First baby how much does it all cost????

[dyzzidi]

I am getting quite stressed with DP at the moment about how much we will need to spend on Baby things. My stressing is not about the cost more about the fact my idiot DP has no idea of what we will need and when I tell him i get met with a blank expression.

I took him to mothercare this weekend pointed at many things we will need and estimated at about £1000.

I got met with remarks like cot/mosesbasket/pram blankets and sheets don't we have enough sheets already. I replied Yes dear of course we do for our king size bed do you suggest getting the scissors out???

The man is completely bizarre he complains at sheet but then comes home with trainers for the unborn child.

Is anybody else experiencing this or is it only me marrying an idiot!!

[goldenoldie]

Leave him at home - just take his credit card shopping.................

[sweetkitty]

I got this all the time from my DP, he was questioning the price of everything. I don't think we spent near £1000 but my Mum bought the pram and we got loads of presents. I would hold off going mad on baby clothes (so hard I know) as we got loads of presents (some from people we didn't know) and had far too much. I found that a lot of what I bought I haven't used as well. Think it's mad first time mum syndrome as well, this time I'm buying far less.

[sweetkitty]

Sorry also if you can't go a bit mad when you have your first baby when can you???

[dyzzidi]

He said to me How much do you want and I said £1000 I only took him so he had a vague idea what things cost so he knew he wasn't being taken for a mug.

This is the same man who this year alone has spent £4000 on bloody watches. Yet hasn't thought about sheets.

I may double my original quote and go mad in the aisles

[eefs]

I know it's lovely to buy things for a new baby but you don't seriously need to spend that much. Most of the equipment can be begged or borrowed from friends or bought cheaply second-hand. The standard of second-hand baby gear is very high - just be aware of safety standards etc.
I found the biggest cost was the drop in income while I was on maternity leave.

[dyzzidi]

I am intending on having whatever I can lay my hands on second hand but so far have not seen or heard of anything being available. My friend has offered me some stuff which i will gladly accept but don't want to be dependant on it in case she gets PG again in the meantime. I feel realisticly (sp?) if we have the money to spend and then get stuff second hand the saved cash will still be helpful when my income drops.

I just don't want to be caught unawares at christmas when the baby is due and have no cash to buy things.

[Roobie]

My advice would be just to get the bare essentials before the birth and then buy things as and when you identify a need for them. I know it's lovely to go through the baby mags and acquire all sorts of gadgets and lovely things but if money is an issue most of them will ultimately not be used in my experience.

[vickiyumyum]

try and get the money from dp and any money that you are planning on putting towards the purchases, put it in a separate account and buy what you need now and wait and see what presents you get afterwards. people can be surprisingly generous, i ended up with 2 moses baskets a swinging crib, and three baby swings so took most of it back to mothercare and got ovuchers and brought what i needed. if people ask you what you want then tell them honestly and say that if they think it is too much how do they feel about vouchers towardfs the cost of said item.

but i would say that with your first enjoy it and spend what you can afford. i loved the novelty of having anew pram, cot etc with my first, but would have gladly accepted secondhand form friends or families and quite honestly really really wanted it with my second but most people were either still using theri equipment or had already got rid of it.

[CarolinaMoon]

you really need far less stuff than people will try to sell you.

A pram/pushchair, maybe a sling/front carrier, car seat, moses basket for the first couple of months, maybe a baby bath, bouncy chair/rocker after a few weeks, changing mat, towels, sheets of course! and blankets, nappy equipment, really basic clothes (just vests and babygros and cardigan and hat in the beginning) cos you'll be given loads and they grow out of them really fast.

Borrow stuff off your mates and relatives as much as possible - a lot of stuff is only useful for a few months anyway.

Save the money and spend it on yourself!

[sweetkitty]

I would ask for £1500 then put it away in a bank account and spend it when you need things. I did this with my bonus from work for DD, so far I've never needed to spend money on her out of our money so to speak, it also got topped up at Christmas and Birthday time.

If I could go back in time I would have bought half of what I did.

[dyzzidi]

I have got 15 nephews & Nieces who i have looked after from being aged 15 so i know the things you tend to use and what you don't really need. I am sure I will make some mistakes but so far the stuff we have been looking at is very standard ie.. Cot/bed,moses basket, travel system, bedding, sterilizer, bottles, bath, baby towels, babygrows, bibs, vests etc.

Nothing extravagant just general stuff and I will probably cry if it does end up costing a lot as I am very practical it just annoys me that he is so naive.

