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Announce at Christmas or wait until scan?

(35 Posts)
misseskimo Mon 08-Dec-14 23:57:09

Hi all, I have a dilemma atm that I just can't seem to settle on.

I am currently 9+1 and don't have my 12wk scan booked until 30th December. So far only mine and DH's bosses know about the pregnancy and only one of my sisters out of all our family even knew we were trying.

My dilemma is that we're due to see my family (parents, sisters and their DPs) on Boxing Day where my other sister who I only see twice a year is travelling 100 miles just for the two days over Christmas, and my grandparents who I also only see twice a year live a stone throw from my parents house, so would be a perfect time to tell everyone...
Then DH's family we usually see Christmas Day, but for a few reasons, this year it will probably be 27th we see them. His family we only see maybe twice a year, so again, good time to tell...

The thing is I'm super paranoid about telling anyone before my scan, as I'm worried after 4yrs of trying and being referred to fertility specialists, we've finally managed to conceive and I'm terrified it will jinx it! I will be just under 12wks if we tell on the above dates...

My other concern is that my family are renowned for not being able to keep a secret in anyway. And its not a case of asking them to be quiet until we announce, because from experience I know that my mother in particular will promise not to tell, then just say to people "oh but don't say anything, cause we're not supposed to tell anyone" she did it with our surprise engagement, and also with my sister's engagement too, so I have no doubt this news will spread like wildfire as soon as we leave...

If we don't say anything till after the scan, it may be we have to tell people over the phone instead as we won't get a chance to see them again for a long time.

The other thing I should mention is that due to illness I've already had scans at 6 and 8wks, both of which have come back good size sac/fetus and hb...

My mw thinks I'm being silly not telling anyone at this stage, and jokingly said its a very "first time parent" concern. My DH agrees and wants to tell everyone at Christmas, but understands my concerns. Do you think I'm being overly cautious, or should I wait? I've handmade some cards announcing the pregnancy for our family, and really wanted to be able to give them over and see their reactions when they open them rather than post. So can only do that if we announce "early" before scan confused I'm so confused!

justabigdisco Mon 08-Dec-14 23:59:19

Just tell them!

Orangeisthenewbanana Tue 09-Dec-14 00:03:23

I think as you'll be over 11 weeks at Christmas, there's probably not much difference in those extra few days if it means telling people important to you in person. You have to do what feels right to you however. Also, maybe take your mum to one side after and stress to her that you REALLY don't want anyone else to know until everything has come back clear. If you've spelled it out to her like that would she still rush off and tell everyone?

Congratulations btw! flowers

DramaAlpaca Tue 09-Dec-14 00:05:13

I understand your concerns, but on balance think you should go for it & share the news with your family. I'm getting from your post that you really want to tell them.

It's the only opportunity to tell everyone together, they'll all be so pleased for you and it'll make for a wonderful, memorable Christmas.

The fact that you've had two very positive scans already is a really good sign.

And think about it - it's only a couple of days before you get to 12 weeks.

Congratulations, by the way! flowers

honeysucklejasmine Tue 09-Dec-14 00:05:15

I don't mean to be upsetting but a pregnancy can go wrong at any point. There's no need to wait for 12 weeks as some sort of cut off for telling people. (I believe it is when it is tradtionally considered "safe") Especially as you are two scans in already. I think it sounds lovely to be able to share your news with your family in person.

Go for it! smile

japaneseplum Tue 09-Dec-14 00:09:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meirasa Tue 09-Dec-14 06:38:52

I would tell them...

If I was really worried I would pay for a reassurance/ dating scan and then I would have pictures to show as well as being sure that all was ok xx

icklekid Tue 09-Dec-14 06:43:21

We were in similar position last year scan 29th dec- we told family but asked them to wait before sharing. Think they were surprised we hadn't told earlier but was hard enough for mil to wait the week before sharing!

TinyCaterpillar Tue 09-Dec-14 06:45:04

I think you should tell them smile

The chance of miscarriage once you've seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks is around 2%, ie very low! It's 1% after 12 weeks so not much difference really. As honey says that chance is sadly still there all the way through the pregnancy but you're definitely through the worst risk now.

thesmallbear Tue 09-Dec-14 06:47:18

I would tell them. If you got a heartbeat at eight weeks the chance of the pregnancy continuing is 98%, which is pretty damn good odds.

You won't jinx it by telling them. If something sadly does go wrong it'll happen whether you've told them or not, and in that situation you'll need your family for support anyway.


