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Is the super soccer mum image a big act?(41 Posts)
Just wanting some advice/reality check really.
I have dd2 and longing for more but I feel I need to be a fantastically organised 'soccer mum' but don't know how.
I work 22 hrs plus work from home a few hrs a week when dd is at home, I have dh who bless him is a 1950s man but it works for us, I do have a car now which is great, and I feel I don't want my days off with dd to be boring for her so often meet up with friends with kids.
I just feel overwhelmed and with the housework/laundry on top I have to get up latest 6am but am knackered by 9pm.
Dd is good sleeper and only wakes few times in night for a tuck in, am on several medications including thyroid, b12, vertigo and have had to start drinking red bull to keep going.
What's your average day with dc would love to know,
I should add I take dd to a toddler church once a week and there I see mums in their big 4x4s running in with full hair/make up and twin sets with a toddler in one hand and baby in the other lol, live in 'that' sort of area
We're all different. Some people say that I cope marvellously with 4 DC but they just haven't seen me when I'm at the end of my tether & had stuck with 2 (or maybe just 1).
Red bull not good for you daily, but I guess you know that.
Would love to know this too, I have one dc & one en route, I always make sure dd looks beautiful, well dressed & clean face, tidy hair etc but I just don't have time or money to spend on my appearance as I used to before dc I used to take great pride in my appearance but after dc I am lucky to be dressed before 11 a.m not to mind do my hair & make up... How do some women do I, I admire them too x
I don't admire it. I knew a woman who was always in designer clothes with nice makeup. Beautiful house, nice car. Her 4 kids were impeccably dressed and so well behaved that.. they were freaks. I never met such never-whining never demanding children. Like ghosts.
Except that the mum was candid enough to admit she more or less had a breakdown after the youngest was born, that she was OCD about cleanliness, and there were loads of things about their home life that I didn't like. Very intense sibling rivalry & imho, some misplaced priorities. Not a horrendous life for them (I live in a glass house, too), but still far from how I'd want to be. You really can't tell what's happening in other people's lives.
Indiana - yes my appearance has suffered since dd. Some days I don't even see a hair brush I want this year to be different tho just don't know how to get out of the frump
Specifically where do you think you're going wrong?
What is a 1950s man? Do you mean that he contributes financially but does nothing else to contribute to running your household?
If you are frazzled and feeling overwhelmed by housework etc then perhaps your partnership with your DH is not working as well for you as it could?
I just feel like I'm doing very little but have no hours in the day free but maybe I'm over estimating what others do? Yes dh does finances but nothing else, not bothered abt him doing more as he works enough as it is
Well, I get up 7.30 shower dress, hair, make up.. Kids dressed and breakfasted. I'm in work at 9.30, work until 4.15, collect kids, home dinner, bed DS1 at 7, DS2 at 8. Then I sit and watch tv / read / iPad until bedtime.
Weekend is kids stuff and as little cleaning as I can get away with!
I have 2 DC (7 and 5) and I think I manage life quite well. I work 4 days a week - on working days, we have to leave just before 8 for breakfast club so I get up at 6, have a shower, do make-up and hair. Breakfast around 7, coax DC into getting ready, I get dressed at 7.30, gather up bags etc and out the house. Get back in by 5.30, give them a snack, watch telly for a bit. Bath at 6.30 then homework/play/tv until bedtime then I make my tea and chill
Whilst I was on maternity leave, I never found I had no time for getting myself sorted and I am always slightly baffled by people who say that. Babies have naps for example so I would have a shower then. If anything, I used to find myself with more time on my hands than I knew what to do with!
Ok, well, I would suggest a cleaner then, and maybe find one who can do ironing as well if that would help.
Could you put your children in childcare for a morning so that you can either get some housework done or have a rest (or whatever would help)?
In terms of managing your time, maybe write a list of essential weekly household tasks. Then decide when each week you can fit them in, and use that as a schedule. There are various websites that have ideas for this eg unf*ck your habitat (pardon the name), fly lady etc.
doh - I opened this thinking it would be about Mums who take their dc to football......
I'll get my coat...
Would it be worth going back to the GP to discuss how tired you are, and that you are relying on caffeine (does that cause any issues with thyroids?). Maybe they will be able to suggest something to help, or can investigate if there are any other potential causes (anaemia?).
what are all your recent blood test results?
you need tsh under 2 (mine is 0.4) ferritin up over say 90 and b12 i think offhand around 500. also have you had vit d tested?
