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How would/did you settle a disagreement with partner on baby names?

(41 Posts)
RL20 Sat 31-Jan-15 20:02:57

To cut a long story short- I would of had a whole list of girls name as I find it much easier. Only had a few boys names in mind as I've felt really picky towards boys names as I didn't want them too modern or too old.
We're having a baby boy.
Partner has never really had much thought or input into anything so far (I'm due in April). He hasn't expressed many ideas to anything at all. Now all of a sudden he decides he doesn't like the name that I've said I love for the past 2 months!
I feel as though I want to choose a first name as he will be having his dad's surname, and also one of his relatives as a middle name!
This will probably be the only child I have, (he has one other child). I just feel really strongly that I want to name him, within reason of course. My main annoyance is that he's not mentioned that he doesn't like it before, and even says "well let me pick the first name and he can have your surname". Which made me feel a bit hurt as I thought I was doing a really nice, traditional thing by putting baby's surname as his! (His other child doesn't have his surname). And now I feel like it doesn't even matter that much to him! Feeling a bit down about it.
Any suggestions?

bagofsnakes Sat 31-Jan-15 20:18:05

This really is a tricky one. I had a name that I aways, aways wanted to give to my son if I had one. DH didn't want it and to be honest it was really difficult to give it up, but I had to. In the end we found one that we both liked a lot, it had more meaning to us than my original one and I am now very happy that my son has that name. Certainly one of the tricker compromises of our relationship (and it took a couple of months to work it out) but you can't have a name that one partner doesn't like, they'd never get over it.

Sure you'll work it out with time, but it may take quite a bit of time... maybe until April! Luckily you get 6 weeks after the birth to decide smile

fattymcfatfat Sat 31-Jan-15 20:50:41

I just point blank told my ex the names for dc1 and 2. For this one he put his foot down and we had to come to a compromise

GoooRooo Sat 31-Jan-15 20:51:18

We were still talking about boy's names on the way to the hospital.

After watching me in labour for three days and pushing his first born into the world - I got to chose the name. He chose the middle name and the baby also got his surname. So I recommend the 'let him watch you suffer' method of resolving name disputes ;)

Bondy83 Sat 31-Jan-15 21:05:18

I'm expecting my 3rd boy in a few weeks so I know exactly what your going thru. Me and dh have completely different ideas on names. We are nowhere near on agreeing a name this time. The truth is I will let him think he is having his say but in all honestly if I don't like the name he won't be getting called it it's me that's carried this baby for 40 weeks so it's me who'll have final say on his name. I have found that it's best to keep suggestions to myself as youll always get someone who'll pull a face at a name you love & it will put you off. When people ask I just say we're undecided and we're going to see what he looks like when he's born but secretly I'm 90%sure of his name already whether dh and others like it or not.

FiRaffe Sun 01-Feb-15 08:49:19

Have you both done a list of names you like and compared?
We've not decided on names yet (only 28 weeks), but we have a short list. We bought 2 of those names books from the works and independently went through writing lists of names. DH then went through and wrote a list of all the names on both lists and whether we liked as middle or first. Thankfully we have about 5 boys names all both possibilities and 1 girls names that we liked as a combo. You might be surprised what names you both like and then at least you both feel involved.

hazel88 Sun 01-Feb-15 09:04:15

Tricky one...

I made a list of all names that I liked and asked DP to do the same without looking at one another's so hopefully we'd find a compromise. He didn't make a list and instead then preferred to look at mine and pick out ones he liked. We now have a first name decided with his relative's middle name as baby's middle name, and his surname.

I think you definitely have to compromise, and not by 'I'll pick the first name and you can have the surname'. You don't want to resent your partner for the rest of your life for picking a name you hate! Your baby will be equally both of yours and you should have equal input in to deciding the full name. Men can be so indecisive though!

hestialou Sun 01-Feb-15 09:18:21

Hoping we have a girl as we agree on the name, if its boy we are going to have issues as I absolutely have the first and second name he has chosen.

IdaClair Sun 01-Feb-15 09:22:35

It's up to you. The registrar asks you. As I kept telling him. I hadn't decided on my DCs surnames for a long time. As it was my choice, but I also love and respect him, I listened to his input before making up my mind. But it was up to me, not him.

Happilymarried155 Sun 01-Feb-15 09:34:49

Have you tried a website called namedtogether? It brings up the top 500 names in 2 columns and you go down, tick all the ones you like, it then hides your answers and you DH can do the same. At the end it brings up all your matches.

