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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Any success stories of one parent knowing the sex of baby and the other not?

27 replies

mummabubs · 10/04/2017 12:21

Basically as the title suggests...

Our first bubba is due in October, I'd always said I wanted to know the sex, DH feels just as strongly the other way. He feels it's one of the few true surprises you can have in this world and whilst that is lovely I feel that I'd really like to know so that I can mentally adjust and build more of a bond with bump. My logical head knows that it would be really tricky to consciously keep it a secret from him and I certainly wouldn't want to take away his opportunity for a surprise. So I suspect I won't find out as hard as that will be for me, but I was just curious to know if anyone else has found out and been able to make it through the last few weeks without telling their other half? Thanks all! 😊

OP posts:

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JohnLapsleyParlabane · 10/04/2017 12:26

My friends did that. She wrote the gender down and put it in an envelope. Her DH gave it back to her unopened once their daughter was born.
They called their bump by a pet name and used 'they' instead of he or she.

mummabubs · 10/04/2017 12:40

Aww nice to know it worked for someone else! I was wondering if I waited to find out until much later in the pregnancy (I'll need extra scans closer to due date) then that would limit the amount of time I'd have to keep schtum. I'd also said to DH if we did attempt it we'd have to come up with our names shortlist before then as I think otherwise it'd be obvious whether I was more into boys or girls names. It's a tricky decision and certainly not one I have to make right now but it is reassuring to know someone else has successfully done it! Thanks for sharing 😊

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Hobbitfeet32 · 10/04/2017 12:44

We did. My husband asked at the 20 week scan when I had left the room. It worked fine up until about 34 weeks when I went to a scan on my own and decided to find out then too as it was annoying me mainly due to trying to pick a name. This was second baby though. With the first neither of us found out.

GreedyDuck · 10/04/2017 12:49

I wanted to know, dp didn't. I figured that his wishes trumped mine as he didn't really get a say in anything else to do with our baby whilst it was in utero. I was actually really pleased in the end and dp was the one to tell me what we'd had.

I think the whole idea of 'bonding' with your bump is a bit overrated tbh. I knew there was a baby in there, that was enough, but I didn't get to know her properly until she was here (and even then it was a gradual process).

purplechoc · 10/04/2017 12:51

I know of a couple where he found out and she didn't. I think he just has a very good poker face generally but it worked for them. He said he slipped up once but that nobody had noticed.

I don't think I'd like the pressure myself! I'd be constantly watching what I was saying!

fairgame84 · 10/04/2017 12:58

It worked for me and DP. He stayed behind after the 20 week scan to find out. He never told me or made any hints so it was still a complete surprise to me when DS was born. I just bought everything in neutral colours as normal and DP played along by picking both boys and girls names.

MissMooMoo · 10/04/2017 13:06

DH and I have decided not to find out (I would have liked to know and he didnt want to)
I have still bonded with my bump so I wouldn't worry about that. Nearly 35 weeks now and can not wait to meet whoever is in there!

mummabubs · 10/04/2017 13:12

Thanks all, this is really helpful. I guess when I talk about bonding it's because if I'm being honest I really want a girl and feel if we are having a boy I need some time to come around to the idea! (I'm one of three girls, all my cousins are girls too so apart from DH I have limited experience of the world of men haha!) Please don't get me wrong, obviously I'll love our child either way but for me part of the anxiety of pregnancy is not knowing if I'll have say goodbye to my girl dream this time around. My thoughts are probably also currently impacted by the fact that my friend who is 27 weeks was in exactly the same position as me, she's found out she's having a boy and said that just knowing that's definitely what's happening has helped her to adjust to her bubba being a little man.

OP posts:

madeleinecreek · 10/04/2017 13:30

My friends did this. Dh found out... told dw within hours (she asked).

carabos · 10/04/2017 13:34

Meh. It's not really a "surprise" is it? You know it's a girl or a boy and you know when it's going to be revealed. Knowing or not knowing doesn't change anything.

mummabubs · 10/04/2017 13:37

It would change things for me Carabos. And I do understand where DH is coming from, we seek certainty a lot in life and this is one of the few things where you can just go with uncertainty (which obviously I'm not quite as subscribed to at the moment!) It's a completely individual choice, I was just asking whether couples have managed to do this in the past.

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2017Babyontheway · 10/04/2017 13:42

Mummabubs I am the exact same as you!

