too much, too young? how rude...(33 Posts)
I'm basically writing this post to vent some frustration. I'm 22 and I married my partner of 4 years 9 weeks ago. I work with alot of older women some of whom have children my age. They're all lovely however all seemed to have the opinion that I am too young to get married and one even said she would be gutted to see her daughter settle so young and how do I know he is the one when I haven't lived. I have lived. I am so in love and I know my own mind. I have always been very mature. I have always worked as has DH (he is 25). Now we've found out were pregnant and I had to tell work for risk assessments. It's a honeymoon baby and we couldn't be happier. However I am now having more criticism at work saying it's babies having babies. I think they're all bonkers I genuinely couldn't be happier things feel like they're falling into place.
Like I said this was just a posy to vent my frustration but comments and opinions (on both sides) are welcome
Blimey, it's not like you're 16. I can see how to some people it might seem all a bit fast, and 22 is on the younger side to get married / pregnant, but I wouldn't consider it comment worthy. At least you have a strong relationship. You're right - it's rude.
Some people just don't know when to butt out. I got pregnant at 21 and had my DD at 22, all planned. Best decision of my life, haven't regretted any of it for a single second. I got engaged a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant and when I told work I was pg one horrible patronising cow said (in pitying tones) "oh, is that why he proposed?" Ummm, no it wasn't you cheeky bitch!
DD is now 3, I am very happily married and 8 weeks with baby number 2. And I'm still only 25! Shock horror. You do you, and forget what everyone else thinks.
Firstly congratulations. Secondly who cares what anyone thinks live your life how you want. X
I find only very old people get to be that rude.
They are probably talking about their own regrets, it isn't a judgement on you really.
I had my babies late, I wish I'd had them at your age. Congratulations!
I'm the same age as you and have a two year old daughter and have been with my partner for 6 years.
We have also just found out that were expecting.
Your maturity comes across in your post - certainly not a case of 'kids having kids.' What an inflammatory thing to say, not to mention hurtful!
Ugghhhhh! How dare they! Please just ignore the witches xxx
Maybe when they were 22 they were immature! That doesn't mean everyone is. I got engaged at 21, married at 22 and had my DD at 24. When I got engaged, I had to deal with some comments like that so I know just how infuriating it can be! If anything, they are just showing themselves to be immature. Obviously we have never met you but as a pp said, your maturity comes across in your post! You'll have the last laugh when your baby arrives and they see how strong a little family you are! Don't let them get you down! x
I wouldn't take it personally-i get it too and I'm 28 nearly.
Don't worry about it just ignore them. I was 22 and 6 months pregnant when i got married, also having been with dh for 4 years. We had already booked the wedding before i found out i was pregnant and decided to stay with the date we chose. A couple of people assumed we got married because i was pregnant. Were still going strong 8 years later and now expecting number 3 :-) x
Your colleagues are so rude!
You have a solid and happy relationship so why shouldn't you have a child? Not everyone is ready for a child at 22 but you are so many congratulations on your pregnancy
I have been with OH for 10 years now (since I was 16) when you know you know. I wouldn't worry about what others say. If your happy then it's no one else's business
Ignore them, doesn't matter what you do someone will always be there to judge. I'm 34 and been trying for 4 years and I've been told several times that I'm too old and should give up. You can't please everyone so just please yourself.
I for one am very happy for you. Congratulations
It's a very rude thing to say to someone's face, especially as you're married and not exactly a teen.
However with respect I was with my husband at 20 years old and neither of us had lived! Fast forward 15 years and we've bought and renovated a flat, travelled the world, been on some incredible holidays, done seasons in Ibiza, started a business and only now are we in the "family" stage of our relationship - we've got a toddler and one on the way.
There's nothing to say any of those things make you a better mum but just having the freedom to "live your life" pre children is quite a big deal in my opinion. Of course you can do these things post children but not with the same spontaneity or reckless abandon.
I got that too - I had my eldest at 19 but I don't feel particularly youthful
Think of a stock response and say it every time. They'll soon get bored (and used to the idea). Or if you feel brave enough - call them on it! I sometimes do when people say things about younger parents that offend me. Just gently, but that draws their attention to the fact they are making you feel uncomfortable. E.g. Everyone's different aren't they, it's funny how we everyone has their own idea of what order we do things in!