Honestly, you're probably over tired and stressed because your dh isn't helping. You write it off like it's ok, but to an outsider it doesn't sound ok at all. I would imagine other people cope because their partner pulls their weight.
Waking several times a night, even if just for a tuck in, is a killer. Your dh should be helping. I don't think any decent husband/father watches their wife struggle and doesn't step up to help. Can you talk to him.about it?
it sounds like you are knackered and doing too much. economise and prioritise. you dont need the house to look perfect. you all need to look presentable not perfect and your children should be able to deal with boredom and not need entertaining.
all issues could be addressed and then you can consider another.
I have 3 dc, the eldest is severely disabled. I work full time, although flexible hours. Generally I manage very well. The difference is I have a fantastic dh who does loads around the house. He also works very hard outside the home, but we are a partnership. He respects me and does not think his spare time is more important than mine. He loves me and would not stand by and watch me run myself into the ground.
Also interested as to your description of your DD as a good sleeper - to me, waking up several times each night is not 'good', that is a poor sleeper. I think you need to tackle that and you might find the days easier
Agree with others that lack of sleep is a good part of why you're so tired.
Skeleton, I have to say that I was initially a bit put out at your first post ... but then read on, and realised that the times when I've struggled to cope with the days have been when DD is waking lots during the night, and I can't do anything but crash during those daytime naps!
OP, when you've had a poor sleeper then waking 'only a few times a night' seems great in comparison, and you can kid yourself that it's perfectly normal and manageable. But it isn't - not long term.
I used to do all the nights too, but when I went back to work, my DH started doing half the night on my work days and at weekends: we switch over at about 3am. DH usually stays up until about midnight anyway, and I go to bed at 9pm. That means that I sometimes don't have to get up at all in the night (you do wake up briefly, but knowing someone else is dealing with it means you can go straight back to sleep). A few nights of blissful sleep, and you realise quite how much those night wakings are killing you. I really can't emphasize enough how much of a difference that help makes.
Could you do the same, and have your DH do some of the night wakings? If DD just needs a tuck-in, then even 1950s man should be able to cope . And as a side effect, he'll realise how hard the nights are, and also stop seeing it as 'your' problem - both of which will make him keener to help. That's what I found anyway!
Also, you say you're knackered by 9pm - I don't know whether you actually go to bed then, but depressing as it is, that might help. I find that even with help it isn't really an uninterrupted night and I genuinely need 9pm-5/6am (which is when my DD usually wakes), especially since I don't get a chance to re-charge at weekends like I did pre-baby. DH is more of a lie-in person than me, so I usually let him have the weekend lie-ins unless I'm really shattered.
If you can possibly afford it, do also get a cleaner. A professional who can just focus on cleaning gets a lot done in 2-3 hours a week, and then with the hard stuff done, you can just do a little bit of maintenance through the rest of the week. And having that time and energy for DD is probably worth more than doing something else expensive with her.
I don't know anything about your health conditions - except that I those things can increase tiredness! Looking after a young child is hard enough when you're in good health. It must be really hard with that extra burden.
Do make the changes you need to, in order to get your energy back. You owe it to yourself and also your daughter. Good luck!
I shower wash dry and straighten my hair and do basic make up every morning it taken maybe 25 mins. I put DS in the shower with me then leave him in once I get out do my make up and get dressed in the bathroom then he gets out and runs around naked while I dry my hair. I leave the house as it is bar putting a wash on come home for 3.30ish and do housework. The house is never perfect and I'm no Victoria Beckham but i'd rather have everything average and be happy and not stressed than strive for the perfect life ending up miserable.
Could I just ask - who is looking after your children whilst you shower, do hair & makeup in the morning? My dd will rarely 'allow' me to do this. She is rising just before 6 at the mo & I don't want to get myself up before that. Seems too early! Even if I did she is such a light sleeper that the noise would only wake her anyway.
I do shower, hair and make up every morning without fail, and always before I come downstairs. I put DS in the cot with postman pat on the iPad (slattern). One episode on non hair wash mornings, two episodes if I have to dry my hair. I put all my clothes and all DS's clothes out the night before so there's no decision making to be done. We are always washed and dressed before the day begins, means that it's much easier to get out the house after breakfast!
Depends how old your DC is. When they were very little, I would put them in their crib/cot where they were safe and have a v quick shower.
once they got older, I would let them roam around in my bedroom/upstairs assuming it is child proof.
Even older, leave them downstairs watching telly
You can have a shower in 5 mins.
If they grumble or cry, it is only for a very short time or alternatively wait till they are having a nap
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