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Pregnancy

DP not coming to first scan - am I stupid for being upset?

30 replies

buttercup123 · 03/09/2010 09:00

So DP told me last night that he can't come to the first scan, as he has a work meeting that he can't get out of.

We haven't told anyone yet, because we wanted to wait for the scan before going public - so I can't get anyone else to go with me. Am I stupid for being upset about this? Or is it quite normal for people to go to the first scan solo?

I know that (in the grand scheme of things) this REALLY isn't a big issue. But I guess I'm just struggling with not being able to talk to anyone about any of this, and want someone to tell me to buck up my ideas and stop being silly...

OP posts:

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expatinscotland · 03/09/2010 09:01

I went on my own as DH had to work. That's how it is. He has to make a living.

Where are you? A MNer might be able to come along!

sheeplikessleep · 03/09/2010 09:01

What a shame. Can you rearrange the scan appointment? It might be worth ringing up?

MeganMog · 03/09/2010 09:06

It's obviously nicer to have your DP with you for the first scan, but it isn't uncommon for people not to be able to attend, so I don't think anyone would look at you strangely for going alone.

However it might be worth finding someone else to accompany you - it's lovely to share the excitement of seeing the baby for the first time. Also of course, some scans do reveal problems - so some moral support in that eventuality would help. Is there a friend or relative you could tell without telling everyone else?

buttercup123 · 03/09/2010 09:17

Yeah I figured it would probably be normal for a DP not coming - I think I just wanted someone to tell me that it is normal!

There isn't anyone else who can come, really. All my family live overseas. There is one friend, but she has a 1 year old so don't think it would be fair for me to ask her. She wouldn't be able to bring the 1 year old, and I can't see how she would find somewhere to leave her for the time.

It'll be fine. I'm just feeling sorry for myself!

OP posts:

Violet5 · 03/09/2010 09:52

Hi, i rang and re arranged my scan as my husband was working away when i was due to have it and he wanted to come. Hospital didn't mind at all and were quite understanding. If you still feel a bit down about him missing it i'd give them a ring

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2010 09:56

Obviously if he can't come then he can't come, but you are definitely not stupid for being upset.

It will be fine though, and you get pictures, so you will be able to coo over them together :)

Yes where do you live? If you are near to me then I'll come with you for moral support :)

sanielle · 03/09/2010 09:58

Ring,and rearrange it. He might not think its a big deal but it really is! Mine got really emotional and we were both crying :)

Would have been rubbish to have gone on my own. He'll see once he's there. Is this the 12 week scan? You'll probablky find there is a lot more going on than you expect too! We found it really funny watching the baby move around.. was so real on screen.

buttercup123 · 03/09/2010 10:06

I guess I could try and re-arrange the scan - it's just I have been such a wreck, waiting for this to happen. And we want to tell his kids this weekend - which I didn't want to do until I had the results of the scan. (His son is about to go off to uni, so we have a small window of time to tell them together, and wanted to do it over a weekend so we have time to reassure them about everything.)

I guess I just have to weigh up which is more important to me. Scan now by myself, or scan later with him. Argh, hard.

Alibabaa - thank you so much, that is so sweet! But I think I should be okay to go solo, if I decide to go ahead with it today.

Thanks for the messages everyone - I guess I just needed to feel some support. Hmmmm, hormones rampaging perhaps?!

OP posts:

sanielle · 03/09/2010 10:12

Its a horrible thought but if the scan doesn't go the way you want it to, you have to decide if you would be ok on your own too?

PlumBumMum · 03/09/2010 10:16

I would even see if you could get a later time, or make sure your dh rings you after meeting you might not have had your scan yet, hospital appointments never run on time

I went to many hospital appointments on my own but not the scan appointments, but if this your first scan you might feel abit emotional, so I would check to see if your friend can get her wee one minded, I would be previledged to be asked to go to someones scan.

as a side in our hospital there are seats specifically for the first scans, so you would be sitting amongst couples iyswim

buttercup123 · 03/09/2010 10:45

Thanks for all the advice. I've called my friend and she's going to come along with me. It was funny PlumBumMum, she said exactly what you said - that she'd be honoured to come!

