Cod, Moondog, anyone whose dhs are away a lot - how do you stop getting shouty?

[Pruni]

Or don't you?

I can't believe I am shouting at a 2.6 yr old who isn't doing anything wrong. He's v boisterous and consequently I am being battered and bruised on a regular basis. I hate it and just can't wait until dh home, which is making me sadder really.

Want to put him in a room to play by himself so he won't jump on me but he is too young.

[Carmenere]

Put him in a room to play, just leave the door open. Try ignoring him, it's the latest fashionable parenting technique on mumsnet
My dp works two jobs so I know how you feel.

[AngelaD]

Have you got parents nearby ?

[Pruni]

Tried that, he just isn't at that stage yet.
Mind you I have to say that after getting shouty with him about nutting me he is now picking up his crayons without complaint.....

[Pruni]

No parents nearby. VV nice neighbours are having us for tea tonight (they are lovely).

[nailpolish]

get out of the house

dont get upset about a messy house

dont try and keep it tidy

ignoring will surprise you - he will just go and do his own thing

get on with stuff (like mumsnet!) and he will amuse himself

[Blandmum]

get out of the house.

if possible try to arrange some 'me' time

The gym that I go to runds a creche/kids club. saves my sanity. if you can't get to something similar, toddler swap. have a friends kid for an hour, she does the same for you. Just to get an hour to yourself can save your life. When the kids are in bed treat yourself, nice smellies in the bath etc

[Pruni]

Not possible to do those things - really. No gym/creche nearby. Friends all work p/t or away for half term. No family. I am not often as hopeless as this and tomorrow will be better but today is a bit crap.

DS refused to get dressed so left him - came through a few mins later "Mummy I do it myself!!" and clothes on - if a bit askew - so not all bad!

[nailpolish]

if you feel you are about to explode, put on some loud music and dance around like a lunatic

hopefully you and ds will end up laughing

[Blandmum]

in which case ring fence the time when he is in bed.

Do not, on pain of death use the time to do housework, ironing etc. Have that time for you.

You have my sympathy btw, when we moved last time it was to an area where I knew no-one at all. In the end I booked dd into a creche to get a few hours to myself. It was what kept me sane, and I hade no support at all.

[zippitippitoes]

do you drive?

join the national trust..explore lots of properties, the grounds are excellent for small children and you can usually borrow back carriers to look at the house as well

[zippitippitoes]

do you drive?

join the national trust..explore lots of properties, the grounds are excellent for small children and you can usually borrow back carriers to look at the house as well

[milward]

Plan some treats for yourself to look forward to - a good tv prog when he's in bed, a nice snack for the afternoon, a pile of mags. Do a big shop so you don't have to go out to the supermarket for long. A playpark or indoor play center could be good - anything that involes lots of running around in the late afternoon to be tired out at bedtime.

[Pruni]

These are all really good ideas and I really do do a lot of those things. It's just the times when you can't instantly go out for whatever reason and feel like if you get touched one more time, nutted/bruised/kicked/sat on or one more towel is deliberately pulled on the floor, one more pile of washing gets it for no discernible reason - you know what I mean? Usually I can cope v well but occasionally jusy can't bear it and shout. My mum was very shouty and i can see the look in ds's eyes of upset and the need for reconciliation - he is really good at eye-contact and he bores into my soul......This isn't so much a discipline thing as me feeling ashamed of feeling like that and making him feel like that.

[moondog]

Have a routine
Walk a lot
Swim a lot
Go to the gym
Put him in a nursery p/t
Early bedtime

Hard work though!

[milward]

I find the stress of being responsible for little ones when dh is away really difficult sometimes - having no break, little sleep & having to do everything really takes it's toll. My dd3 is 3 & it can be tough looking after her sometimes. I shout & can't stop shouting - I try not too but it's hard to just say be calm take a moment. Feel for you here.

[zippitippitoes]

How not to shout

it's very difficult...if you don't shout you just seethe and then shout eventually

Have you more than one child?

