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Partner wants me to get a abortion πŸ˜–

(34 Posts)
SummerLove87 Sat 06-Aug-16 11:08:24

Hi Ladies....Ive on the Pill for over a year and taking Antibiotics 3/4weeks ago and have fallen pregnant as apparently the Antibiotics can cancel out the pill! First I've heard! It came bit of a shock to me and my partner who I have only been with for a year,we Love eachother so Much we know it's not the right time to have a baby as to early in the relationship,And he wants to wait 2 more years and then try for a baby,Even though it wasn't planned I feel incredibly Sadden by this,he doesn't want to talk to any of his friends or family about this,I think so he doesn't change his mind ??? He said he wants to Plan for a baby....he's 35 and I'm 29.

neonrainbow Sat 06-Aug-16 11:10:10

If you want the baby can you see yourself doing it alone?

thumb3lina Sat 06-Aug-16 11:12:36

You need to make a decision for what you want, you have to be the one to decide. If you got an abortion but really didn't want one, you would end up resenting your DP which could lead to a breakup anyway.

I hope you can make the right decision flowers

LaurieFairyCake Sat 06-Aug-16 11:15:31

If you have doubts don't have an abortion

Most people quite like those squalling things once they come out winkgrin

At 35 he's really old enough to man up and go with what you decide

Dlah Sat 06-Aug-16 11:19:32

Have to agree . . Neither of you are children, you've been together a year - some people fall pregnant after a few weeks! If you want this child, planned or not, you need to make it clear. At the end of the day, regardless of antibiotics, pill isn't 100% effective so he should have known every time you had sex was always a small risk and if he didn't want that should have used extra protection.

Good luck with your decision

chocdonutyy Sat 06-Aug-16 11:19:58

Antibiotics don't cancel out the pill but can cause upset stomach/dihorrhea which sends the pill through your body quicker than usual, therefore lowering it's effectiveness.
Usually you would have been told of this possibility by the pharmacy/doctor and it would have been on the info leaflet.
Anyway what's done is done so you need to decide what's best for you, only have an abortion if it's what you want.
There's rarely an ideal.time to have a baby and even then you can't control if and when you will become pregnant.
Think carefully and good luck!

ImYourMama Sat 06-Aug-16 11:20:44

An abortion has to be YOUR choice and
Your choice alone, you can do this it you want to and if you don't want to, that's ok. But you need to make this choice flowers

Whatsername17 Sat 06-Aug-16 12:19:36

I agree with all of the posters above. Something else to consider: I fell pregnant easily in my 20s but it was much harder in my early 30s. I think you need to make the decision that you can live with.

EdithBouvierBeale Sat 06-Aug-16 12:31:36

Think about what YOU want. I was persuaded to have an abortion in my 20s. I was scared and a bit overwhelmed by the pregnancy so allowed myself to be talked into an abortion, but I didn't really stop to consider my own feelings beyond the shock. It took me years to get over it. For months afterwards, I had to go to supermarkets without clothes since catching sight of baby things reduced me to tears. Please really think.

SeashellHoarder Sat 06-Aug-16 13:09:13

As hard as it sounds, this is YOUR decision. Personally I think your dp's point about waiting 2 years is the shock talking, if you're not ready at 35, what's the difference at 37.

Jodie1982 Sat 06-Aug-16 14:49:59

I had an Abortion in 2010 as my partner was so against another baby, financial issues plus 2 other DC, he said it could split us up in future due to stress. I went ahead with it, even tho I wasn't 100% sure I was doing the right thing. Afterwards, 2mths later my relationship ended anyway, and I have been left with so much guilt and anger towards the ex, I could've just bought the baby up on my own....why wasn't I thinking straight! But I was put under so much pressure by the ex to do it.

Please don't have an abortion through pressure and negativity. You'll instantly regret it.

puzzledleopard Sat 06-Aug-16 15:41:02

He is entitled to his opinion and it doesn't mean he won't change his mind once hes got over the initial shock. At least he has been honest and open about his thoughts he's put them forward for consideration rather than keeping it to himself . what does he want to wait for?

You said "we know it's not the right time to have a baby" I dont think there is a right time! Trying to find the perfect time well life just doesn't work like that, you can only plan to a certain extent there might never be the right time something might always come up.

Just make sure the decision you make is yours 100% , you can be sure you are making the right decision and there is no pressure either way from the people around you.

SummerLove87 Sat 06-Aug-16 17:57:39

He wants to wait for another 2 years when we're Living together and just been together longer than a year....This is absolutely Tearing me apart....he said if I go through will this,the Trust will be gone and he will end up resenting me....

