Having a wobble about birth choice

[kiki22]

I've been pretty much dead set on a planned section since before I fell pregnant, consultant has agreed it in principle as a maternal request there is no medical need for it, however the last month pretty much since they agreed it I've been wondering if I do actually want a section.

My first I was induced loads of intervention ending in forceps, an episiotomy and 2 second degree tears. I'm not a great healer and am prone to infections, I didn't heal properly and had 2 infections, had to go back to fix some stitching with local anathetic which was horrendous this all lead me to think I want a section. There has been no lasting damage (4 years later) apart from mentally I'm wondering if I'm putting myself through a major OP through fear instead of for the right reasons now.

[Therealyellowwiggle]

In this situation I'd have a section in a heartbeat.

[skankingpiglet]

This baby will be DC2 so I've not been able to experience this myself, but from what others say no two of your births will be the same. I do have experience of elcs and on that front I can say I found the procedure very relaxed, calm, quick, and generally much better than expected (although my expectations were very low!). However I found the recovery personally very difficult and as a result of that I'm trying for a vbac and really hope I don't end up with another cs. I can only imagine how much harder it would be with a very physical toddler. That's not to say an elcs isn't the answer for you, just that it's not without it's own issues and most definitely isn't an 'easy option'. They obviously can be the best choice on balance (I've requested one if overdue as not comfortable with my risk levels if I'm induced), just do your research.
Can you discuss your concerns with your midwife and possibly get a debrief on your previous birth? Talking through what happened and why might help, as well as discussing what could be put in place to prevent it happening again.
In terms of not healing well and being prone to infections, these could be an issue no matter which path you choose.

[mrssmith79]

ELCS all the way.
If I were susceptible to infection I'd rather have one in a sterile, linear, abdominal site than lurking in the annals of my post-birth battered, tattered undermeats.

[makingmiracles]

On the other side, just because your first birth experience was bad doesn't mean the second time will be...
My first was awful, induced, failed epidural, 3 hrs pushing, threatened section, they did an episiotomy and finally I got him out. Afterwards was in pain for about 6 wks, couldn't sit for a week and convinced now looking back I had infected stitches but being young I wouldn't let anyone check

Second time round(22 months later) I had a natural labour post dates(refused induction that time round) and a calm water birth with no cutting tearing or stitches, felt wonderful afterwards instead of like first time when I felt like I'd been run over by a bus!!

Ultimately it's only you that can make the choice but I just wanted you to know my experiences as they were so different

[kiki22]

I have said all the way ELCS I think the reality of it it setting in and I'm shitting myself now to do this over at all

I'm terrified of going into that hospital again every time I go for a scan or appointment it brings it all back.

[kiki22]

making thanks I know a few people in rl that have had similar experiences as you which is part of why I'm swaying. Ive not come across any rl people that had the same or worse second time around so far.

[addstudentdinners2]

Having had a section I genuinely don't know why anyone would choose one. Hideous experience.

But there are those who say the same about vaginal birth. It's a totally individual choice isn't it.

[SaltySeaBird]

Have had both. Would choose the vaginal delivery a million times over a section - and that was despite an episiotomy, 13 hour active labour with no pain relief and baby who got stuck.

But, no two births are the same, no two experiences are the same. Some people would opt for the section over my vaginal birth experience. The first week was very tough though.

[addstudentdinners2]

For me actually recovery after section was fine - up and about (albeit in pain but manageable) the day after and now four weeks post partum I am completely pain free and have been since about 10 days after.

The reason my section was hideous was the section itself and the immediate aftermath. Hated the spinal block. Sent me totally doolally. Couldn't hold DS for 2 hours as was so numb and out of it. Awful.

[Junosmum]

I'd have a section in a heartbeat- in fact for DC2 I will be pushing for one.

I had a similar birth to you but also had manual removal of my placenta under spinal block, which wasn't pleasant but was a breeze compared to the forceps with out pain relief and the subsequent incontinence and pain I'm experiencing 14 weeks on. Another vaginal birth puts me at significant risk of my incontinence and rectal prolapse being permanent, if it isn't already.

You have an 11% chance of a second assisted delivery.

