Please be kind. I andam miserable and scared that my 7 week old baby is not developing a secure attachment me.
I am having trouble feeding - baby wasn't gaining weight so we added in top ups - now breastfeeding plus pumping and adding in formula because i can't pump enough.. Constantly worrying about her latch and my supply and how we are ever going to be able to drop the top ups. I feel so awful because it's the one thing I should be able to do (see below about me being rubbish at other aspects of parenting) and I can't do it properly. Feeding sessions are stressful for both of us because I am constantly de- latching her to improve the latch and I'm terrified that she associates me and food with stress.
My partner has CFS and other chronic health issues so he doesn't work and is home full time (which is great in some ways, of course) but he really can't do nights as they would genuinely make him really sick and unable to do other stuff (he is currently doing loads of house work plus baby care - see below) so I am getting 2-4 hours sleep a night for the past 7 weeks.. I don't mind doing the nights so much but it means that in the days I am pretty useless and my partner takes over a lot of the playing with baby etc.. I have never been particularly confident around children but I thought I'd be ok with my own but I'm really not.. Her dad is so good and gets smiles and laughs etc but when I try I just don't know what to do.. I'm no good at being silly and when I try I just feel useless because I always get it wrong.
I've been getting so stressed and crying (proper sobbing) almost every day, including in front of the baby which I know is awful. I have noticed how she looks at her dad all the time and not at me.. I've been reading about developing secure attachment and I'm clearly fucking this up massively but I don't know how to make it better.
I don't know why I'm writing this really.. Please don't suggest going to the doctor - I've been depressed before and this isn't depression, it's exhaustion and a terrifying knowledge that my parenting skills aren't up to scratch.
Thanks for reading.
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Please help - terrified I'm fucking up my baby
45 replies
Masssivefuckup · 22/09/2020 07:28
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