I think I'm pregnant. My situation is not good.
I already have 4 kids. The first three are from my marriage. My ex husband was abusive and violent and I divorced him. Then I met someone else and had a baby with him. We planned future etc but in the end he turned out to be a fraud.
After that I thought I would never be in a relationship again but I met someone lovely and for the first time in my life I'm happy. We don't live together though because it would be too difficult. We live close to each other. He has a 1-bed flat and lives on his own but sometimes his two children come for weekends and I live in a 2-bed flat with my kids, so we are quite squeezed. My guy is working but on low wage and I'm not working, so on benefits...
On top of that I'm 42.
So you get the picture..
I'm worried about my boyfriend's reaction, I'm worried about finding space and money for another child and I'm worried about my existing children which will have less of my attention and resources if I have another baby.
And of course I'm worried about being judged. You get the picture - a feckless woman on benefits with a bunch of children by different fathers.. I'm sure this is what I will be in the eyes of many people and it wiould be so hard to deal with such hostility on regular basis.
So to sum it up - I could not possibly go through with it. It's all wrong, right? But then again, I don't think I could go through an abortion. I did it once and it destroyed me. The second time would be much worse, I am sure. I also lost one of my babies because she was born prematurely due to my ex's violence and she died. I just cannot cope with another "gone" baby... Giving up my child for adoption is also something I couldn't imagine doing...
But... How can I have this baby?
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I don't see a way forward.
27 replies
Furrypop100 · 04/11/2014 17:38
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