My only solution is the pushchair and walk round the block or run out in the car, failing that dumping him in his cot for ten minutes

Sitting down with a drink each and a book for him.

Barricade the door of a relatively safe room and let him do whatever while you watch a dvd.

Dig the garden

Most things revolve round paying him attention and abandoning trying to do your own stuff

Home in on the things which hold his attention and try and teach him a quiet activity that you can get him into when he is naughty/fractious

Bath him..I used to do this at random times of day for some peace

[WestCountryLass]

My DH is away a lot and I do find if I am shouty/snappy then it encourages naughty/shouty behaviour, I suppose it raises the level and it just gets louder and louder and chaotic.

I find containing noisiness with things like "use your quiet voice", "don't jump on me, it hurts" and just trying to show them that an action = consequence and we don't shout, we talk, keeps a lid on things.

:)

[nailpolish]

since we got some really good garden toys i find my dd's play a lot without me on them

(my main prob has been dd's wont play without me)

they will go into the garden and i can sit and actually finish a cup of tea

another thing dd1 will do for ages on her own is painting, especially in the garden when she can make as much mess as she likes

this gives me time to sit and relax for a half hr or so, which makes me less shouty

another thing that i find a prob is i cant get anything done, so i try and involve dd's in housework, like hanging up the washing, sorting socks, hoovering and dusting (i give dd's a feather duster)

etc

hth

[moondog]

Pruni,was thinking more about this while out swimming with my dh and children(by contrast,when he is home,life is unbelievably pleasant and stree free)
Have you just the one child?

I have been doing this for over five years now,and it was hardest when dd (now 5 1/2) was an only child. I remember long weekends of despair and thinking 'How the fuck do I fill 14 hours??'
I also found that suddennly,at about 31/2 she became much easier to manage.

Like Zippi,I have also done a lot of random bathing (I sit on the loo with a magazine and glass of wine/cup of tea)

I also force myself to go to playgroups at least once a week.
If you schedule in something definite every day (pref. in morning,it's vital to get out of the house early to stop the ennui setting in( you can feel ok about expecting him to entertain himself for a bit and/or parking him in front of the tv.

I do think the tv can actually worsen the problem though.My children play best and most purposefully when I switch the VCR off.
It means I can have some peace too.

Much sympathy,it really is hard,but it does get easier,I promise.

[nailpolish]

have you tried going to the cinema? i discovered the 'movie mob' at our cinema every sunday morning, only £1 to get in. dd1 (3 and a half) loves it

[Pruni]

NP just checked out cinema for Curious George as thought that was a good idea. they make you pay from 18m old so It would cost us £12 just to get in, and tbh I don't think he'd sit. FOr a quid I'd try it!

MD (and others) I do do all those things. We get out - A LOT - and have a fine circle of friends with small children, playgroups, P+T things. (None running in half-term week, of course). I truly don't find the full-time thing a drag as there is quite a lot to do and the days never seem to go slowly.

But, with dh coming home at 6, it's easy, because my day ends there and the evenings are free. And the mornings have a routine. When he's away - as I know you'll know - there is no chance of a shower alone, and no knocking off at 6 and having someone else come and be pummelled, climbed on, called to play. I physically recoil sometimes, I am so ashamed of it, I just don't want to be pushed or used as a climbing-frame a moment longer. Hence the shouting - god I really am ashamed. DS is too young to want to stay in a room painting or doing playdoh or whatever, it all requires parental input.

What I mean is, if I know it's going to stop at 6pm, I can handle it, but when the days begin and end with me, it gets too much. Classic introvert, me, need my breathing space!
(Thank f**k he's napping again in the afternoons...)

[nailpolish]

pruni where do you live? most places have kids clubs on a sunday morning etc

and none of them sit

[Pruni]

Actually NP have remembered there is one Sat mornings round the corner, but from age 3, ds is 2.6.
Not a quid!
Can't wait tog et back to Scotland, it's sooooo expensive here...

[nailpolish]

ach they wont know th edifferencce between 2 and 3

put her hood up and they wont see

where are you from in scotland? are you coming back soon

[nailpolish]

his hood
oops