I'm really in need of advice from people.
I have recently turned 40, have 3 lovely children aged 8,6 and 4 and found out I was pregnant at beginning of Oct.
I'm in a real dilemma - the pregnancy was not planned and I think occurred after a nasty upset tummy thanks to 2 lots of antibiotics not agreeing with my pill.
Haven't slept properly in a month, am horribly emotional and crying all the time at home. Have wished for a miscarriage as awful as that sounds so the decision is taken away from me.
Husband is super supportive and saying he'll go along with whichever decision I make and therein lies the problem - I can't make a decision. He thinks we should go for it, because he thinks that emotionally I won't cope in the long run with having an abortion. I'm not sure - I think I'll be upset and feel guilty as hell and I probably wouldn't really get over it, but I think with time, I'd accept my reasons for doing it and try and forgive myself.
I have days where I think I could cope with 4 but then the next moment, I'm shouting at the kids when they are fighting and think that there's no way I could do this again. I feel so selfish but I'm starting to enjoy the freedom of moving on from babies and toddlers and enjoying doing more things as a family and I worry that another baby will upset the dynamic and reduce the time I have with the other 3. I'm also horribly worried that as I'm older my risks will be increased and I have a fear of something going wrong.
Have spoken to Marie Stopes - had counselling which really just confirmed all the thoughts in my heads. Have written my pros and cons - (mainly all cons) yet when I've attended for treatment, I've bottled out twice as I was so upset. I'm now reaching cut off for medical treatment and have a further appointment booked for Weds. I know it's then or never because I'm terrified at the thought of surgical treatment.
I'd appreciate any thoughts from anyone who may be able to advise or who has been through a similar situation one way or the other and what they did and how they feel about their decision in hindsight.
I can't see there is a right answer to this for me and it feels like I'll be making the decision that I regret least.
Sorry for long rambling post - just feel so desperate.
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Pregnancy choices
don't want to be pregnant with no. 4 aged 40 but not sure I can face TOP
29 replies
alix2525 · 15/11/2016 00:20
OP posts:
KateInKorea ·
15/11/2016 21:12
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