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Rubbish at being pregnant

(29 Posts)
MrsWedgeAntilles Tue 28-Oct-14 17:41:09

After trying for just under a year I fell pregnant. DH and I thought we wouldn't be able to conceive again so were absolutely delighted.

However, since then I've just felt miserable. I was so sad when I thought we couldn't have any more babies and I'm completely aware of how lucky I am, both to have DS and to have this chance at an other child but I just feel so sad and worried. Most of this worry is down to my concern that the age gap between this baby and DS is just too big and they're both going to lose out as a result. This feels especially raw as we'd discussed giving up trying to conceive and were looking at the benefits of keeping our family as it was.

So as not to drip feed I had a pretty difficult pregnancy and traumatic birth with DS and although this pregnancy has been a whole lot easier I've had morning sickness and other recurrent niggly complaints.

Not to be misunderstood, I really do want this baby, I just don't understand why I feel so sad.

katiegee Tue 28-Oct-14 18:14:22

I think we're allowed to feel confused and sad when we're pregnant and have no idea why... I blame the hormones! And we're most definitely allowed to moan about the crappy symptoms and side effects of pregnancy. I am pregnant with our much wanted first child. We have been so delighted since finding out I was pregnant, but that doesn't mean i haven't had a moan about feeling sick, being so utterly exhausted and piles... the latest delight!

I think it's like how we can have a moan about our jobs whilst appreciating that we have a job and knowing there are many people who would love to have our jobs... or how we can complain that there is nothing to eat in the house whilst knowing we are more fortunate than many, many people in the world. does that make sense?

You mention the age gap between your children being a bit of a concern... I just want to add that there are 8 years between me and my oldest brother and we are so incredibly close, always have been smile

WorryWurta Tue 28-Oct-14 18:21:18

Just wanted to reassure you you're not alone - I feel completely the same. Similarly DH and I didn't think we could have any children, tried for three years, two of them back to back failed fertility treatments, then a surprise natural pregnancy. I thought I'd be doing back flips as physically everything's great but I'm so anxious all the time (with me it's germs but I think we all fix our anxiety to something, like the age gap) I just want to have the baby yesterday, it feels wrong to be happy when there's so much to worry about. Like you I think of all the women who aren't as lucky as me and feel dreadful, but not any better! I haven't figured it out yet but I would say go easy on yourself, don't compare it to your previous pregnancy or anyone elses. Consider asking to be referred for counselling too, it's a hard feeling to get anyone to understand and having a non-judgemental ear can be really great!

Gennz Tue 28-Oct-14 19:12:57

I loathe being pregnant! Anyone who enjoys it is a freak! I haven't had fertility problems but I don't think there's any shame in viewing pregnancy as a means to an end, e.g. at best a revolting and uncomfortable process that you have to go through to have a child.

MrsWedgeAntilles Tue 28-Oct-14 19:13:59

Thank you so much, both of you. It's really hard to talk about this in real life, it's just assumed that if it was planned you'll be happy. Luckily my midwifery team are a lot better this time round and as soon as I discussed my fears and the hang over from the last pregnancy (which I suspect has left a deeper impact on me than I realised) I was referred to further support but sadly anything remotely metal health orientated always takes ages to come through. In the meantime it's just a lot better to know it's not just me.

ThisBitchIsResting Tue 28-Oct-14 21:45:13

You are definitely not alone! I'm 8wks pregnant, already have a DD and miscarried earlier this year. I hate being pregnant soooo much but can't really complain too much in real life. I am so ill and exhausted, I am struggling to look after DD and have been so grumpy with DH, housework is non existent and I think he doesn't understand why I'm not happy. The hormones are awful, they just take over, I feel like my body's not my own any more. Plus I always put on loads of weight when pregnant and am vain blush so hate that aspect of it too. And newborns are so difficult! God this feels good to be able to rant on here. I am really glad to be pregnant, like you we thought it might not happen but it's hard to feel happy when you feel like shite. X

RiverRocks Wed 29-Oct-14 12:03:42

I'm another one who's rubbish at being pregnant.

My much-wanted first pregnancy ended in a mmc earlier this year, and I am now 18+6. I am nauseous, exhausted, have trouble sleeping, no appetite, acid indigestion, migraine headaches and am up twice a night to go to the loo. I can't get comfortable and my back hurts, and I already can't bend over to shave my legs.

We happened to see an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians whilst we were away on holiday last month. No matter how bad I feel, DH always assures me I am not as bad as Kim thlgrin It's become my mantra.

Pregnancy is a means to an end as far as I'm concerned. thlenvy of these women who get to the second trimester and 'forget' they're even pregnant. I'm grateful every day, but there would have to be some sort of miracle for me to start enjoying it.

MrsExtraOrdinary Wed 29-Oct-14 12:29:52

I'm rubbish too. I absolutely hate it and feel likes its invasion of the body snatchers. I have gone this 5 times before so I recognise this is my hormones running riot. But honestly each day I struggle. I'm only 8 weeks. I keep thinking just 32 weeks to go and then I will never do this to myself ever again.

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 29-Oct-14 18:30:12

I'm 8 weeks and quite frankly have no intention of ever doing this again. One child will be fine.

MrsWedgeAntilles Wed 29-Oct-14 20:31:07

I love each and every one of you. I feel so much better after reading this thread. It just feels like such an ordeal. I'm so jealous that DH gets our lovely children without having to go through this nonsense.