I am 14 weeks pregnant and desperate to find out what we are having. I too feel like I would like a girl and will need to get my head around having a boy! It wouldn't make any difference how I feel towards to baby but I too am from an all girl family and I suppose it is what I am used to! My partner is desperate to keep it a surprise so we are not going to find out, unless I can break him before our 20 week scan 😉🙊

2014newme · 10/04/2017 13:44

Babies are not little men.
Hth

Smidge001 · 10/04/2017 14:24

Worked for my brother and his wife. He wanted to know, she didn't. He managed to keep it quiet the rest of the pregnancy (but wouldn't tell any of us ) so it was still a surprise for her.

FamilySpartan · 10/04/2017 14:27

I'm the opposite, OP. I thought I would only have a boy (for some odd reason) and felt I needed to find out the sex as I would need to get used to the idea. DH would have preferred a surprise but he's happy enough knowing what we have now.

My friends did this - she found out at 20 weeks and he didn't. She did slip up occasionally but made a game of it, sometimes referring to the bump as male and sometimes female. Her DH said he had his suspicions but was a good sport about it.

Good luck!

Raaaaaah · 10/04/2017 14:33

I found out with our third at a private scan. DP didn't know I knew. I didn't tell anyone that I knew. It was quite tricky pulling off the the surprised face when she was born.

FerdinandsRevenge · 10/04/2017 14:37

gured that his wishes trumped mine as he didn't really get a say in anything else to do with our baby whilst it was in utero. I was actually really pleased in the end and dp was the one to tell me what we'd had

lol I'm sure he was gutted to miss out on morning sickness, constipation, swollen ankles and 9 months of sobriety. Not to mention labour.

Op, I found out and didn't tel him I did until after the baby. It would have been too difficult for me to avoid blurting it out or use specific pronouns. It was part of binding for me, I wanted to know the baby's name in my head, and visualise it.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 10/04/2017 14:38

Not quite the same but PIL wanted a surprise for both ours. I think we pulled it off with Ds but with Dd, dh's auntie spilled the beans to his mum. Still managed to keep FIL in the dark though. There's no way we would be able to keep it a secret from each other though, we were excited for everyone in dhs family as there have been no girls for 40 years, if I'd have known and Dh didn't it would have been too hard to control knowing she was a girl.

mummabubs · 10/04/2017 18:03

Haha @2017Babyontheway we really are- I'm 14 weeks too! 😊 Husband has just suggested that maybe we could ask the sonographer to write it down on paper in an envelope and that way I could leave it much closer to due date before deciding whether I really want to find out. Just feels very weird knowing there's something in there and not having a clue whether they're my son or daughter!

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2017Babyontheway · 10/04/2017 19:49

Haha @mummabubs you'll have to let us know what you decide. I have a feeling my husband won't budge!!

When's your 20 week scan? Mines not until 19th may so have a while to wait yet before the temptation is right in front of me!

mammytoonebabyboy · 10/04/2017 23:45

My dad didn't want to know I was a girl, nor did my Nan. My mother kept it a secret throughout the whole pregnancy & it was a complicated pregnancy but my dad and my nan didn't know until the minute I popped out. My mother made sure it written all over her notes that my dad didn't wanna know & she even chucked him out the room when I was on the monitor because of the old wives tale about boys hearts being slower than girls haha! However, my dad and Nan also didn't want to know whether my baby is a boy or girl, I found out at 18 weeks and slipped up to my dad within an hour. I'm 37 weeks now and slipped up to my Nan 3 weeks ago, so it is possible as long as you haven't got a big mouth like me!:) x

Dolwar · 11/04/2017 00:42

I know a couple who managed. They just called the bump Alex throughout pregnancy. He knew. She didn't.

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mummabubs · 11/04/2017 06:56

Wow, I definitely couldn't keep it quiet for 20 odd weeks! I think if DH doesn't budge, which I know he won't, I might just have to settle that for #2 in future we find out!

@2017Babyontheway we are also scan twins haha! 19th of May too 😊 Best of luck for yours x

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2017Babyontheway · 11/04/2017 08:13

Haha how weird @mummabubs! Next we''ll probably realise we live near another too!

Good luck on the 19th! Keep us updated if you do find out x

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 10:36

We've already got one of each so this third )and most definitely last) is going to be a surprise. We found out both times and both times I actually wish we hadn't.

My OH took some convincing but I have now just banned him from asking as I just want to find out when they are born. I've told him if he starts trying to cajole me in the scan I will ask him to leave the room 🙈🙈🙈There is so little left in life that is truly a source of total surprise and joy so that's the way I see it.

Just now need to hope there are no illuminating potty shots or flashes during scans. Now I've said that of course........

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