I know I've picked some names that I love and have had to cross them off the list as DH didn't like them. Would be a shame for it not too be a joint decision it's his son just as much as yours and hopefully over the next months you can find one you both equally love!

FoxHugs Sun 01-Feb-15 10:22:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucked Sun 01-Feb-15 10:26:49

We compromised. Neither of us got our first choice name.

Bowlersarm Sun 01-Feb-15 10:29:13

FoxHugs that's rubbish, why should the woman get to decide just because she carries the baby? It's hardly as though the man has a choice in the matter.


It's the only fair way.

hazel88 Sun 01-Feb-15 11:00:53

Bowlersarm I agree, it's incredibly selfish for the final decision to be that of the Mother's. The Father doesn't have any choice in not carrying the child, and I think as it is, alot of Fathers feel a little excluded during pregnancy. I think you just need to keep going until you find a name which you both like, even if it does take ages it's only fair. Neither myself nor DP got our first, second or even third choice names, we just kept going through loads until we both agreed. Our final name isn't one I would have necessarily considered previously, but since we've decided I've come to love it and we love being able to refer to her by name.

I think you should just keep battling it out until you do agree, however long it takes.

JennyBlueWren Sun 01-Feb-15 11:03:04

I can't settle your difficulty but will tell you how we've chosen boy and girl names.
I had always thought it would be good to have DH's gran's name as he's so close to her and she's very old so won't be about much longer and I know she'd be so flattered. When I suggested this it turned out that DH who'd never shown much interest in children had ALWAYS had a girl's name in mind! It's a nice enough name which I don't object to so we'll go with that with his gran's name as a middle.

Neither of us had a strong feeling on boys' names (other than what we really didn't like) so at about 25 weeks I went through a list of top 500 boys names in Scotland and chopped out all the ones I didn't like then read him the narrowed list and chopped out all the ones he didn't like. We were left with about 10 which we were both quite happy with and a week later he said there was one he particularly thought would sound good with surname so we've chosen that. As he's from the Highlands we'll use my maiden name as a middle name.

Hope you get it sorted and remember that so long as it's not a name you don't like it shouldn't matter that much.

JennyBlueWren Sun 01-Feb-15 11:04:03

Happilymarried that sounds like a great website -will have to try it next time.

GoooRooo Sun 01-Feb-15 11:07:28

happilymarried we've just tried that website for my current pregnancy. We got one girls name and one boys name - both the names we'd already chosen but aren't that overwhelmed by. Looks like we'll be sticking with them! grin

Guyropes Sun 01-Feb-15 11:11:56

Are there 2 of this exact same thread?

disneymum3 Sun 01-Feb-15 11:33:29

I had this argument with DH (then DP) when pregnant with DS1. Basically I told him that I was the one carrying the baby, I was giving birth to him, so I will be nameing him.

MouseInTheSkirting Sun 01-Feb-15 12:36:13

I had a name I completely loved and my husband didn't. I spent months trying to find a different name but kept coming back to it. In the end I tweaked the name until he liked it. I basically cut the ending off. Eg emily could become Emma. Can you adapt or change the name slightly?

WhyOWhyWouldYou Sun 01-Feb-15 12:57:35

I'm shocked at the number of people who are saying they have carried the baby their choice. Ultimately the man in the relationship didn't get a choice in that.

If you want a man to step up and be a good involved father then pulling the "I carried the baby therefore its my choice" card is going to rather undermine that. Fathers should be involved in all aspects of raising their children and that should be encouraged, not undermined, by basically saying they, their opinions and feelings in relation to their child are invalid compared to yours.

Me and DH just kept saying names out loud until we found ones we both liked and also went with our awkward surname.

FoxHugs Sun 01-Feb-15 13:16:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happilymarried155 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:20:26

I too can't believe the amount of people that are saying "I carried the baby I get to name it"
What an awful attitude to have, you made this baby together and I don't see why dads are any less important than mums!! Your meant to be a team in this baby raising malarkey!!!

morethanpotatoprints Sun 01-Feb-15 13:24:43

All you can do is compromise, find a name you both like.
It doesn't have to be your favourite.
If one of you has a favourite and the other really doesn't like it, then you have to forget it and move on until you both agree.

ChatEnOeuf Sun 01-Feb-15 13:35:59

We each had a list, secretly. Then we compared the names on the list - any in common were allowed on the shortlist, everything else went. I'm the picky one who wanted to meet the baby before naming them, and having given birth to her (in double-quick time!), I had the final say. Either of us could veto at any time (one of my names went as DH's boss had just been replaced with a lady of the same name) smile

Good luck, hope you get one you both like

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