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Pregnancy

unreasonable?? PANIC over idea of giving birth!

48 replies

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:00

After responding to another thread, I decided I should start my own... I have come a long way in 27 weeks of pregnancy with this, but recently, the slightest detail can send me off into an extreme panic about giving birth. I have nightmares/dreams about it often. It has always been a fear of mine... even before finding out I was pregnant.
Anyone else totally freaked out about the idea of giving birth??? Or does this sound just irrational?

OP posts:

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lulumama · 14/07/2008 20:03

there is a condition called tokophobia, which is a fear of giving birth, a real phobia. i would ask your MW or doc or consultant to refer you to someone who can help you deal with and come to terms with your fears as soon as possible

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:04

I actually have an appointment on friday with a consultant that they made for me when I was 8 weeks pregnant and expressed this fear... I hope that they are going to try to help at this appointment - they just said it would be with a "consultant".

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lulumama · 14/07/2008 20:15

well, it is a start, even if it is not with the right person, they will know who to refer you to

have you thought about having a doula?

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:19

Yes. I think you've recommended it to me before on mn, actually . DH is a bit concerned about not being able to be the one to do all of that stuff...

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lulumama · 14/07/2008 20:25

yes, i probably have

if you have tokophobia or any sort of deepset fears , then a doula can really help to allay them and to support DH

it is not to replace him, but to compliment him and you sound like you could do with a bit more help .

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:28

it's not so much the actual birth... i think an epidural might just help with that. It's all the examining...etc. that I know has to happen before you give birth. It takes a LONG time to give me a basic smear test. And took ages to complete an internal sonogram after some bleeding in early pregnancy. I just can't deal with it.

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:34

You don't have to have lots of examinations you know. I only had one with DS, for a specific reason, and this time round hope to avoid them altogether if poss (I know what you mean about smear tests...)

Hypnotherapy can be good for reducing fear, you can see a therapist or there are CDs that you can listen to. Agree that you need to talk to someone tho HTH

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:36

How do you avoid it? I'd like to try that... can doula and/or dh just tell them not to? All of the programmes we watch on discovery home&health the drs/midwives are going in and checking the cm dialated quite often before the birth. I thought they had to do that, but if I can ask them not to, that might help...

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ranirani · 14/07/2008 20:39

what examining do they do before the actual birth?? never heard of it! is it painful? I am also afraid of pain. It actually did put me off of having babies, and if not for my age ( I am 34 and now first time PG) and my DH's desire to have kids I do not think i would have done it. Reg the pain during labour, my concern is that sometimes they say it may take you longer to push the baby out so by the time you are ready to push, your epidural will wear off and they won't top it up. You know how it is with our NHS system....... or you may come in too late and they will tell you it is too late to go for epidural, so you just have to go to the delivery room without any drugs. Thats what freaks the hell out of me!!!!! I had a surgery on my ear a year ago, and it was quite a complx thing, so after the surgery I was in such pain when general anesthetic had worn off, and guess what: it took the nurse 45 minutes to fetch me some painkillers. They just are NOT bothered! they have seen it all, they see it every day. For them you are just one of the hundreds that go through their ward.
OK back to the point: what about those examinations?????

ranirani · 14/07/2008 20:40

I personally do not want any doulas..

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:41

f*!!!!!!!!!!
They better give me AND top up an epidural. I wanted the epidural for the examination bit so I wouldn't have to feel them putting their hands and tools up there. Feeling nauseous and short of breath thinking about it now.

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:44

Put in your birth plan (altho I'd call it 'birth preferences' as it's not set in stone) that you would prefer to avoid vaginal examinations. There are other ways to know how labour is progressing, and a good midwife will know this.

I had one exam with DS, as I was getting v tired and a bit scared. MW offered me the choice of examining me to see how far along I was, or going into hospital to get some more help (was home birth). Luckily I was 8cm dilated and nearly there! It gave me a real boost and I got my second wind and delivered at home.

Where are you planning to have your baby? Hospitals and MLU (midwife led units) will vary a lot. Going to visit the delivery suite can help too.

ranirani · 14/07/2008 20:45

anyway, star6, from my experience, I think hearing some positive feedback from others that have done it already helps... I was totally into C section but then i have heard so much positive stuff about epidurals, that now I think I will be fine. I start freaking out when I get wind in the belly these days and it creates this weird feeling that something is pushing out of me down below, and I just think: when I am about to go to labour, i need to get to the hospital asap to get an epidural in time. But then, you know, they are always very busy, and they can just forget about you, and then it will be too late for the epidural. I just do not know how to play it safe.... Wanted to go private for birth, but my DH still cannot grasp the idea. Any advise from anyone on how to get epidural in time????

RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:45

sorry x-posts there.

star, you really sound worried about this and it's completely understandable.

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:46

I just want a place with epidurals. I know most people on MN will disagree with this... but that's what I want. I do not want to even pass the gas&air only area unless it's to RUN by on my way to the drugs allowed zone (am at Kingston hospital - kingston upon thames).

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ranirani · 14/07/2008 20:46

what sort of examination? they can't really go inside, can they???

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:48

I want to know the same thing, ranirani!! My DH is the same way... I wanted to go privately, but he can't fathom spending that much money for the delivery...
Here's my plan... the MOMENT I feel a contraction I'll go to the hospital, then just sit in the waiting room when they tell me to go home so that I'm right there for when I'm ready and no excuse for no epidural!!

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star6 · 14/07/2008 20:49

and yes, I realize that means I could be waiting there for a few weeks....

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:50

ranirani - sometimes you'll need an exam to check how dilated your cervix is, so not right inside your uterus or anything like that! But yes, it will involve putting a hand up your fanjo...

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:50

A HAND?????????????????

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:52

star - sounds like you have a plan

Seriously tho, the thing I was most frightened of was C/S as I am phobic about hospitals. So altho I had people telling me how 'brave' I was to have a homebirth, the reality is that I was terrified of the alternative!

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:54

DH is phobic of hospitals, too. This should be fun! I rather like the idea of being "safe" in a hospital

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:54

star - your baby's head will be coming out of that part of your anatomy, it WILL stretch, promise

Sorry, am I giving TMI and panicking you more

star6 · 14/07/2008 20:56

no worries at all... not any worse than my usual nightly panic!! This is actually mild in comparison to what you read/see on the internet!

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RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2008 20:56

Oh, and i am no kind of expert, have only one DS (am 17 wks pg with number2). lulumama who posted further down is a doula and is great for this sort of thing

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