[kiki22]

Junosmum ive always said from the day I came off conception I'll never do it again without a section. Ive been lucky that I had lots of pain but no lasting damage. I think a big my ds will start school 2 days before I reach 39 weeks so I'm possibly missing out on his first few weeks of school for an 89% chance ill be fine. Dp and my mum have been gob smacked I'm wavering on this ive always been adamant about it.

[Sneeze182]

As a midwife, who also had a grotty first birth, I am 100% going for a normal birth this time as second labours are generally so quick and easy, I see everyday how healing emotionally they are for women who have had a crap first birth. Do you have a midwife led birthing unit nearby? Very few second babies need help like forceps, much less likely to tear etc. have you had a good debrief with a midwife on your last birth?

[kiki22]

I'm in Glasgow so only have a huge city centre hospital as an option (where I had my first) I have left a msg for the midwife to go ask about what went wrong the first time. Tbh I think it was my stress at the bottom of it my grandad was given 6 weeks to live 7 weeks before my due date by the due date I was frantic to get the baby out before he went so they induced me at 41 weeks, while in the labour room I got the call to say that he had been taken to Marie curie because they didn't think he would last the night which set me inwardly hysterical that's when things stated to go wrong. They offered me a section which I refused because I felt I needed out to get to my grandad asap. Then I was at the hospice on day 2&3 when I should have been at home recovering.

I'm pretty sure the stress in the months leading up then the frantic feeling I had to get him out was a lot to do with it, I don't regret it as such because they did get to meet but in the grand scheme of things ds can't remember and my grandad could nearly open his eyes so i don't know if it was worth all the suffering ive been through to get there.

Sorry that turned into a bit of a moan 😞

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

kiki that sounds really tough. I had a similar experience as my aunt was diagnosed with a brain tumour late in my pregnancy and then given days to live just as I went into labour. DH protected me as much as he could but I'm convinced grief was a big part of my failure to progress. I ended up with an emcs and it was actually fine. I recovered very quickly and easily as DH did a lot to look after baby and me. (I also made it to hospital to say goodbye and introduce baby to my aunt 5 days later which means a lot).
I'm going for an elcs this time though not needed on medical grounds. In hoping for another easy recovery and for a sense of control that was missing last time. Good luck.

[Sneeze182]

Sounds like an awful time and very possibly why things didn't go well, emotions and stress have a massive effect on labour and birth.
High stress levels/adrenaline makes contractions weaker, often leading to hormone drips and epidurals which increase the chance of needing forceps. There's every chance this time you would walk in and have a very normal birth and walk out again 6 hours later, the majority of second babies for mums with normal pregnancies are like this. But of course it is always your call, you have to do what you feel is best for you, but equally take your time, you don't have to decide for sure til the last minute.

[JoMalones]

I personally think you should do ELCS. I had a horrific first birth so decided an ELCS second time. I had the same doubts as you at about 8m. I think it is hormonal or something as if I wasn't pregnant I wouldn't have even questioned it! I had an ELCS (1.5yrs age difference between DC) and it was amazing. I was walking within a day! It was so much faster on recovery, the birth was amazing, very relaxed, controlled and quick. A very personal choice, I have no doubt that birth number 3 will be another ELCS. I also know that if I want to consider natural birth, when it came to it, I would be petrified, scared to push and regret it. I also know that I would rather my bikini line be cut again rather than down there!

[kiki22]

Thank you. The midwife did tell me if I book in for the section I can change my mind right up until the get me on the table pretty much.

My main fear is getting the forceps again if I could rule that out I think I would be ok with trying, the worst thing I even done in my life was saying no the first time I could have been better off I think.

