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MIL thinks she knows best

(31 Posts)
FriedEggOnToast Fri 10-Jul-20 15:58:49

I just wanted to let off some steam and moan about my MIL!!! I feel like she thinks she knows whats best for my son and not me, whether its what he is wearing, to what he eats and how much, to when and where we should go out to play, to what time he goes to bed etc!! It sometimes has me even doubting myself!! I mean, I know she does mean well, but she is always sticking her oar in and undermining me!! Yesterday, I was feeding my 16 month old son some cherries which I cut up small (the MIL watching every moment like a hawk).... then all of a sudden, the MIL tries to put in my son's mouth a whole (pitted) cherry!!! My motherly instinct was to ashamedly slap her hand away (who knows where the cherry went) and say "What? A WHOLE cherry?" to which she replied quite authoritatively "YES"!!! I am always worried that I haven't cut up his food small enough and am worried he will choke! Luckily the situation finished there, and I continued to feed my son the cherries to sizes as I saw fit!! Does anyone else have a domineering MIL who belittles you? Was I wrong to slap her hand away? (I do actually feel bad about that!) Do you feed your 16 month olds whole (pitted) cherries?

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Mintjulia Wed 05-Aug-20 18:15:52

Why shouldn’t you use English? Do You live in England? The schools teach in English? confused

MummytoaprincessXo Wed 05-Aug-20 18:11:19

I could have written this😭😭 (not the cherry part - but a whole cherry.. wow I don’t think I could eat a whole one as an adult) I am grateful for all my MIL does but she doesn’t half take over! When we go round I hardly see my own child. Through the doors and she’s gone! she also goes against everything I say and sometimes stresses me out by doing things I have asked many time for her not to do (kiss her with cold sores, feed her things I don’t want to feed her normally crisps or things that are not healthy). I could go on hahah (I sometimes have to laugh about it or else I’ll cry or scream)

FriedEggOnToast Wed 05-Aug-20 16:11:51

Thank you all for your replies! Made me realise that I mustn't doubt myself and to stick up for what I think is right concerning my son! Thank you again and sorry for late reply xx

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notthemum Wed 15-Jul-20 10:17:30

You poor thing. I don't really have much more advice at the moment. But I am here if you just want to moan.
Thank God I never got as far as having a MIL. I have very strong opinions on some things and definitely would not have kept my mouth shut. I think I would definitely have been thought of as a terrible DIL. Would Di have cared ? Not a bloody fig.

FriedEggOnToast Wed 15-Jul-20 09:43:20

@notthemum Thank you!! We all live in a close knit town and I see her most days... AND all the family go to hers for dinner once a week 😤🤬 Ohhhhh I can rant and rave about her all day long!!!!!

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Sunnydayshereatlast Wed 15-Jul-20 09:35:25

At least you have concrete evidence she can not have your dc unsupervised - and your dh can't even argue with that!

FriedEggOnToast Wed 15-Jul-20 09:24:33

@BakewellGin1 Thats absolutely awful, those poor poor parents.

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kaxxz Tue 14-Jul-20 23:41:58

I'm currently pregnant and living with my MIL untill our house has finished being renovated. I feel my MIL has compared my pregnancy etc to hers and the clothes I've bought for the baby in comparison to how she used to dress her children. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I think they struggle to back off so it's important to be blunt if you need to so she gets the message

GrumpyHoonMain Tue 14-Jul-20 23:23:04

Depends on the size of the cherry but if it’s a large and pitted cherry I would probably give the one by holding it. However if your son is only used to eating small chunks of fruit then she shouldn’t have even tried.

FriedEggOnToast Tue 14-Jul-20 12:47:21

@WhatKatyDidNxt Oh yes, she has her opinions alright!!! Everyone has opinions! What gets me is that I have to accept her opinions, but she won't accept mine confused
Feel sorry though for my DH as he must feel like piggy in middle... he has had words with her, but nothing changes!

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FriedEggOnToast Tue 14-Jul-20 12:07:43

@ParadiseLaundry Oh I definately had no intentions of slapping her hand away until I actually did it.... like you say, pure instinct!