[jessicaandbumpsmummy]

I spent a total of about £500 on my first, got the moses basket and baby bath second hand from a friend, bought the buggy new and cot bedding and clothes. Must say a lot of the gadget things you just dont need! who needs a bottle warmer when the kettle and a jug do the same job? We were lucky in the fact that being army we get the cot and 1 stairgate from them on a borrow til its no longer required basis, but honestly, put the money away and wait and see what you want AFTER the birth!

[jessicaandbumpsmummy]

Also.... dont just buy out of mothercare.... they are so overpriced sometimes! You can get the stuff so much cheaper else where.

[Littlefish]

Have you got access to an NCT nearly new sale? They have loads of stuff and it's really reasonable! I have bought some beautiful, really good quality stuff which has hardly been used, and in fact, some brand spanking new things too.

[CarolinaMoon]

well in that case dyzzidi you're doing better than I was. I hadn't got a clue.

maybe write a list for your DP of what the baby needs, just so he can see how much stuff you've got to get? He probably just can't get his head around it now. Either way, it'll be obvious enough to him when the baby's born

[RedZuleika]

Sorry - can I just clarify...

Is the issue here the degree of thrift which one is going to utilise...

...or the fact that he doesn't see the need for sheets compared to watches...??

My husband (bless him) almost deliberately switches off on the few occasions we've gone into Mothercare. I almost had a tantrum once. He seems to think I should just KNOW what it's going to need, rather than feel like discussing it with him. If I did, it would be some sort of witchcraft - since I'm an only child with no cousins and no friends with children...

[Nbg]

I remember dragging dh to mothercare one night after a huge tantrum. We spent £400 but for that we got the following;

Cot bed
Mattress
Sheets
Play gym
Cot mobile
Walky Talkies
Weathershield for carseat (it fitted on to pushchair)
Maternity stuff like pads etc
Little bits like dummys, bibs, booties etc


Luckily for us my mum and dad bought our pushchair and my MIL gave us the money for our cotbed and mattress.

[Nbg]

So really in answer to your question if I included the price of the pushchair and clothes we did spend £1000.

[dramaqueen72]

I suggest positioning dh in a comfy chair, with favourite coffee and newspaper. somewhere near you on computer. tell him you are buying the basics right now that minute. take his credit card. everytime you find something -set of sheeets etc- say 'look darling' -he can look up say 'mmmm' -and never claim he wasnt involved!! my dhs favourite way of shopping
it is scary the cost of a baby, but there are bargains to be had, special offers, and youre quite right, if you have enough for everything full price in mothercare, then when you go online and save a fortune- which you will- you can splash out on girlie or blue things after the birth (which you will defiantely want to when youve had the baby!)

[littlerach]

Put an advert under "wanted" on here, and list all the stuff you need.

Or check the "for sale" section.

[Redhelen]

I know what you mean - fear I've married an idiot too! I tend to ignore him and just get on with it - this is fine as I'm financially independent at the moment - but if I do not go back to work after birth of baby 2 - I dread to think!!!
Good luck!

[serah]

Dyzzidi, so many people have made so much sense on this thread! If you think you need to spend £1000, cut it in half at least. They need so little at the start. None of them need baby gyms at that point. Most of what they need involves a safe (and warm in December) place to sleep, both upstairs and downstairs and things to tote them around in - and of course, far fewer clothes than you think they will need.

I planned on breastfeeding, but all did not go as planned and so I was grateful that my sister in law had given me her steam steriliser and accompanying bits. I got given so much stuff in the end.

Why not run what you were pointing at in Mothercare by us here - and pick out what advice suits you from there?

[RedZuleika]

We've bought a baby gym. With lots of bright colours and black and white - which I understand they are more able to see at / close to birth. I appreciate that a gym is not quite so high up their hierarchy of needs as bedding or vests - but I thought it was a good plan to provide some stimulation. I didn't see much point in buying lots of toys, on the basis that other people will probably buy some, but something to stretch its burgeoning brain cells seemed like a reasonable plan. That - and one of those squashy things that's supposed to be good for their motor function.

[dramaqueen72]

oh, my favourite baby buy---get a bouncy or rocking chair thingy......safe and secure place to put baby down I think we could all come up with a list for you....a sort of mumsnet definative guide list! maybe even with links and prices .....

[nightowl]

dyzzidi, wherabouts are you? im selling all dd's baby stuff (well, would give some of it away, i need the space). ive got steraliser, baby bath, bottle warmer, buggies, bouncer, swing etc etc. cat me if youre interested.