but in some cases it is not appropriate.

activate Mon 04-Jul-11 20:48:01

"you are entitled to have a meeting with all concerned including the bully's parents"

not true

hugeleyoutnumbered Mon 04-Jul-11 20:57:11

I am speaking from personal experience if you push hard enough you will get that meeting, they will want this resolved for all concerned,

aries12 Mon 04-Jul-11 20:58:39

That is absolutely shocking. It's time to get it sorted. It does not matter what difficulties the other child is going through, your child deserves to be educated in a safe environment.
Too often schools play the softly softly approach to problem children while other children suffer on quietly.

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 21:08:00

No, you won't get that meeting if you 'push hard enough'. In some circumstances it may be appropriate, but would require the goodwill of the other child's parents. School cannot force parents to meet one another.

In some cases, a meeting will be completely inappropriate, and will remain inappropriate no matter how hard you 'push' for one.

In OP's case, given that she knows there are 'problems at home' for the other child, it would be wholly inappropriate and would be very wrong of the school to entertain the idea.

hugeleyoutnumbered Mon 04-Jul-11 21:23:01

to be honest the home circumstances of the child would not be my concern, why make some useful suggestions thethersend instead of correcting me, as I said I am speaking from personal experience

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 21:43:38

"if you push hard enough you will get that meeting"

hugeleyoutnumbered, this is very unhelpful advice. I do not think it will strengthen the OP's position at all if she goes into school expecting them to facilitate a meeting with the other girl's parents.

"to be honest the home circumstances of the child would not be my concern"

Well, I can understand that as the parent of the victim this would be the case. Which is why a meeting with the perpetrator's parents is likely to be counter-productive.

I have suggested a few things for the OP- in fact, I posted before you did, so please don't think that I joined the thread purely to correct you.

lucykate Mon 04-Jul-11 22:05:28

i think what we're most interested in, firstly why this girl did this to dd. dd says it was unprovoked, but would like to hear the other side of the story. and secondly, we have been saying to dd for months to steer clear of this girl, which dd has been doing, but is this girl being told to stay away from dd? we don't want dd to be the one making all the compromises at school/in the playground when dd isn't the one in the wrong.

i want assurances that this girl will be watched, i want her kept away from dd at playtimes, if one of them is to be kept in at playtimes to ensure this, then i want it to be the other girl. i will also be making it clear to the school that if this girl lays a finger on dd again, we will be taking it as far as we can, there is not going to be a next time. dd tells me that after this incident, the other girl was not allowed to join in with the 'show and tell' session. not good enough imo. dd did her show and tell with an ice pack on the bump on her head.

this is a village school with outstanding offsteds that prides itself on it's anti bullying policy.

tethersend Mon 04-Jul-11 22:10:22

Sounds good, lucykate- remember that all the points you make should centre on how the school will keep your DD safe, as per its duty of care.

Sanctions meted out to the other girl may not be apparent to your DD or other children, so perhaps ask the school to reassure you (and her) that there has been an appropriate consequence, even if you don't know what it is.

hugeleyoutnumbered Tue 05-Jul-11 10:06:32

appologies tethersend highly emotive subject very close to my heart, we had a meeting and it improved the situation immensely, however that may not be the case in every situation. hence I stand corrected.

lucykate how were things this morning? did you manage to speak to class teacher or head?

I agree that the sanctions don't seem to go far enough, but at that age show and tell is the highlight of the week. from what you have said the school is putting the responsibility on your dc to stay out of the other childs way, which is actualy empowering the bully, rather than your dd, if as you say they pride themselves on its anti bully policy, this gives you the upper had, they are failing you daughter so the policy needs to be readdressed or adhered to, good luck.

write a letter to the governors too

HelloKlitty Tue 05-Jul-11 10:12:56

My God! I thought DD was 4 at first....a nine year old doing this is terrible! Poor DD sad hope she's ok.

hugeleyoutnumbered Tue 05-Jul-11 10:13:38

also, have to told your dd to retailate, if she's pushed push back, it won't be popular but it does work

lucykate Tue 05-Jul-11 12:00:15

right, been to see the head, dd has told her what happened and the head has made notes and is also going to investigate further. she is going to have to find out who was on playground duty at the time and why no staff saw it happen, given we now know exactly where they were, which was in full view, and also why it was down to another child to intervene (seemingly one of dd's classmates shouted at this girl to stop and then pulled her off dd, what a star!)

the other girls parent was in too, her mum waited for me outside school and is mortified and very apologetic.

the school have explained what is going to be done about the other girl eg, she is supervised in the playground and can only go in certain areas plus there are other boundaries being put in place in the classroom etc. if she goes near dd again, then it's exclusion.

dd is ok, bit fragile but i'm in school this afternoon anyway as it's ds's sports day so will see her there.

thanks for all the advice smile

IslaValargeone Tue 05-Jul-11 14:46:20

I hope it all gets sorted for you lucykate, we had similar problems to you when my dd was in year 3. It wasn't helped by the fact that the other child had SEN and had issues at home, and it was obvious the school didn't want to rock the boat. We ended up having to take her out of school in the end.

hugeleyoutnumbered Tue 05-Jul-11 16:45:13

that sounds positive, hope she enjoyed sports day, hopefuly now you have spoken to the mum things will improve, still keep a note of any problems dates and photos etc... and make it known to the school each time (if ever again now her mum is aware of what is happening)

I hope this is the end of it for you all.

IslaValargeone thats awful is you dd happy at school now?

lucykate Tue 05-Jul-11 17:28:17

i'm still very wary, the girl in question came up to me during sports day to apologise but was smirking while she did it, so i'll take it with a pinch of salt!

isla, that sounds awful your poor dd.

tethersend Tue 05-Jul-11 18:14:37

Good result, lucy- keep us posted as to how it goes.

hugelyoutnumbered, that's really nice of you, cheers. It certainly is an emotive subject and I hope the situation for your DC is resolved. They are lucky to have you to fight for them smile

lucykate Wed 06-Jul-11 20:56:25

have to admit to being a little unsettled about it all today. dd has come home and said this girl has made a few comments in the classroom directed at dd. things like putting her fingers round her eyes (dd wears glasses) and saying 'look at me, i'm (dd's name), i'm so stupid' and '(dd's name) will fall over at sports day and just cry and then i'll punch her'.

i will be seeing the teacher again tomorrow to tell her about this. zero tolerance means zero tolerance and i'm beginning to wonder why this girl wasn't excluded. there is a huge history of incidents with this girl, not just involving dd, of biting, hitting, shoving etc. the attack on dd was the worst to date.

does anyone know if we would have to right to request they consider exclusion?

applecrumbleandcream Thu 07-Jul-11 00:12:25

I don't usually advocate violence but if this was my dd and all other avenues had failed, I would be telling my dd to push her to the ground and make her cry. Sorry but what brats like this need is a good taste of their own medicine and she'll probably never go near her again.

I will be teaching my dd that it is never right to start a fight or hit or bully someone but if someone does hit her she has the right to defend herself by hitting them back.

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