SummerLove87 Sat 06-Aug-16 18:17:29

No I don't think I want to do it on my Own.

seven201 Sat 06-Aug-16 18:20:27

But you will resent him if you abort. It seems Either way will end in resentment unfortunately. I certainly couldn't stay with a man who asked me to do that.

wobblywonderwoman Sat 06-Aug-16 18:22:44

I think he's not the right man. Why would the trust be gone ? That's a strange thing to day. What would be the difference in two years really ? He will be 37.

FellOutOfBed2wice Sat 06-Aug-16 18:25:43

I personally don't think I would have had an abortion at 29 had I been childless but equally not sure I could have gone it alone either. You shouldn't be pressured into the decision though, because it's your body and ultimately you have to live with it.

MephistoMarley Sat 06-Aug-16 18:32:15

The trust will be gone? He means he won't be able to trust that you will always do what he wants hmm how can you not terminating a pregnancy impact his trust in you? Does he think you trapped him on purpose?

43percentburnt Sat 06-Aug-16 18:34:30

I agree with Wobbly he is not the right man. If he wants kids eventually with you then this may not be ideal, but there is rarely the right time. He knows that by having sex there is a risk of pregnancy. The pill and condoms together lessen this risk, I'm guessing he wasn't that bothered about avoiding pregnancy that he wore a condom? Yes it may not be what you would have chosen however to say the trust would be gone...

So he trusted that if you got pregnant you would abort. Really?

You need to decide what you want - if you abort you may split up, if you keep the baby you may split up. You have to be ok with your decision.

timelytess Sat 06-Aug-16 18:36:25

So, you don't think you can do this on your own but you don't want an abortion?

He's not a nice man. He wanted sex with you but when a baby turns up he's nasty. 'The trust will be gone', will it? Just thinking... how much trust does he expect you to show him? You're obviously having condom-free sex - so did he get tested to be sure you'd be safe? Did you? You don't have to answer, just think about the balance of trust in the relationship.

He'll 'end up resenting' you? Too right he will if you clog up his life with a baby, taking his money and his time and expecting him to be a grown-up. He'll resent the heck out of you.

Do you know his friends and family? He wants to keep it secret from them. That's so they won't know what an irresponsible man he is. Or so they aren't prompted to tell you things about him that you don't already know.

There's a field of red flags flying. Don't ignore them. First, leave him and don't go back. Then decide if you want to go ahead with this pregnancy or not.

Missgraeme Sat 06-Aug-16 18:40:06

And if u have an abortion at his insistence u will resent him..... Kids don't always follow a schedule. Although I agree women have the right to the choice to abort I don't agree just for convenience (or that a dick bf tells them to) tell him u are sorry if he isn't ready to be a parent but u are. Fact is more women regret an abortion than regret keeping the baby.

NovemberInDailyFailLand Sat 06-Aug-16 18:41:50

If you're incredibly saddened by the thought of aborting your baby, then don't do it. You need to take your own decisions.

ayeokthen Sat 06-Aug-16 18:49:19

The amount of men who are quoted on here saying "if you do/don't do this I'll....." Fuck right off. Bottom line, do you want to keep the baby? If yes, don't have an abortion. If no, have one. But it has to be YOUR decision, not his. You know before you fall asleep at night, that time where you can't escape your thoughts? Whatever your gut is telling you then, is right.

BubsAndMoo Sat 06-Aug-16 18:50:29

It's really not on for him to try and emotionally blackmail into an abortion by saying that 'the trust will be gone', what does he even mean by that? What about your trust that he is supportive of you as you go through this?

It's fine for him to be shocked, scared even, by the thought of unexpected and unplanned parenthood. Hopefully it is just the shock talking. But he's been having unprotected sex with you, pregnancy was always a risk. He can choose whether or not to be in a relationship with you; but he made his choice whether or not to risk becoming a parent when he had sex with you, especially without taking any responsibility for contraception himself. The pregnancy exists now; a baby is already growing; whether the pregnancy continues really isn't up to him at all, your body, your choice. Please don't feel pressured into an abortion that you're not 100% sure on. You can't go back on it.

If you were pregnant from a one night stand, would you continue the pregnancy?

CodyKing Sat 06-Aug-16 18:59:29

What about your trust that he is supportive of you as you go through this?

He's very self centred - he's outing it all in you instead of being in it together -

Ask him some direct questions, what happens if you keep the baby? How does he feel about being a weekend dad?

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