I just want a Christmas at home!!

[JKCR2017]

Hi, so as we all know Christmas is fast approaching (far from organised though lol).

Anyway, me and my OH have been together for 5yrs and we have DS and DD. I dread Christmas Day. We are both very lucky to have parents that live within a 10-15 mile radius but in opposite directions to each other. Most years we get up, open presents, sort lunch, visit my parents, the in laws then get back so DS can go to his fathers on Christmas Day evening. It's not particularly enjoyable. I spend the whole day rushing around trying to please our very particular families. It would be so much easier for family to come to us. As they have no young children. Bearing in my DS has special needs.

This year I would really LOVE to spend the whole day at home, the four of us. Family can visit anytime or we will visit them on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. But now the family don't think we want to see them..

It's not that all. It's just I would love to spend Christmas Day not rushing, not driving around half of Cornwall pleasing everyone else.

Am I being unreasonable? The whole day is making me anxious already! 😖

[Swirlingasong]

Of course you are not unreasonable. Provided they are all fit and able and have transport, why should you do all the travel? Do they not want to have someone else cook for a change?

If they won't travel though, three lots of family in one day sounds a lot for your ds. Could you suggest seeing one family on Xmas day and one on boxing day?

[Petalflowers]

No, you are not being unreasonable. We’re doing the same and having Christmas at home this year, although will probably end up travelling on Boxing Day. It ends up not being a rest.

State your plans and stick to them. Invite people over, and it’s up to them whether they accept. You are not not seeing them ,just doing things differently this year, and putting your family first.

[GherkinSnatch]

YANBU. My christmas day is spent getting everyone ready for my parents to come to us in the morning, and then shooing them out the door so we can get to PILs for 2pm.

They each live about 7 miles away, in opposite directions, which I try to think of a good thing because it means we don't have the dreaded "alternating years" to deal with, but by god I wouldn't mind just doing my own thing and not having to do the socialising merry-go-round.

[dibbleanddobble]

Just tell them that's what you're doing, then offer alternative family days. They might be annoyed initially but they'll get over it.

[Loopyloo1987]

This sounds like my christmas's. My OH parents are divorced . One lives about 40mins in one direction and the other about 1hr 30minz in the other direction.

I got fed up with getting up the crack of dawn to rush through presents amd then out the door. So this year we will have a 4 year old and 4 month old and i have put my foot down and said were having the day at home.

Im lucky enough my mum and brothers are accross the road but then im made to feel guilty about getting to c them more .

We will still end up driving to his mums xmas eve and his dads boxing day though. When ever i say about them coming here he says oh no there far to busy geting xmas stuff ready to travel drives me mad like im not busy with 2 kids and xmas as well. X

[Bubblysqueak]

Yanbu. We used to alternate Christmas between parents but we stopped the year I had first dc. Now if people want to see us they are more than welcome to come to us if not we will see them at some other point in time.

[Summersummerdaydreams]

Not being unreasonable at all. We felt like you, so A few Christmas's ago, We put our foot down, Told both sets of parents they were more than welcome to come to us for Christmas Day and Boxing Day but we would be staying home and not visiting. The best thing we did and it's now what we do every year.

[pleasewelcometherealme]

YANBU. And if your family are anything like mine, every year that you do it their way will make it even harder to ever do anything different. Again if they are like mine, if you have raised it now and then go back to doing things their way because they have objected they will assume that you agree that you would be unreasonable to do anything different.

If you've offered them an option of coming to you they really can't complain if they don't see you because they decide they don't want to travel.

[tinymeteor]

Yanbu.

Did your childhood Xmas days involve driving round the extended family? Bet they didn't. So why should your DSs's?

[Chilver]

i feel your pain! Our respective families live on opposite ends of the country and we alternate Christmas then New Years with each family. Two year ago I put my foot down and said we're staying at home as we'd never had a Christmas at home as our own little family. Didn't take last year - but this year we are at home (and none of them are visiting over actual Christmas as our house is too small... if there was a dancing emoji i'd put it in here...)

if you float the idea early enough and just keep on mentioning it as a fait accompli, it will eventually stick. Good luck!

[wobblywonderwoman]

We end up visiting both sets every year on Christmas day. So it is a trip of 20 mins- then and hour - then back to ours - another 20 mins.

No one will bother calling to us but we are selfish if we don't go apparently

[wobblywonderwoman]

Virtually two hours drive

[Justthejist]

Yanbu. Now we have kids I refuse to travel anywhere on Christmas Day, much to mil's dislike. I just want Christmas to be cosy and fun, not rushed.

I have always said anyone is welcome at ours, but they don't want to.

[ohidoliketobe]

YANBU. Exactly the same as bubblysqueak. We alternated pre kids. Now say anyone welcome. PIL and BIL and his DP usually nip for an hour in the morning for breakfast (brew and croissant) and watch DCs open gifts from them. My DPs and GPs come around midday for lunch which we take turns in sorting out a course per couple and it's served 'whenever it's ready'- so around 3/ 4pm. Lovely laid back day. No stress. No clock watching. My uncle his wife and 3 kids are coming for lunch as well this year as they are visiting from abroad, and at least 10 other family members will call round at some point in the day. Love love love it.