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Almost 6 months pregnant & not had sex with partner since before pregnancy and I feel he's going off of me

(31 Posts)
Waterfountain97 Tue 13-Mar-18 19:43:52

Today 19:08 Waterfountain97

So I am almost 6 months( next Saturday) and me and my partner haven't had sex since before pregnancy. This isn't what I wanted but my body is always exhausted and hurting the first 12 weeks of pregnancy we all just feel crap and didn't want to be touched and I'm finding the second trimester the hardest so far as I'm always cramping have back ache and just getting through possible kidney stones . I always have uti symptoms but no uti and I don't feel sexy at all which I feel is a huge part of sex ( for me anyway) and I just feel my partner is going off of me 💔

Fidgety31 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:04:44

Can you sort him out in other ways ?!

Waterfountain97 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:06:52

I'm so shy when it comes to sexual things I don't know why so please no hate I just get so nervous at foreplay and if I even attempt that he gets to horny and basically begs for sex and I just can't do it I'm always in agony , I'm 20 my first baby and never really been 'sexual adventurous' but I think that's because I'm just so shy

Katyx3 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:21:49

Hi waterfountain
We have only once or twice coz I'm so paranoid about bleeding! I never had regular periods and sometimes sex brought them on so just not worth it for me! He's been really good tbf, but says I owe him once baby is here 😂 priorities change now forever I'm afraid! Wouldn't worry about it 😘 x

Brownbear84 Tue 13-Mar-18 20:26:18

Can you not try? I'm sure once you relax and get into it you'll be fine and forget your aches and pains. Me and my husband have gone down to twice a week since been pregnant used to 3/4 but that's cos I'm tired but I feel bad for him otherwise,i might be pregnant but I'm not poorly xx

rollingonariver Tue 13-Mar-18 20:32:19

Honestly? He probably has.
My DP and I didn't have sex for my whole pregnancy. He can't keep his hands off my flabby after pregnancy body though! He thought it was weird to have pregnant sex, he wouldn't admit it to me at the time though.

MeadowHay Tue 13-Mar-18 21:29:26

Well if he's "begging you for sex" then he clearly hasn't gone off you!!

I'd try not to worry about it really. It's not uncommon what you're going through. I'm 26 weeks and I had HG really bad until about 18 weeks so we had no sexual intimacy of any kind from about week 6 when it kicked in until about week 20 when I started feeling better. Since then we've tried to have some sexual intimacy once a week but it's never been more often that. Tbh though we usually only had sexual encounters about once a week pre-pregnancy anyway, I don't have a very high sex drive. Sex for us now isn't that great for either of us anyway because I am too sensitive down to barely be touched due to the pregnancy hormones that cause engorgement and stuff so it's difficult for me to enjoy myself, we've only had PIV once successfully in the last 6 weeks or so since we started, but then it's not just about PIV it's about the whole spectrum of intimacy so even if I can't manage PIV we still make an effort to have some intimacy once a week. However I do want to do that though, it's not pressure from DH. If you don't feel like you want to then that's fine too.

FranticallyPeaceful Tue 13-Mar-18 21:45:58

I cannot fucking BELIEVE the replies asking her to try. What the fuck is she? His wank toy?!
Nobody concerned about the fact he wants to have sex with an unwilling partner? hmm

Currently 30 weeks pregnant and Haven’t had sex since I was 7 weeks pregnant (stopped because it felt uncomfortable and not nice).
My OH has a really high sex drive but hasn’t tried it on with me a single time. Has he gone off me? No, but he probably realises I don’t want to and he isn’t a sexual predator lol.

Why does your husband think that begging you is okay? What if you finally said yes? Then he just used your vagina as a wank toy? Pressuring somebody into sex is rape so it’s a good job you haven’t said yes!

Tell him to fuck off. You’re making a baby and you’re worth more than being somebody’s fuckthing. Look after yourself flowers

ClareB83 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:00:42

What an over reaction @FranticallyPeaceful.

OP hasn't described anything like rape. She's described a partner who'd like to have sex with her and gets hornier when they fool around - not exactly surprising.

If you're in agony OP then definitely don't have sex. But why are you in agony? Have you checked for UTIs? Is it SPD, a physio referral might help? Are you dry, lube can help?

Or do you mean there's just always something putting you off - discomfort, tiredness etc?

At six months you're only going to get more uncomfortable so sex isn't going to get any easier. But as PP have said you would probably benefit from some level of intimacy together as that will be even harder once baby is here. Try and cuddle, kiss. Maybe ask for a massage. Maybe tell him how you're feeling and see if he can reassure you that you're still sexy, which it sounds like you would appreciate. He might have some ideas on how to be together whilst respecting any aches and pains you have.

You probably live and trust him since you're having a baby with him, so trust him with how you're feeling and with coming up with a plan together.

FranticallyPeaceful Tue 13-Mar-18 22:05:18

I said pressuring somebody into sex would be considered rape “so it’s a good job she hasn’t said yes”. So no, I did not say she was raped.

Telling somebody to try to have sex if she doesn’t feel like it is disgusting, and disgusting comments like this deserve reactions as such.

AELLE7 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:33:38

No one should have sex with someone if they don't too, regardless if it is with their partner. They are not obliged to have sex with you at their will and if you don't want to have sex during pregnancy due to it being uncomfortable that's your prerogative. Quite surprised at comments telling her to try anyway and to 'sort him out' in other ways!! Foreplay is still sexual contact and again shouldn't be performed to appease the other if you categorically aren't in the mood. It should be enjoyed by both partners. Why would any man or woman want to receive foreplay if there partner doesn't want to do it, that is vile and demoralising.

