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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Is pg or newborn phase harder with toddler?

31 replies

Haahoooo · 25/02/2014 14:12

Just clutching at straws looking for reassurance here!

Do you think the last stages of pg while looking after a toddler (18 months) are harder than looking after a newborn and a toddler?

I'm so tired I keep wishing thinking that surely things will be easier when I'm no longer pg?!

OP posts:

Report

Timpani · 25/02/2014 14:13

Yes!! I found the last weeks awful.

Newborns sleep a lot and you can put them down ;)

sewingandcakes · 25/02/2014 14:15

From what I remember, both were hard! Sorry, it's not what you need to hear, is it? I slept while pregnant when my toddler did, but when I had a newborn there was less chance of that.

Rest now when you can, and get out as much as possible when you have two (parks, play groups etc).

nobutreally · 25/02/2014 14:16

I found being pg with a toddler MUCH harder - newborn was a piece of cake in comparison. Although that might be because I'd lowered my standards spectacularly by then

TarkaTheOtter · 25/02/2014 14:19

"Newborns sleep a lot and you can put them down"

Umm do you hear that dc2?!?

It really depends on your pregnancy/baby. My newborn is now 8 weeks and hasn't slept longer than 3hrs ever. Mostly it is 1/1.5hr stretches still... And that's sleeping on me. So for me this is much harder than being pregnant

TarkaTheOtter · 25/02/2014 14:20

My toddler finds it harder too and is behaving accordingly.

Hufflemother1 · 25/02/2014 14:22

I was soooo tired when preggo and worried how I'd cope with a toddler and a newborn. DD2 is now 14wks and DD1 turned 2 last week and it isn't as bad as I feared. My house is a constant mess but both of the girls are happy. Just allow a lot of time to get out of the house! You'll be fine

sewingandcakes · 25/02/2014 14:22

I agree that it depends upon the baby. The toddler also has to contend with another person's needs coming before their own which is difficult.

sewingandcakes · 25/02/2014 14:23

All worth it though, my 1st 2 were 21 months apart and are very close now.

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/02/2014 14:24

Yes the last bit of pregnancy is harder with that age gap.

Especially when dd1cends up sitting on your sciatic nerve and you can only crawl.....

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/02/2014 14:26

Timpani.

What good babies you must have had!

enormouse · 25/02/2014 14:27

Pregnancy with a toddler much harder than toddler and a newborn, imo.

I had a trapped nerve in my leg in my last few weeks of pg so to the toddler I was essentially useless. Couldn't pick him up, take him out or do anything fun.

Ds 2 is a very different baby to ds1 and I can put him down for short periods of time and do things with DS1 and I have the inclination to do fun things with him at last.

ithoughtofitfirst · 25/02/2014 14:27

LOL nobutreally so true about standards

Am finding pg with a toddler a pretty miserable. But am imagining it will be even harder with a newborn. I just had a 2 hour nap while ds was down for his. Lush. Still feel like crap though tbf.

beginnings · 25/02/2014 14:31

Physically it's much easier once the baby's out (so long as you've had a good birth I suppose). I remember jumping up off the floor to catch DD1 who was 16 mos when DD2 was a few days old and realising I could move faster than I'd been able to the previous week!

Now that DD2 is 5 months and very demanding it's harder. Good thing the universe gave me the self sufficient personality first or I mightn't have had the second.

Not sure if that helps or hinders. Good luck!

Wuxiapian · 25/02/2014 14:32

I have a 13 month old and gave birth 11 days ago.

I felt awful the last trimester. Having a newborn is so much easier even though I have 13 month old running me ragged and being pregnant!

cuggles · 25/02/2014 14:45

I had an 18 month gap between mine and the pregnancy bit waa much harder than the newborn!

Haahoooo · 25/02/2014 14:54

Moderately reassuring... Although of course much will depend on DC2! If I go by level of kicks and punches he's engaging in at the moment I'm in for a challenge
Thank you all

OP posts:

Namethischildplease · 25/02/2014 15:00

I found late pregnancy much, much harder. As did a number of friends I have talked to about it.