Iggi999 Tue 09-Dec-14 06:47:34

Agree with pp just pay for a private scan before Christmas (not on Christmas Eve though) - it's not the dates that are the issue re telling before 12 weeks, it's not having an up-to-date confirmation that all is well so far. Otoh, even if things go wrong (and you've said nothing to make me think that they are likely to!) you will have had a lovely happy family moment together telling them all, and then they can support you through anything.

FairyPenguin Tue 09-Dec-14 06:54:38

I would tell them. Sounds like the perfect time to do so. If you can do it, get a private scan done so you can be reassured. And have some photos to show!

Andcake Tue 09-Dec-14 06:57:21

Second getting a scan as close to Xmas as possible. Understand the jinxing thing - I has 3 years of trying and 2 mc became absolutely paranoid. But knowing all is well at 8 weeks is v good. Things going wrong at 8 weeks feels v common to me - it's when embryo changes to a fetas - slit of mmc seem to be things going wrong then so over that point is great.
Congratulations smile

Luciferbox Tue 09-Dec-14 07:00:35

I'm in the same boat, I will only be 9 weeks but it's the only time we will see everyone as we live on the other side of the country. They will be asked to keep it to themselves until I've had my 12 week scan. Last time I didn't tell family until I had my scan at 13 weeks but I don't want to tell them on the phone when I'd visited them only a few weeks before. I'm worried something could still happen but I would want their support if it did.

wonkylegs Tue 09-Dec-14 07:17:53

As you've had 2 good scans already I would just tell them. It's nice to be able to do it in person. The chances are good at this point and you had positive confirmation already & you are practically at that point anyway. 12 wks is because this is usually the 1st time people get to see if it's ok with a scan & the chances of a problem drop drastically.
We were waiting to tell everybody at Christmas but had an early scan with bad news, confirmed at a 3rd scan the other week. I was supposed to be 15wks this week but now waiting to miscarry. My point is that we knew there was a problem at the early scans, so far everything for you has been positive and fingers crossed it'll stay that way a few days is unlikely to make a difference.
Yes something could go wrong, you could wait but I've found out I still ended up having to tell people as I now look pregnant and need to explain before I get unwelcome congratulations.
Christmas is a good time to tell people & it's nice to see their faces. Good luck & best wishes.

TallulahTwinkletoes Tue 09-Dec-14 07:21:20

Could you afford a private scan?

If have one and be comfortable saying things were ok and be able to show them a picture. I believe they are 60-80 quid. A great Christmas present for everyone.

Congratulations thanks

wonkylegs Tue 09-Dec-14 07:21:27

Re-read that and realised it wasn't clear but my early scan was at 8wks.

dingit Tue 09-Dec-14 07:24:01

I decided to tell, but only because they would have guessed anyway, when I didn't neck booze blush

ilovelamp82 Tue 09-Dec-14 07:34:19

It will be lovely for you to see their faces when you tell them so I would. Also they'll probably twig when you're not drinking anyway.

ilovelamp82 Tue 09-Dec-14 07:34:49

Oops! Cross post. Congratulations!

Plateofcrumbs Tue 09-Dec-14 08:25:04

I would tell - it's a lovely opportunity to share your news. And congratulations, after such a long wait!

The main reason people wait until
12 weeks is because that's when most people have their first scan, rather than because there is a magical threshold at that point. If all looked well at 8 weeks then you have very good odds indeed.

We were in a similar position last year and had a private reassurance scan at 9 weeks so we could share the news with family at Christmas. This Christmas he will be 5 months old!

LittleRedRidingHoodie Tue 09-Dec-14 09:05:48

I'd pay for a private scan right before Christmas and get a few photos from it too. That way you can announce with some confidence and have photos to show for it too. You should be able to get a scan for about £50-60 depending on where you live. Make it a Christmas present to yourselves.

Misty414 Tue 09-Dec-14 10:37:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Librarina Tue 09-Dec-14 10:59:50

I am in exactly the same boat, with the added complication of I don't know how pregnant I am!! We are paying for private scan just before Christmas so we can tell people and not have to say 'I don't know' when they ask when baby is due!!

Iggi999 Tue 09-Dec-14 13:23:39

Wonky, sorry for your loss sad

I know the chances for the OP of something going wrong are very small, but in all honesty don't do the scan right before Christmas or before travelling away from home. If there is bad news you want some time to process it before meeting relatives.
I have been in receipt of both good and bad news from scans around Christmas time, I do know what it can be like.

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