ToriB34 Wed 29-Oct-14 20:35:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upyourninja Wed 29-Oct-14 20:37:46

I salute your username Wedge grin

I also hate, hate being pregnant. I had a couple of conditions with DC1 which didn't make it fun. About to start trying for DC2 and am simultaneously terrified that it is going to take a long time and terrified of being pg again.

Just try to keep your eyes on the prize!

blacktreaclecat Wed 29-Oct-14 20:38:20

I had DS after 3 years ttc and ivf and still hated being pregnant, it was horrific. He is wonderful but will be an only child- never again! No need to feel guilty

Lottiedoubtie Wed 29-Oct-14 20:39:51

I hated every single sicky second of it too.

Bollocks to pregnancy not being an illness, it messed up my physical and emotional health and ended with major surgery. that's a bloody illness.

Doesn't mean I don't love DS though grin

Badvoc123 Wed 29-Oct-14 20:45:53

Me too and I did it twice! smile
I didn't have a decent week in either pg.
Nothing major...just the usual...and lots of little issues and infections and spd and anaemia.
Was awful. Just awful.
Never again.
Giving birth was easy by comparison tbh smile

LittlePink Wed 29-Oct-14 20:57:31

DH made me laugh at the weekend, he said "im fed up with all the women in this house and their emotions. Whens the boy coming?" Got a tantruming, very emotional 2 yr old DD and me with all my pregnancy moans and think he'd had enough of me complaining and her crying! Im useless when I don't feel tip top and have to offload it on to him on a regular basis! Im having a fairly easy pregnancy aswell. Much easier than DDs but I still have raging heartburn, sore hips and not sleeping well. Just the normal pregnancy gripes towards the end. I just want my body back now though where I can breathe easily and sit in a position for more than 2 minutes without my back hurting or feeling out of breath.

Guntons Wed 29-Oct-14 22:50:01

Ah, I've found my sisterhood at last wink
MrsWedge & others our stories are very similar. I thoroughly detest being pregnant. I have a 4 y.o DS, was TTC for 2 yrs, fell pregnant, had MMC last year, I'm now 19 + 5 and spend everyday tired to the point of exhaustion, forgetting the most obvious thing, hate my growing bump & changing shape (not helped by my own mother telling me today that I'd suddenly got really fat!), suffering lingering headaches & general all round discomfort. And I can't even drink wine to forget! angry
It's impossible to enjoy it, I'm worried/paranoid everyday about MC, still birth & all the other scary but completely possible things that can happen between now & March. I'm worried how my DS will react to having a sibling. I also have 3 close friends due in April who i am avoiding like the plague in case they are happy, glowing, loving every second blah blah blah!
I wasn't good at being pregnant before, but now I'll admit I am completely rubbish!

Stay strong sisters, we are united in our moaning antenatal incompetence!!

Gennz Thu 30-Oct-14 08:48:32

I have just bought a case of rose (wine) ready to quaff to celebrate the imminent end of pregnancy. (It's nearly summer here). T - 25 days!!!! Eyes on the prize everyone, it's not forever! (thank christ!!)

RiverRocks Thu 30-Oct-14 10:16:12

We got married in the summer (honeymoon baby) and there are 9 bottles of champagne sat waiting to be enjoyed. I plan to breastfeed as well. They're going to be a lovely vintage by the time I can take advantage of them! DH is banned from even looking at them without me grin

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 30-Oct-14 13:19:48

River I narrowly avoided that by having my IUD removed only after we had returned from honeymoon wink

Eternally grateful we didn't throw caution to the wind and start ttc in July. Given that we started ttc and conceived in September I'd have been pregnant and feeling dreadful throughout my August wedding and honeymoon.

foxyfemke Thu 30-Oct-14 15:02:41

I know the feeling. I'm pregnant after 18 months TTC-ing and with what my gynae calls a medical miracle. I am over the moon we'll have a baby, but almost 16 weeks in I'm feeling awful and sleeping for more than 12 hours a day and still I am exhausted.

MrsExtraOrdinary Fri 31-Oct-14 10:25:46

I'm feeling very sorry for myself today. I feel completely paralysed.

ClaireFraser Fri 31-Oct-14 21:24:26

I know the feeling. I'm 7weeks with a much wanted first pregnancy and feeling nauseous and bloated and tired all the time.

We go on honeymoon to New Zeand next week for five weeks (got married earlier this summer) and despite having. Been planning/looking forward to this holiday for the last 3 years and I'm keeping my fingers well and truly crossed that the nausea doesn't develop into actual vomiting.

I'm dreading the thought of the 33hrflight over there though, I suffer from motion sickness at the best of times and get horrendous back ache when flying. I think I'm going to be a sobbing, snivelling, sicky mess by the time we arrive.

I was so convinced it was going to take us much longer to conceive, that I hadn't even considered the fact I might be pregnant whilst away and all the gripes that come with it!

ToriB34 Fri 31-Oct-14 21:28:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gennz Sat 01-Nov-14 08:50:29

Oh Claire I'm in NZ, the weather here was lovely & summery today. Much nicer to feel disgusting on a lovely sunny beach than in the cold & dark! The flight is grim though, if you happen to be stopping in Singapore I recommend getting a pass to the pool at Changi airport.

I'm 36 weeks tomorrow and had a massive vom today. I can't believe I'm still sick this far along! On the plus side I finished work on Friday and am not a lady of leisure. For a short time at least.

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