DD2 was not a sleeper or easy, but even up every two hours at night I was getting better quality of sleep and was miles more rested with a newborn. Plus I could physically chase the toddler without risking a heart attack or bladder melt down!

Timpani · 25/02/2014 15:16

Good babies? I don't really believe in 'good' babies - doesn't that inherently suggest that some babies are 'bad'?

It was just my view: I found the last weeks awful. Toddler would tantrum/run off when I was changing his nappy and I couldn't physically move or chase after him and I had horrendous heart burn. Quite often I'd end up in tears with how hard it was.

Now baby is here I don't have those problems. I can put the baby down while I chase after the toddler and I can get on the floor to change his nappies where before it was difficult.

The baby does need feeding every hour or two but in between that I can manage to play with DS or whatever for ten mins. I don't think this means I have a 'good' baby necessarily! She definitely has her moments and cluster feeds most mornings and evenings but I still find that easier than pregnancy with a toddler. I can always pass the baby to DH for a bit in the evenings too and you can't do that when preg ;)

Timpani · 25/02/2014 15:17

What namethis said!

Inglori0us · 25/02/2014 15:35

I'm really struggling with my 23mo at the moment. I can't wait for the physical relief of getting this baby out!
When dd was 2 days old I walked 25 mins uphill to the clinic to see a midwife.
I do feel sorry for dd though as she's not getting out as much and I can't run after her around the playground. I feel our time alone together is coming to an abrupt end really soon and it's going to be a big shock for her.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 25/02/2014 15:49

I've got a bigger age gap - 32 weeks tomorrow and havea 3yo who will be near to 3.5 when baby is born. I hope I am not deluding myself by thinking that a newborn plus toddler cannot be harder than this! Between the bump, restless legs and the cough/cold I cannot shift, I can't get comfortable anywhere so my sleep is shot anyway. I am constantly exhausted and can't get up the stairs without getting out of breath. Taking the toddler to the playground is a shattering experience, huffing and puffing up the hill and then lumbering after him trying to keep up - it's horrendous! I had 23 weeks of severe sickness as well so he has got totally used to Mummy being useless and pathetic - today he came up to me when I was slumped on the sofa and wrapped his blanket around me like I do for him when he's poorly.

I know newborns are draining but I am clinging to the hope that nothing is as hard as this!

thereisnoeleventeen · 25/02/2014 15:57

I've found the toddler and a newborn bit easier each time, once the baby is out you can have as much coffee as you like (...and wine!!!) and you can carry out tasks that are below waist height again. I found it hard being very pg at this time of year, all that bending down to do up coats and put on shoes.

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Pidgy · 25/02/2014 16:06

Both are hard!!
Pregnant with a toddler because you can't sleep properly, can't lift them and your body is just generally knackered and 'not your own'.

With a newborn and toddler because you don't really get any 'you' time unless you can time their naps together, you're tired because the newborn needs feeding a lot at night, the toddler is on the go all the time and you need 2 pairs of hands. I don't think it helps that I have a Velcro baby this time whereas DS (my first) was a bit of a Lone Ranger.
I do love having my body back and being able to sleep on my back again. :-)

cosmicnibble · 25/02/2014 16:09

God I hope it is a bit easier once the baby's out!

39 weeks tomorrow with a just turned 2yo... Walking is painful, the baby seems like it's about to fall out.

Also feel sorry for my toddler for my lack of enthusiasm of late and like pp said the end of our time alone together.
But hope that as newborns don't do much at first the transition will be gentle.

Maybe just deluding myself but at least it won't feel like I have a bowling ball between my legs anymore. Though I am dreading the post childbirth recovery bit...

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/02/2014 16:55

As I wrote that I realised how it'd come out Timpani, but I was in a rush! -yes, bad wording but you know what I mean (ie neither of my babies were the sort I could just put down and they'd sleep a lot-dd1 had colic for the first nearly 5 months and dd2 was very sick on a regular basis, all day till she could stand).

But even after a c section, and with dd2 being so sicky, it was still easier once she was out!

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