I just find it very patronising!! Such lovely stories though ladies thankyou so much for sharing and support
If it's any consolation, my group of friends and I were comparing people's responses to our various pregnancies and found that between us we had been criticised for having children too young (me), too old (me again a lot of years later), when too poor, when working too much, when working too little, at the start of a career, in the middle of a career, when living in the wrong type of house... The list goes on!
Basically, as long as it's the right time for you and your partner, then you can happily ignore all the negative comments.
I wish you a lovely pregnancy
I was engaged at 16, married at 21 and had our first child at 26. I got lots of comments about not having lived, how we need to "grow", live a bit and the good ol' "was it planned?"
We've been married over 11 years, have two kids, and are happy. The comments don't mean a thing (even had weird ones from my own mother!)
Ignore and carry on. It's none of their business.
Don't worry. If you'd waited until you were 26/27 before getting pregnant, people would have started telling you that you needed to hurry up and that your ovaries shrivel to dust the moment you hit 30.
I think that women are only allowed to get married around age 30, have babies age 28/29. Only allowed 2 babies, by the same father, make sure he never leaves them. They must both work and be a ft SAHM. they also have to be married before they have babies.
If you can work out how to do all of the above, someone will criticize you for being smug.
Ignore ignore ignore.
They may be reflecting on themselves and thinking they wouldn't have been ready to marry at your age. Rude to judge you though.
DH and I got together at 18, engaged at 20, married at 22 and had DS at 26. We've seen couples marry and divorce in the time we've been together and we're still as strong as ever. All relationships are different.
I think it's wonderful you're so happy and settled, I would be delighted if my daughter was in your position at 22. I didn't meet DH till my late twenties and had my first (and only) baby at 34, I wish it had happened earlier for me. I would just reply with 'I'm happy, don't knock it!' and a massive smug grin on my face, rub their noses in your happiness and let them wallow in their doom and gloom if it bothers them so much
Absolutely ignore! A mothers place is in the bloody wrong!
I first fell pregnant at 18 and mc. I'm part of a close group of friends all around the same age. All extremes. One is now a grandmother having also fallen pregnant with her eldest at 18. She is still married to the father, they have the strongest relationship I know (and she was a wild child before meeting him too). Another just had her first ages 41 2 years ago. She has medical issues which also affected fertility.
I met dds dad aged 20. We married at 23 and had dd at 28, but that was after 5 years of various medical issues including another mc and ectopic.
For starters it's nobody else's business.
I've also been an hcp and at one point this included looking after very young mums...14/15. That of course is not ideal, but honestly there's pros and cons whatever age you are. Not all v young mums are immature and struggle to cope not all older mums are mature or sensible either!
As for 'living a little' it's possible to do that with kids. My friend that's now a gran has travelled, gone back to uni, set up her own business...
Your life doesn't stop when you have kids!
Congratulations and good luck and enjoy baby when they arrive. The one thing that is true is they grow up all too quickly!
I think what I find so offensive here is the idea that you stop 'living' once you get married and have kids. I got married at 26 and had my first dd at 27. However, id been with dh since I was 18. We moved in together at 22. We had a ball at every stage. Having a baby made my life infinitely better. I'd respond with 'I'm surprised at you saying that, I never thought you'd be that judgemental'.
I don't think anyone says you stop living but in the 21 months since I had a child nights out have always had the cloud of a returning grandparent and the prospect looming of looking after a toddler with a hangover the next day. Holidays with children are fun but well, not relaxing in the slightest! I have had the chance to go to two festivals for the weekend while my parents looked after him which were fun but again, I had to leave early and pick him up en route home feeling hanging and do all the muddy laundry with a toddler clinging to my leg. I even went to America for a week but I missed my boy and felt guilty all week for leaving him.
Your life changes immeasurably after children! Which is why I waited until I was 34 to have my first because I wanted to "live my life". If you've never done any of those things then I guess it's not so much of a change.
(Yes I will be able to travel and socialise freely when my children are older / left home, I realise that)
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