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Help me decide on whether to have 3rd child...

(28 Posts)
ilikesunshine Fri 30-Oct-09 15:37:43

I'm 41, already have 2 boys aged nearly 5 and nearly 3 who are fantastic, if very hard work, would desperately love a little girl to complete the family (though I realise I may get another boy!). Am I too old for a third? Will I ruin the family dynamic? Most of me thinks I should stick to the status quo as I'm incredibly lucky to have 2 healthy boys, but there's just this niggling feeling that my family's not complete yet. Any experiences or advice?

kitkat9 Fri 30-Oct-09 21:36:27


don't like seeing unanswered posts

I have 3 dc's, youngest is 10m now - boy, girl, boy so I'm very lucky!

don't know about ruining the family dynamic - your family just changes again, iyswim. Is it maybe more that always expected you would have a dd and because you haven't you want to try again? a friend felt the same
(her boys the same ages as yours), got pregnant again....and has just had ds3! smile obviously there are no guarantees, and if you had another ds no doubt you'd love him just as much!

Also it really is very hard work with 3 - mine are 5.8, 2.8 and 10m - it's relentless. But, you know, it's relentless with one dc too. And it is lovely seeing them all together - they're their own wee team.

If you really feel the need for another dc, regardless of sex, then you should just go for it. If you're feeling that way to try to have a girl - well it's a bit of a gamble. do you feel you would resent your third dc if it turned out to be another boy? I'm not suggesting for a moment that you would, btw.

good luck with whatever you decide.

teameric Fri 30-Oct-09 21:41:12

Go for it, I want a third and have the same doubts as you but broodiness is taking over!

Danthe4th Fri 30-Oct-09 21:46:19

Just go for it. You'll love it whatever and how cool to have 3 young children in your 40's. I wish I could have another, I've got 4 am 42 now, had a mc 18 months ago and not really bothering now, i'm back working and time is running out.

cakefaced Fri 30-Oct-09 22:02:11

I'd love a third but DH won't let me sad

But with a third you may need a bus bigger car.

thisisyesterday Fri 30-Oct-09 22:10:33

you certainly aren't too old.
as long as you are fully prepared to have another boy rather than that girl then i say go for it!

i have 3 boys and the elder 2 adore their baby brother, i'm so glad i had him

Lilyloooohhhh Fri 30-Oct-09 22:15:56

I wouldn't change having number 3 she is a dream (boy , girl , girl) we all love her to bits and she is dreadfully spoilt by us all.
Practically we had to get 7 seater car and i gave up work as childcare costs outweighed my wage.
She has been the hardest adaptation i think , maybe because we are getting older ...

But wouldn't be without her , i am savouring every moment as that baby longing has gone i definately know we are complete!

Good luck with your decision..

fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 22:17:59

I have 3 girls and i LOVE it! I wouldn't change it for the world and DD3 is just the most lovely addition to our family and I was devastated when I fell pg with her. Go for it, if you and your DH agree and especially if it is a wanted child, you can't go wrong. Just buy a larger car...

Cadelaide Fri 30-Oct-09 22:21:03

I had a 3rd at 41 when my others were 5 and 7.

He's easy-peasy, a darling, and I now feel like my family is complete. My parents call him "the full stop"

Oh, and it was my easist pregnancy too, I sailed through it feeling fabulous.

So yes, do it, you must. grin

bigsquirtybloodylips Fri 30-Oct-09 22:21:58

im watching this thread smile

Cadelaide Fri 30-Oct-09 22:22:31

Oh, and we kept the car incidentally, a mondeo. If you have 3 seatbelts in the back you're ok.

Cadelaide Fri 30-Oct-09 22:23:56

So, you gonna do it then?

<<drums fingers...>>

fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 22:25:46

Cadelaide, I too sailed through my third pregnancy without even noticing I was pregnant.

teameric Fri 30-Oct-09 22:42:37

this thread has made my mind up at least! I'm definately going for number 3! what about you ilikesunshine? have you decided yet smile

fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 22:47:06

teameric, although DH will sew my vagina up if he heard me say this <whispers> I would quite like a fourth! <SHITTTTT!!!!>

teameric Fri 30-Oct-09 22:49:42


fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 22:50:31

Well he would sew up the cervix, the vagina he would leave well alone!

CristinaTheAstonishing Fri 30-Oct-09 23:00:52

I find 3 very hard, there really isn't enough time for all.

fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 23:11:05

How old are your 3 cristina?

Concordia Fri 30-Oct-09 23:23:49

i'd like a third but DH won't let me sad
and i am too tired / poor / bad at housework
but as i'm 35 perhaps in 6 years i will convince him..... grin
i'd say go for it if you're both in agreement. otherwise you might always regret it.

CristinaTheAstonishing Fri 30-Oct-09 23:29:40

Hi Fanny - mine are 10, 4.5 and 2. Hard work. Neither the 2 nor the 4 year old understand I need and want time with the other one. The 10 y.o. would be happy to be left alone to read or play on his DS/PS. Just finding the time for all...

fannybanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 23:31:48

Ahh, you have similar gaps to me - 5 odd years between number 1 and 2 then a shorter gap between 2 and 3. I have no doubts that my 2 little ones (currently 2.1 and 9 months) will get harder as time goes on. I do try to make time for DD1 though. DD2 and 3 have loads of time with Cbeebies Mummy when DD1 is at school.

ilikesunshine Sun 01-Nov-09 15:48:07

Thanks for all the replies - still can't make up my mind. Have just had horrendous couple of days with DS2 throwing full-on tantrums, so the thought of another is not v appealing at the moment. But I just can't shake the thought of a third... DH may be the deciding factor though, don't think he much fancies it after the lsat 2 days!

JodieO Sun 01-Nov-09 15:57:08

I have 3 and I find it easy really. Dd is 7.9, ds1 was 6 a few days ago and ds2 is 2.10. They are very lively and spirited children to say the least but I love having them all and they are a joy. I'd actually like more. My pregnancies have been AWFUL though and had 5 mc's.

It's easier as they get older imo.

HyacinthsDaughterinlaw Sun 01-Nov-09 15:58:26

If you can't shake the thought of a 3rd it will always be what if. I had the same sentiment as you, happy with 2 but felt there was one missing (dd is 5 and ds1 is 4)

We now have ds2 who is 4 weeks old. The pregnancy and the labour were worse and not helped by the random comments about "its 3rd Baby syndrome - whatever that is? I am 37 it is hard and it feels like going backwards at first but its worth it.

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