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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

I've just had social services round!

47 replies

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 17:46

I'm still shaking. DD yesterday had PE at school, and her teacher noticed some marks on her neck. I have no idea how they got there, she never told me. dd told her teacher my dp did it by throttling her.
dp would never do a thing like that. dd often makes up stories like this, yesterday she said her brother hurt her stomach. I never saw it and it turns out she had a bug and started throwing up last night.
I'm not so annoyed at SS, they were very nice and they have a duty to investigate. I am pissed off with dd's teacher though. I now have to take dd to school tomorrow to a teacher who thinks I or my partner are abusive!! She has always been so friendly and chatty before, and is very experienced. I can't believe that she believed dd, and not what I told her. I really don't now what I am going to do tomorrow

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starlover · 28/06/2005 17:48

oh no kelly! are you ok?
my aunt had a very similar thing happen to her a few years ago, her stepson accused her of beating him. SS turned up at 10pm and marched them all off to hospital to be checked!

i think your daughters teacher was probably just doing her job too though tbh

Twiglett · 28/06/2005 17:48

just as SS have a duty to investigate the teacher has a duty to report it I am sure she will be relieved that there is 'no case to investigate'

she did the right thing and you have to appreciate that difficult though it must be

starlover · 28/06/2005 17:48

i mean, if i was a teacher and a little girl told me that i think i would have to act too...
so sorry you ahd to go through it though

soapbox · 28/06/2005 17:49

Kelly - I know it is hard but try to think of the teacher as just doing her job.

I'm sure they probably don't discuss it with the parents as a matter of policy as some parents may be abusive when confronted.

Most schools have clearly defined policy in this area - she will just have been following the schools rules!

starlover · 28/06/2005 17:49

look at it another way though... at least you know that the teachers care! and that if anything did happen you your dd that appropriate actions would be taken

Nemo1977 · 28/06/2005 17:53

aww sorry about your experience kelly but as others have said the teacher also has a duty of care. She probably cant tell you she has to inform SS as it can make some parents more abusive towards child or even get them prepared with a alternative story iyswim....i now it doesnt help but think of it as she obviously has childrens best interest at heart which is what u want of a teacher.

Pinotmum · 28/06/2005 17:57

I work in a pre-school and everything has to be noted. If a child tells me her parent smacked her I have to note it regardless of whether she/he has marks. Your dd's school should have a policy in place and a designated CPO (Child Protection Officer) I would have thought. If I were you I would speak to the teacher to tell her you understand her position and try to explain how your dd's fact and fiction blend from time to time. My dd told the pharmacist at our chemist that her daddy kicked her so I hate to think what she has on record at school

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 17:58

the teacher spoke to me about it though! I expalined that dd makes up stories soemtimes, and it really wasn't anythign to be worried about. I didn't get confrontational or anything. I jsut don't knwo how I can face her knwoign she thinks i. my partner or both are abusign our children. I feel really upset about it now.

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mears · 28/06/2005 17:58

Sorry you feel like this Kelly but Child Protection is very high on the agenda at the moment. Your DD's teacher has probably recently gone on training as I just have, and any bruising on a child causing concern should be reported. The neck is an unusual place unfortunately. It is not the job of the teacher to investigate - that is the role of SS. Although it has made you very uncomfortable with the teacher, she was only doing her job. Perhaps your DD needs help regarding her made up stories?

jampots · 28/06/2005 18:00

i sympathise with you kelly that it must have been pretty frightening but I agree with what hte teacher did. At least you know if anyone did ever hurt your children and you didnt know about it then others are being vigilent.

A few years ago when dd was just going into year 5 the class had to spend a morning with their new teacher and had to write a piece about themselves. My dd wrote something like" I sometimes get headaches when I get hit over the head" The teacher took her out and questioned her further on it even though she knew me quite well through my involvement with the PTA and helping in school. It transpired she was referring to an incident when her brother hit her on the head and gave her a headache and not us . However I am very grateful that she did what she thought fit!

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 18:01

I agree there, re the stories, I'm really not sure how to deal with it. The only thing I have thought about so far is the story of Peter and the Wolf. I didn't even speak to dd about what she hd told the teacher yesterday, as I didn't want to make too big a deal out of it and risk a repeat for the attention.
The teacher had always been so friendly, esp while I was pg and since I've had the twins. She seemed really supportive before.

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happymerryberries · 28/06/2005 18:03

Hope that you are OK kelly

But I am a teacher and if a child told me this I would have to refer it

My kids can spin a line too, so I know what it is like. But the thing is if a child was being abused the arents would deny it, and would probably say the child was making it all up. It is a sad world, but there awful things do happen and people have to check it all out.

HappyHuggy · 28/06/2005 18:03

I am really really sorry to ask this, please please dont take it the wrong way, are you 100% sure that your daughter is lying?

starlover · 28/06/2005 18:03

how old is dd?

was she around when ss came round?

i think she has to realise that things she says have consequences.
you could tell her that the teacher was cross with mummy because she thought that dd had been hurt... and she doesn't want mummy to get into trouble does she?

HappyHuggy · 28/06/2005 18:06

I dont agree starlover that you should make her think that mommy will be in trouble if she tells her teacher anything, it could make her less likey to tell in the future iykwim (i know im making my point really badly and am so not meaning to argue with anyone)

starlover · 28/06/2005 18:08

but i mean, that the teacher was cross because the story was made up...

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 18:10

I thought about that starlover, but anything I say to dd could be recited back to the teacher and make the situation look even worse.

I can see what people are saying about the teacher, but it jsut seems such an overeaction for a child tellign a tale about a bruise to havign 3 social services people around questioning me for an hour. I just feel like the teacher could have had a little more judgement. Surely a child being abused would show more signs that one bruise on her neck?

HH - I am sure. i knwo my dp, and he never had the oppurtunity. dd hadn't been alone with him when we noticed, and it was actually him that noticed. I'm not goin take it the wrong way neither, as you don't know us, so it is a fair question.

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HappyHuggy · 28/06/2005 18:10

I know what you mean about this time but i was thinking of in the future, if anything were to happen she might not think she can tell (and again am not implying/suggesting anything. really dont mean to upset)

sparklymieow · 28/06/2005 18:11

I had SS round here last year after A&E reported us, when I took DD2 to hospital because she drank Priton, and they spotted the stratch marks that dd1 had done, they didn't believe me and reported us. When the Social worker came here he witnessed Dd1's temper in full throw and said that he was closing the case, know exactly what you mean though......
((hugs))

HappyHuggy · 28/06/2005 18:11

phew - thanks for not taking it the wrong way kelly

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 18:14

Now this is gettign bloody strange - dp was asked by ss to give them a call when he got hoem. They confirmed to him that it was the teacher who reported it and told him that the teacher told them dd said 'my daddy hurts me' Now I am so confused. DD never calls dp daddy, she would think it hilarious. Dp is mummy bf who she wants me to marry, but not daddy. I don't know why the teacher said that.

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sparklymieow · 28/06/2005 18:15

does she see her real daddy??

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 18:17

no, he never bothered when we moved away. Said he was going to his solicitor, and we never heard from him since.

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sparklymieow · 28/06/2005 18:20

sounds like she just made it up then....

Kelly1978 · 28/06/2005 18:24

mm, so anyone got any ideas of how to deal with tales? ss are going to talk to the teacher tomo. I don't think I am taking dd to school tomo. She didn't go today, as she was sick last night.

Thanks for the hugs SM, the first ever virtual hugs I ever got!

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