[Sneeze182]

You can say "no forceps" in your plan and that you will only consent to a ventouse/section if you needed help. You can go into labour, see how it goes, and have that guarantee that there will definately be no forceps. It's totally your call.
If you are thinking about giving labour a go then I'd highly recommend squeezing in a last minute hypnobirthing session if possible, It can give some real calm to the situation.
Whatever you decide will be the right thing x

[Hedgeh0g]

I think it comes down to how confident you are in the reasons it 'went wrong' last time. I had a similar traumatic first birth - prepped for a crash c section, then they discovered baby was pretty much there so episiotomy and forceps with a spinal. The episiotomy got infected and broke down completely and I am still living with the effects to my pelvic floor from the forceps. I will be requesting an elcs this time and will probably get it on medical grounds, and, whilst worried about the risks, I am sure it is the right thing for me. I'm sure, because I still have no idea what went wrong last time, and so can't have any level of confidence that the exact same thing wouldn't happen again. And I have a reasonable level of confidence that any episiotomy/tearing stitches would break down again because of my type of skin. And the thing is, I was so anti forceps last time, but having them was completely the right thing for my situation then, there wasn't really any choice, and in the same situation I'd consent again. So I've decided that I can't risk putting myself in the same situation and causing further damage, and will have to accept what I see as the more controlled risks and recovery of an elcs. Do talk to your midwife and see if you can get your head round what happened last time, because I really think that will help you decide.

[kiki22]

I think understanding will help. I know it sounds crazy after everything that went wrong but really what I would want is a homebirth with hypnobirthing and a pool, its not even to make up from last time because I had no intention of doing any of that before.

I'll give the midwife a call again tomorrow to see if I can get in to see her quickly, the faster I can understand what happened the longer I have to decide what to do. I'm 70% I can do this naturally it will be fine total calm then 30% fuck that

[Sneeze182]

Or even better call the birth crisis line. Attached

[Sneeze182]

There's someone local to Glasgow x

[Hedgeh0g]

It doesn't sound crazy at all. My women's physio is based on the post-natal ward, and when I was back there a couple of weeks ago I started feeling quite panicky. I'd do anything to avoid having to stay on that ward again, anything apart from risk forceps and more damage that is! If only they did home c sections :)

[hopeful31yrs]

I'd like a ELCS this time and will be pushing for one. With my DD1 I went into spontaneous labour with my hind waters breaking at 39 weeks. I was told that I wasn't in labour and i'd be induced the next day. At 2am contractions were coming every 30 seconds and so DH phoned labour ward who reluctantly asked me to come in. It was clear we were the only ones there and from the moment we got to LW it was very much "why have you come in" and "you're not in labour - but we'll keep you on postnatal and induce you in the morning". We were transferred down to the postnatal ward and no one saw us for the rest of the night. At 6:00 am, after tolerating pain for 4 hrs I asked DH to get something for me for the pain - was told to have a shower and i'd be examined at 6:30am for induction in the morning. We noted i was bleeding so he went out again to the staff and they came in and examined me. I was then found to be 10cm dilated and my waters went fully.

I was transferred up to LW amongst a whole host of panic - and then told to start pushing as the midwives rushed to catch up with my notes. I was given gas and air at that point and got on with pushing - again left far too long and at 8 am was still pushing with no progress. It was only because it was handover time that I feel it got questioned why I was still pushing 2 hrs later and was taken straight for forceps. I DIDN'T want forceps - the only thing I had said categorically no to but was told it was my only option at that point as she was stuck. My DH lost it as in my haze of G&A I signed the consent form and then they were asking him if I really did mean it!

DD was born at 10:21 am and thankfully well.

I very much felt I had no control over the birth at all. I coped well with labour but felt my viewpoint was dismissed too many times to have faith in the system again. The whole thing as well was something that I'd discussed antenatally also and one of the reasons I went for consultant led care. I asked about an elective C Section because I have a family history of my grandmother and mother not being able to push babies out because of our size. Both had stillbirths because of it - I was a c-section and my brother forceps. I was told it was nonsense that it wouldn't happen to me and they "didn't give women a choice". During the time I was having her and post delivery I was just happy things were fine - it was only about 6 months down the line that I started to look back and feel angry about the lack of control over everything. In addition I also have pelvic floor problems that wouldn't have been such an issue had I not have been pushing for so long +/- forceps.

For me ELCS now seems like the only way I will have control this time - and the safest option. I am fully prepared to be told I have no clinical reason for this but DH is pretty much on my side and regrets not attending some of the key appointments last time.

[mudandmayhem01]

My first birth was very similar to yours, my second with a lot quicker, no stitches and I was walking the dog in the woods less than 24 hrs later. I wouldn't have liked to gave been recovery from a cs whilst looking after a toddler.