I'm so glad she's coming along - thank goodness for advice from you all, otherwise I would have plodded along (miserably) by myself...

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2010 10:51

Oh I am pleased - I was going to be worrying about you otherwise! [mother hen emoticon]

Please report back later :)

PlumBumMum · 03/09/2010 11:47

Oh thats great, good luck and will be waiting with Ali for an update

japhrimel · 03/09/2010 11:51

Sounds good. I wouldn't go alone, just in case things don't go great.

Fredfred · 03/09/2010 11:57

I went on my own to a scan for my DD and more recently to a scan for my DC as my DH was working abroad both times. I took my friend with me which was fine. Obviously it would've been nicer if DH could've been there, but work is work :(

I did try to re-arrange both the appointments, but both times the hospital could only reschedule 3-4 weeks later so would have missed the nuchal time slot for DD and the abnormalities scan timings for DC. Still, my friend was very supportive. I'm sure you will be fine. Good luck. :) x

Loopymumsy · 03/09/2010 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whirleywoo72 · 03/09/2010 12:31

i feel for you xx im 37wks and due to drop and my dh has taken a contract in london so not seen him for over a week and wont see him this week, maybe nxt weekend, im getting induced on the 13th sept, i had ti have regular scans for complications, and hes missed the last 2 scans and i gone on my own xx i am upset and scared, im scared he wont be there in time and miss it xx its my 4th and im on my own xx

ecuse · 03/09/2010 12:38

A related question - I'm awaiting a 'booking in' appointment with the midwife (should get something through the post soon). Is that when the scan happens, or do I get a separate date for that? Only I wondered whether I should bring my boyfriend along or not? I've heard it can quite a long session of prodding, blood testing, questions about medical history etc. I can't see that he needs to be there for any of that - in fact, I def don't want him there if we're discussing my weight ;) On the other hand if it's the scan as well then I def do want him there.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2010 12:46

ecuse - no that won't be your scan. After you've seen your midwife she will refer you and then you'll hear directly from the hospital, or that's how it works here. If you ask her she will explain everything about how it works in your area.
The only thing that your DP needs to do is find out if there are any hereditary diseases in his family, or history of things like diabetes, cystic fibrosis, heart problems etc. The rest is just you. Yes she will take blood but I've never been prodded at a booking in (done it twice now).
I'm overweight and my midwife wasn't bothered, she said 'oh there's plenty of time to worry about that once you've had the baby'. Which is a relief, I was expecting a bit of a bollocking

japhrimel · 03/09/2010 13:01

My midwife noted that my BMI was overweight but said they only get concerned if your pre-pregnancy BMi is 35 or more.

I'd take your OH to the booking in TBH as they do ask a lot of questions about family medical history.

And as the PP said, scan is seperate.

SlummyMummyAndProud · 03/09/2010 13:24

ecuse it will depend on where you are.

I had my scan at bookin in appointment. Seems par for the course here.

If you are unsure, call your midwife or the hospital for guidance.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/09/2010 13:34

Slummy do they book you in at the hospital then?

Ours is all done at the GP surgery and then referrals made.

ecuse - if there is going to be a scan at the booking in then I'm sure they will tell you, so you can decide then whether your DP needs to be there.

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nunnie · 03/09/2010 13:35

Here I got two appointments, one for booking in and one for scan appointments were different dates but arranged at the same time so were on the same letter. Think it depends where you are.

ecuse · 03/09/2010 13:50

Thanks everyone. I'm at that impatient stage where I just want everything to happen QUICKER. I don't really feel very pregnant at the moment, but I'm really excited and I just want something tangible ...

SlummyMummyAndProud · 03/09/2010 15:25

Ali All ante-natal care where I am (glasgow) is carried out by the community midwife team at local clinics.

Normally, the only time you would attend the hospital would be for the 20wk growth scan and to give birth

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