Nativity Show - Son Refuses to Take Part

[Mablethorpe]

DS (8) attends the catchment CofE school. He's in year 4, and this year the nativity show for parents is voluntary. The school has given the children the choice of taking part or not.

DS is refusing point blank to take part this year and we've had tears etc. He is outgoing, bright and otherwise well behaved but should I force him to take part? I want him to, for obvious reasons, but is this being unfair on him?

[blueistheonlycolourwefeel]

What are his reasons for not wanting to take part? If it is voluntary, why do you feel you should force him?

[GazingAtStars]

Why would you want to force him? If he doesn't want to do it then he doesn't have to!

[AnnPerkins]

Of course you are being unfair.

The school has given him a choice and he's made it. Why would you force him otherwise? And what are the obvious reasons?

[ExcellentWorkThereMary]

If the school are giving them the choice, you need to respect his decision.

[MrsJayy]

Why would you want to force him to do it ? Its a school play that he doesn't want to do its not a huge deal

[MrsJayy]

You want him to do it so you can see him in it but would you enjoy watching knowing he might be miserable ?

[meditrina]

I've no idea what your 'obvious reasons' are, because as on this occasion he has been given a choice, and to me the obvious thing to do is to respect it (once you've tactfully checked its a settled decision).

Will there be other opportunities to participate in drama in school?

[bloodyteenagers]

Apart from you being able to say ooh look there's my ds. I can think of no obvious reasons.
Respect his choice. He doesn't want to do it.

[AmeliaJack]

I'm not sure what the obvious reasons are?

To encourage confidence, public speaking?

If that's the case that's not unreasonable but perhaps a less pressured environment might be more suitable?

Perhaps he just doesn't like to act? Many people don't.

Whether YABU depends on his reasons for opting out and your reasons for wanting him to do it.

[weeblueberry]

Yeah I think I'd like to hear what the obvious reasons are. Some of the most stressful moments I remember from school were being forced to take part in public speaking or performing. It used to make me so nervous I'd feel sick for days in advance.

I'm a perfectly confident adult now and happily stand in from of a room of clients to do a presentation so it's clearly not had a knock on effect. But the pressure to even just stand up and recite a poem really knocked me for six when I was young.

[Wolfiefan]

It's voluntary. The school have given the kids a choice. Why would you then force him?

[CotswoldStrife]

I'm not sure what your reasons are as they are not obvious but I do think you are being extremely unfair to force him - and his teachers, who will have to deal with his daily distress - to take part.

[TiredAndDeadly]

You've made him cry over taking part in a nativity?

It's voluntary.

You are being vvu

[user1477282676]

Is the voluntary factor due to some non religious people not wanting their kids involved? I'd ask the school this question and then suggest that in future it's better to offer the PARENTS the choice and not the DC.

[00100001]

I agree with PPs, what are the "Obvious" reasons?

[BathshebaDarkstone]

YABVVVVU. How can you make your DS suffer like that?

[Floggingmolly]

There are no obvious reasons...

[user1477282676]

This thread is funny! People getting all het up over OP wanting her DS to take part in a very traditional and lovely event in his school life but so many people on here say that all kids MUST be made to do sports day.

Even though that makes many kids cry.

Both activities are good for children. Performing builds confidence and teaches children about storytelling.

[daisydalrymple]

My ds1 is 9. He said to me yesterday the only thing he dislikes about Christmas is the school nativity. He's fairly reserved / shy, although confident with his friends.

I've always known he's been nervous doing them, but didn't realise he dreaded it that much. I'd gladly let him not do it if he had the option.

[00100001]

user1477 you obviously weren't on MN in June/July....

[user1477282676]

Well I still think it's important that children have the opportunity to take part in performances. The shyer children don't need speaking parts. It's a right of passage and helps them in many ways.

Imagine if children were given the choice "not to do any drawing" or other creative pursuits in school!

[AlmaMartyr]

My son has so far always refused to participate in plays, he's in Year 2. He was very deaf with v. bad glue ear for a long time and is terrified of crowds and attention. The school don't give a choice as such and gently encourage him to take part but normally on the day he gets too upset. Not a big deal. I sit and read with him in the classroom until the play is over. He did do one last year so is obviously gaining confidence and we were very proud.

[AnnPerkins]

The school has given the children a choice. It would be very wrong to take away that choice.

It may be an important 'tradition' to some but if he's 8 he'll probably have done the nativity numerous times already since pre-school. And it's not 'lovely' if he's getting upset about it.

[OhNoNotMyBaby]

Poor boy! Why on earth would you force him?

At 6, my DD was adamant that she didn't want me to watch her in the school plays. She liked doing them but she didn't want to see them, so even though I wanted to, I didn't.

I respected her choices and her decisions.

[OdinsLoveChild]

user1477282676 I was forced to take part as a child. Do you know what it taught me? That adults never listen to childrens anxieties and fears, they 'don't matter' to those adults because 'its for their own good and a bit of fun'.

It doesn't help children at all unless they actually do want to take part. My anxiety is crippling sometimes over 30 years later and it was made considerably worse by my parents and schools insistence that I take part in these events because its 'good for me'.

OP YABVVU if he doesn't want to do it then don't make him. If he sits back and watches he may decide next year he will want to have a go.