How do you get 8 week old to go to bed???

[Runninglate]

Our usually contented 8 week old DD just won't settle to sleep in her cot unless we are in bed too (next to her). how do we break this and get her to settle on her own so that we can be up and about having 'us' time. As it is, we do what we can to settle her on the sofa next to us (otherwise we are up and down the stairs 'attending' to her' all night) and then we all go to bed about 10pm.

Interestingly, we took her to a restaurant with us all night and she slept in her buggy from 7:30pm and a smooth transfer in to bed etc when we got back.

Please help!!

[Twinklemegan]

I'm afraid it's just a matter of time Runninglate. DS didn't start to be able to settle himself upstairs until he was around 4 to 4.5 months. She loves you so much she doesn't want to be apart from you. She also doesn't realise that you're still around unless she's right next to you. Hang in there - she'll get the hang of it eventually!

[TooTicky]

Babies need a lot of security - the more closeness and contentedness you have now, the more confident she will be later.

[Kbear]

I think leave her to settle herself. It is early days and a bit early to expect a routine. But IME if you start laying next to her she will learn to need you there. I speak as a parent who made this mistake the first time and was still settling my DD to sleep every night when she was 18 months.

My next child was left to settle himself and slept much better as a result.

Just my opinion. Feel free to ignore!

[Kbear]

I think background noise helps too rather than quiet. quiet could be unsettling perhaps, maybe a mobile or something would help?

Ooh, also agree with Too Ticky - might have to contradict myself!

[moondog]

I think it is deeply worrying to be talking about 'breaking' behaviour patterns at this stage.
They need you anbd they are tiny.
That's all there is to work on.

Surprised at your heartless attitude KBear!!

[Kbear]

I'm not heartless but I did hold my DD endlessly as a newborn (who doesn't) and then she could never settle herself to sleep, ever. Still can't. When DS arrived I was obv busy with a two year old so he didn't get picked up every minute so settled himself better.

She was looking for suggestions, I don't think it was heartless, just a suggestion.

[Kbear]

and moondog, you DO jump on people a bit.

[TrinityRhino]

I may not have had to still be sitting next to my 22 month old if I had left her to settle herself but I just can't so it

I know I'm overemotional but I wouls be thinking that they have only been out of the most comfortable and rerassuring place they have ever been(your womb) for 8 weeks and they need your comfort

8 weeks is not that long
but hey i have a 10 day old so am FULL of hormones, I was even crying earlier when I had to change her nappy and vest and sleepsuit cause of lovely explosive poop.she doesn't like being changed and lying on her back and I was just thinking you poor little thing, you are suddenly out in the big, scary, harsh, loud, bright, chilly world and only been here for 10 days, no wonder you would prefer just to be cuddled and fed.....sorrry blah blah, I'm go away now
very cathartic though to talk about it Thanks and sorry

[moondog]

Aaah,just mild joshing!!!

[Mummy2TandF]

Is she still feeding in the night? With my ds and dd (13weeks) we tended to keep them with us and just took them upstairs when we went to bed until they stopped waking for the night feeds - my dd now feeds anytime between 8:30pm and 10:30pm (last feed) and I now take her upstairs after this feed, she then seems to know that it is sleeptime IYSWIM - I know it sounds strange but it works for us otherwise I have no suggestions sorry

[Kbear]

Can I just say that the OP did request "us" time. She perhaps doesn't want to hold the baby the whole time and it is quite a sensible suggestion to put the baby down to settle itself. So Ner. Now I'm going back to talk about knock down ginger or something!

[maisiemog]

IMO there isn't much you can do right now, if you are demand feeding, it will settle itself eventually.
I used to let my little boy settle himself and sometimes it was just awful - he was upset, I was upset, we were all tired. He really started to sleep better at around 6 months and was reasonable from there.
I have ended up going and lying down to get him to sleep anyway, because he started to climb out of his cot and run into the sitting room at 14 months. We could have done the return to bed thing, but I'm quite attachmenty anyway (feels right for me) so I ended up lying beside him at bedtime. He falls asleep pretty quickly and I really enjoy cuddling him. )
I think you should do what feels right for your parenting style and not worry about the 'rod for your own back' brigade.
There is a school of thought that goes, if you give attention whenever your baby needs it your child will ultimately become more confident and independent.
I like that theory, and that's part of why I don't worry about staying with my little boy when he falls asleep - I think I'm helping him.
So we're all happy. )

[emkana]

May I jump in at this stage and say that I reckon us time can be suspended for a little bit longer than eight weeks IMHO...

just keep her with you for now, she loves you and wants to be with you all the time!

[Nemo2007]

Can I ask if its your first??? With DS I was told/thought was norm to have them in a routine asap and to be honest I spent months fretting over why he wouldnt settle etc. Then DD1 came along who was quite ill so never had a full nights sleep but wanted to be in her own bed so I spent 8mths sitting next to her cot while she slept, then at 8mths she started sleeping through and easily goes 6pm-8am and doesnt need overly comforting to sleep. She is now 14mths and it is story, milk and she is asleep.DD3 is 6wks and I have decided to go with her flow as the stress with Ds was a nightmare. If your DD wants you there then what is the harm?? At the end of the day this stage is soooo quick tha does it matter if you sit by her?

[Runninglate]

I suppose I am inbtween - I don't hold her to sleep but am just 'there'. I will whisper to her if she seems to want attention, so as to not over stimulate her. She just seem to be able to get in to a deep sleep until we are all in the bedroom and her in her cot next to us etc. We have tried music and all sorts but the longest she will settle without us in the room with her is about 20 mins and then she realises we're not there and starts crying etc.

[Nemo2007]

besides 'us' time gets you into trouble and you will be doing this again next year if you get it Lockets and I should know

[emkana]

Runninglate - please don't put there - honestly this stage will just fly by, please please enjoy it and have lots of cuddles, it's nothing to be sad about!

[Leda]

I think you are doing really well to be able to settle her by lying next to her tbh! At 8 weeks I still had to breastfeed my dd for hours (and hours and hours) in a darkened room to come anywhere near sleep (and I think then we both just sort of past out in sheer exhaustion).

[Runninglate]

It is my first and I'm breast feeding on demand. I'm more concerned that she's not getting good quality sleep until we all go to bed as it were and that we are keeping her up! From then on, she will settle brilliantly and then wake for a feed every 4-6 hours ish, so is perfect from that side of things.

[Runninglate]

It is VERY reassuring to hear you all say that this is normal and ok. She's such a gorgeous sweet thing and tolerates her new fumbly parents so well

[Nemo2007]

she is sleeping a lot better than any of mine have done so please dont fret..the fantastic thing with babies is they sleep and eat enough for them and they dont all follow a text book.