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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Father let child fall

29 replies

PattyP82 · 18/05/2018 22:27

Hi ladies,

I don't post here much. But I really need advice. My ex and I have a 2 kids, a boy and a girl. Boy is 15 months. Girl is 3. Me and the ex are trying to see if we can get back together. We have just been going away on family trips and hanging out as a family. He is a good dad but he can be very careless. On his phone loads. Can be very absent minded when it comes to safety. My son fell and split his eyebrow open yesterday in my ex's house. There was loads of blood, ambulance had to be called, he got stitches and was fine. I was also fine about it, it was an accident, these things happen. Today, I get a call to say he was in the park with the kids, he had our son in the buggy without strapping him in and he was looking at my daughter when my son fell head first out of the buggy into gravel. He has a big egg on his forehead. His nose is bright red an scuffed with bits of blood, plus the stitches on the other side from yesterday. His poor little face looks awful. I cried when I saw it. He's in bed now. Dad just said look I'm really really sorry, it was a mistake, I know I should have used the straps, it was my fault and I'm really sorry. We are all supposed to be traveling away together tomorrow on a ferry to see his parents (we're in Ireland he's in England).

What would you do? I feel like telling him we're not going

OP posts:

Report

PattyP82 · 18/05/2018 22:32

I went absolutely crazy. Called him an unfit parent

OP posts:

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 22:34

Hopefully he'll get his act together after this.

picklemepopcorn · 18/05/2018 22:34

That would bother me. I'd be inclined to make him prove his ability. He can only have them one t a time until...
Don't get back together yet. He doesn't take it seriously yet.

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 22:38

This thread will go one of two ways. You'll get lots of people saying accidents happen, but there will be lots of people saying that he's irresponsible and can't be trusted.

Basically, people on the Internet don't know your personal situation, and I think you need to trust your own judgement on this one. You recognise that he's careless, but that this was an accident. Hopefully he'll change his ways after seeing his baby need stitches due to his careless behaviour.

If you get back together then you need to give him time to demonstrate that he's going to be more attentive in future.

PattyP82 · 18/05/2018 22:47

I just don't know how I will be able to get into a car with him tomorrow and play happy families and show off our son to all his extended family and friends when his face is all smashed up

OP posts:

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 23:32

I'm going back to trusting your instinct. Don't worry about what family think (it's his negligence, not yours).

If you don't want to go, don't go. It's fine to do that.

Mookie81 · 18/05/2018 23:36

Your son is barely a year old.
In the space of a couple of days he has stitches and an egg- 2 quite serious head injuries.
His bullshit sorry wouldn't be cutting it for me; I would have punched his face in.

Mookie81 · 18/05/2018 23:37

There's a difference between accidents and neglect.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 18/05/2018 23:37

When I was doing my nurse training years ago we were told if a child had more than three admissions to A and E in a year an investigation by social services would take place. I'm not sure it's still the same but you have to prove you can keep your child safe.

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 23:38

When my youngest was almost 2, he ran in front and tripped up. Smashed his face into the ground and had a black eye and bloody nose. We called him scab nose for weeks.
It was really upsetting and a total accident.

The difference is that I AM careful, this was just one of those things. The way you talk about your ex comes across strongly that you don't trust him to look after your children well enough. That's the issue, not a one off accident.

Belindabauer · 18/05/2018 23:39

I wouldn't be happy if it was my child and I speak as a parent who has always encouraged my children to be adventurous and explore.
He needs to be far more responsible.

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 23:41

@Mookie81 said it much more succinctly than me

Mookie81 · 18/05/2018 23:49

IWantMyHatBack I'm quite the plain speaker
In all seriousness he has a real problem; we're not talking about a toddler even it's a baby; dad glued to his phone paying no attention.
After the stitches he should have been extra careful and watching him like a hawk but no, he has a smashed head to boot.
Im probably scaring you and I'm sorry for that but next time you won't be so lucky.

Pressuredrip · 18/05/2018 23:50

My 16 month old has to have a cut glued on his head after an accident recently-slide he was on fell apart. I wasn't there to judge.

Then just yesterday he fell out of his pram with the straps not done up. It was the first time I'd ever not done his straps, but he climbed into the pram himself after crying because he didn't want to leave the playground, and I just zoomed off planning to strap him up when we were out of sight. Then he dived out of it when he saw a dog. Thankfully he didn't hurt himself badly, but he could have.

I think at this age they can have loads of near misses and loads of injuries. Having said that, it's usually easy to judge in person if someone is being too careless or one offs, the fact you are asking suggests it's more serious.

IWantMyHatBack · 18/05/2018 23:54

Scaring me? I agree with you

picklemepopcorn · 19/05/2018 07:25

She knows hat! The scaring bit is to op. Only the first line is to you!

cansu · 19/05/2018 07:30

He sounds like an idiot. He should have been extra careful after the stitches incident.

AnthonyDublin · 19/05/2018 10:25

Is he a teenager?
Put the damn phone down and concentrate on your baby, you imbecile.

Penfold007 · 19/05/2018 10:43

Have you or he had your son checked out re the second incident? Two 'accidents' in two days should ring alarm bells for medical professionals.
Maybe it would be best to cancel the trip.

TammySwansonTwo · 19/05/2018 11:01

Accidents do happen. One of my twins is extremely adventurous and is constantly falling and tripping and climbing but if he’d had stitches the day before I’d be on high alert and something as basic as doing up his buggy harness would be obvious.

NorthernSpirit · 19/05/2018 12:23

Wow, all the mothers damming the dad. Of course accidents never happen on mums time.

Accidents happen.

My OH has 2 children - the mum was carrying the son down the stairs and dropped him and he suffered a fractured skull. 2 weeks ago the girl fell off a park bench (when with mum) and fractured her arm. Did my OH kick off? No.... because accidents happen and you have to trust the other parents just judgement. Of course I bet if these 2 incidents had happened on dads time the mum would be up in arms??!!

DesignedForLife · 19/05/2018 13:01

Accidents happen, but who doesn't strap a 15 month old into a pushchair? That's careless.

Mookie81 · 19/05/2018 17:32

NorthernSpirit you are as bad as the dad then.
I would be saying the same to any parent; accidents happen but quick successions of serious injuries mean a parent is extremely careless or abuse.
People are having a go at the dad because they happened on his watch; if it was the OP she would be.
@IWant the scaring comment was to the OP

elephantscanring · 19/05/2018 17:35

You trust your instinct. Do you think he’s safe around the dc?

Why would he ever put dc in buggy without using the straps? That was totally avoidable. Falls less so - depending what was happening.

being on his phone all the time isn’t great.

He needs to stop that and pay more attention.

Next time could be worse.

NorthernSpirit · 19/05/2018 17:38

@Mookie81 - why am I as bad as the dad? Not my children, I let the parents parent. God..... if I overstepped the boundaries as a stepmum then I would be absolutely flamed.

I’ll tell the mother about her poor parenting skills - i’m sure she woukd really appreciate me interfering?!

And I still guest before you flame someone you understand the facts - in my example the incidents were 7 years apart so jog on....

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