Hi all,
I think I’ve probably read every post on this topic, but I could really use someone to talk to who isn’t biased.
In short, I’ve been with my (I think now ex) boyfriend for 7 whole weeks today. I’m 28 and he’s 30. And I found out on Monday I was 4 weeks + 4 pregnant. Feel a bit daft saying it was a shock as I had unprotected sex, but I was being naive & thinking it would be ok just a couple of times before I got the docs appt to go back on the pill. OH and I never had any conversations about contraception. Again, stupid I know.
So I tried to tell him as delicately as I could on Monday by arranging to see him this week so I could tell him F2F but he was being difficult so in the end I called him up and just blurted it out. He was really sweet and kept telling me it wasn’t my fault, but that his gut instinct was that he isn’t ready to have a child. I’d just felt sick all day about telling him, and hadn’t really thought about what I wanted.
I went to the docs the next day to confirm I was pregnant and what my options were - ironically, I had to repurpose an appointment I had already booked to get the pill! He came round that night and his whole demeanour had changed. He was cold and asked me how the docs was. I explained what happened and said the doctor didn’t want to give me a letter for the termination as she didn’t think I was completely sure and she wanted to make sure I was doing what was best for me (she did give me the number for BPAS and wasn’t judgemental in any way - although she was pregnant which was tough). I think hearing that made him mad as he said rather abruptly (about 10 mins after being at mine) that if I chose not to have an abortion then he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. I didn’t expect him to propose to me or anything, but it genuinely shocked me to my core hearing those words. I told him how selfish he was being and cried a lot. I had planned to tell him that whilst I wasn’t sure what I wanted (I don’t want a baby with someone I’ve known for 7 weeks, but equally I am pretty sure I cannot face a termination), I was going to reassure him that whatever I did choose that I would have no expectations of him and that I didn’t want him to feel cornered. However I didn’t even get a chance to tell him that & frankly I was thrown by how callous he was.
So now it’s 3.5 days since I found out and I’ve made an appointment at BPAS for a consultation next week. I have cried about 362926 times. I would be the best mother, I just know it. However, whilst I’m not in the worst financial situation, I don’t think I could support a baby (especially as i’d be alone and likely have to drop down to part-time hours when I return to work). I also own a one bed flat so I’d need to move which would make money even tighter. OH (or perhaps ex-OH ... haven’t heard from him for 2 days) has a well-paid job but I’d feel awful going after him for money after being together for 7 weeks and having his baby against his wishes. I don’t have any family in a London who could help out, and I’m petrified of being a single struggling mum :(
Lastly the thought of terminating this pregnancy honestly kills me. I’ve read so many posts and articles about what to expect and I’ve already given the clinic the heads up that if I were to proceed then I’d need a surgical under GE as I know I couldn’t emotionally cope with the medical.
I am so scared of making the wrong decision. I am so scared of raising a child alone. I am so scared of being lonely and seeking into depression (been there a couple of times previously, but I’ve come out stronger).
Please can someone tell me if they’ve been there and come out the other end? I genuinely want to hear your stories about terminating and not terminating, what you regretted, what you didn’t, did your OH react this way at first and then step up?
Thanks in advance :(
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Pregnancy choices
Pregnant a few weeks into a relationship and struggling a lot
29 replies
SJC89 · 03/11/2017 17:16
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