Have you had an honest conversation with your partner? I think communication is the best way to tackle your insecurities about it and also to make it clear how you feel so you can stop any unwanted advances that are leading you to feel guilty. But please, remember that you do not need to feel guilty about it. Pregnancy is physically uncomfortable and mentally draining and it's completely normal to have a low sex drive at this time.

Origamoo Tue 13-Mar-18 22:36:29

It’s alright not to have or want sex if you’re not feeling great. I don’t have sex at all when pregnant as I tend to feel ill all the way through! OH copes!

Laurel543 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:46:58

He says you 'owe him once the baby's here'??? Even as a joke that is seriously chilling.

Translates as he has a right to your body, pregnancy is getting in the way of his enjoyment of you, it is somehow entirely your responsibility and you have to have sex loads to make him happy once the pesky baby is out? Sorry to come across as joyless but that just isn't funny in any way.

FranticallyPeaceful Tue 13-Mar-18 22:53:51

@Laurel543 you’re not being joyless, you’re absolutely right. I find it deeply disturbing when somebody feel like they have ownership of another persons body, it’s just not okay

AKP79 Wed 14-Mar-18 09:37:02

I'm finding this thread really uncomfortable. I actually read it to my husband last night who was equally gobsmacked.

We haven't had sex since I was about 8 weeks pregnant. I'm tired all the time and full of anxiety after two previous miscarriages. My husband has a very high sex drive, but hasn't once mentioned it or made me feel uncomfortable about it. I asked him off the back of this thread if it was something we should discuss and he said 'no, it's your body and your choice, you're growing our baby.'

He was equally shocked that people are suggesting OP should try to be intimate in other ways. She has clearly expressed she is not interested in sex at the moment and that is absolutely fine.

NotTakenUsername Wed 14-Mar-18 09:55:28

I am also shocked at the responses here... “can you not try?” - yuck!

So you aren’t in the mood because you are growing a baby. That seems very normal to me and although you feel a little insecure try to understand that many women don’t partake at all from early pregnancy until well into the postpartum stage. (Many do - also fine!)

Sex isn’t working for you right now so it is off the table. Work on being present, listening to his conversation and communicating with him well.

Long dinners, walks, games, box sets.

Sex is very important, but not while you are pregnant and sore, hormonal and not in the mood.

Give him the opportunity to show you what a good and respectful man he is - you do not have to ‘try’ to be anything right now.

Brownbear84 Wed 14-Mar-18 09:56:44

Makes me laugh this!!! Your all happy to "use" your partner when your ovulating and it's the correct time when YOU want a baby but soon as your pregnant your husband or partner has no rights and your not supposed to fulfill his needs?? Wow

NotTakenUsername Wed 14-Mar-18 10:01:28

Oh Brownbear. Relax, you love sex, we got it. You’re brilliant, way-heeeeey!!

Back in the real world, loving partnerships are multifaceted and sex is simply one enjoyable aspect. If you were busy moving house and couldn’t cosy up on the sofa with a box set for 9months, while you were busy making flat packs and unpacking boxes, no one would bat an eyelid.

A time for everything, as the Byrds once sung. wink

Brownbear84 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:04:39

Nothing to do with my relationship thankyou!! And weather I do or don't like sex is either near or there!

Waitingonasmiley42 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:16:07

Some of these responses are sickening. Do not have sex or be intimate if you don't want to. Your body and your choice!!!! Growing a human changes your body and mood completely and understandably puts some people off sexual contact.

What the fuck is wrong with some people that they advise sorting him out or "just trying". He can sort himself out and not expect the person carrying his child to force herself to do something she doesn't want to.

Waitingonasmiley42 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:18:37

"Fufill his needs"

What about her needs???? Her need not to be pestered for sex!

Laurel543 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:18:48

Now, Brownbear, your attitude IS hilarious.

Men are up for it all the time and woman only really do it to get pregnant? What on earth gave you the impression that we all obsessed about shagging our partners around ovulation to get pregnant rather than it just happening from, y'know, lovely, fun, mutually enjoyable sex at a frequency normal to us?

I genuinely like sex with my partner. Went off sex completely during the 1st trimester, felt energetic and sexy through most of the 2nd and am slowing down again in the 3rd. Like AKP, my partner has been absolutely fine with this and has never once pressured me for sex when I've not been in the mood. He would be equally horrified to read some of the comments on this thread. S

AELLE7 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:23:21

@Brownbear84 that's absolute tosh. When me and my partner were trying, if he didn't feel like having sex, I did not force him too at all and I am sure that is correct of majority of women trying with their partners who have some level of respect for each other. And why would you want to have sex with a man/women who didn't want too. That's weird. Sex shouldn't be too fulfil ONE person's needs it should be for both people in the relationship. Feel sorry for anyone who feels they HAVE to have sex with their partner when they are not in the mood, because they are obligated too.

NotTakenUsername Wed 14-Mar-18 10:41:40

Now, I know I shouldn’t ‘snoop’ but MN does give the search function, and I’m sure we all use it from time to time when we are ‘riled’ by seeing a poster sharing harmful advice.

Brownbear has been pregnant for less than 2 months (BFP on 18/01/18). How can one possibly give well meaning advice on this matter when they’ve never yet had to contend with a bump in any sort of meaningful capacity, and by their own they admission don’t feel poorly. Therefore they have very little understanding of the suffering some women endure with the hormones surges and the nausea and the extreme exhaustion.

It’s apples and oranges, and frankly I’m not sure why she felt qualified to comment on a thread by a 6month pregnant woman asking for advice and support.

Brownbear84 Wed 14-Mar-18 10:45:31

I've been pregnant before? I've got 2 other children?? This isn't my first pregnancy so I have a lot of understanding,thankyou.

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