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FriedEggOnToast Tue 14-Jul-20 07:58:05

@lemorella Thank you! Oh yes, I'm sure my MIL thinks she is being helpful.... but she is extremely insistant... surely it is up to me to choose which advice to follow or to not follow!!! My DH has had words with her several times, but it doesn't work.... she just has certain ideas which cannot be changed!! Does your MIL back off now?

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FriedEggOnToast Tue 14-Jul-20 07:15:41

@Soubriquet EXACTLY, it only one!
I have a friend who still halves grapes for her 8 year old!

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FriedEggOnToast Mon 13-Jul-20 15:03:16

@Letsallscreamatthesistene For me, the same rule applies for all food!! I cut up everything small just in case!

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RandomMess Mon 13-Jul-20 11:16:51

How many languages does MIL speak, hopefully just the one and you state "there is a reason why I am bilingual and you are not" angry

notthemum Mon 13-Jul-20 10:20:04

Oh and rant about her as much as you like.

notthemum Mon 13-Jul-20 10:18:31

Christ on a bike. You most certainly did the right thing. Don't feel bad about it at all.
Not much experience with Mils but loads with children.
Poster who asked about grapes, advice is usually not for under 5s but if you do give them then cut them up, reason for this is the skin on them can make them get stuck if not chewed properly.
Well done to the poster who saved the child.
Back to OP, sorry if I've missed a bit, did you say why MIL was around so much ?
You are doing fine and please don't let her ridiculous ideas get you down.
Keep repeating Thank you for your opinion but my child my rules.

BakewellGin1 Mon 13-Jul-20 10:12:56

My DS is same age and everything is cut appropriately whether it's grapes, Strawberries, melon, Bananna...

Locally to us a 2 Yr old and 3 Yr old have died in past few years one from Grape one from a Raisin. It terrifies me.

WhatKatyDidNxt Mon 13-Jul-20 09:58:54

No way would l give a child a whole cherry at that age. She’s being ridiculous and needs to butt out. As someone else said: your child = your rules. Yeah she might have opinions about stuff but there is no need for her to force them onto you. The not speaking English thing is rude and interfering. What does your husband / partner think of all this?

FriedEggOnToast Mon 13-Jul-20 09:51:19

@Aquamarine1029 @Lockdownseperation
I try and avoid her whenever and however possible, but we all live in a close knit town and I see her most days!!! angry

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FriedEggOnToast Mon 13-Jul-20 08:16:19

@Crazycatlady83 I don't think we are the only ones who have domineering MILs!!! How lucky you are you hardly see her now! Does she not see your child either now? We all live in the same close knit town, so I unfortunately bump into her most days!
And yes, I do too listen to advice, but not orders..... my son is being brought up bilingual (as was I) and only yesterday she was telling me to NOT speak to him in English (she has been "advising" me this since he was born!!!)

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ParadiseLaundry Mon 13-Jul-20 07:22:03

Don't feel bad about slapping her hand, it was pure instinct. I bet you didn't even know you were going to do it until it had already happened!

As for feeding whole cherries to a 16 month old.... completely bonkers and bloody dangerous. bet they're an even worse choking hazard than grapes.

lemorella Mon 13-Jul-20 07:01:13

She's being too overbearing. You have my sympathy. Whilst I think most of the time with overbearing MIL's that it's not meant from a bad place, they should not be pushing unsolicited advice on anyone.

You need to ask your husband to have a word and tell her to back off and wind her neck in and a stark warning about food safety, that would make me nervous about leaving your dc alone with her.

Several times I've had to ask my MIL to back off (as had DH) she really upset me by making derogatory comments about breastfeeding (including commenting the reason my newborn was not sleeping through was due to me not formula feeding).

Your child your rules - do not let her make you doubt yourself.

Soubriquet Mon 13-Jul-20 06:58:45


It only takes one

My Nan was hmm when she saw I was still chopping grapes up for my 5 year old (at the time)

She knows now not to comment after various past instances but I could see she was barely biting her tongue.

FriedEggOnToast Mon 13-Jul-20 06:50:54

@PrayingandHoping OMG, absolutely terrifying situation (and my worse fear). Thank god you were there to help.

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