terrible day, dont like to confess to this(32 Posts)
please dont judge me harshly - am desperately hoping this happens to other people, kind of have to know whether its just me or not
have a beautiful three month old dd, but today just hasnt worked out. I nearly let my baby fall off my lap this morning, and then later I tripped over the bloody computer cable when I was holding her and fell, pitched forwards with her in my arms, partially fell against the sofa, there was a definite jarring, although she didnt bump anything. she was fine, looked a bit shocked but then gave me a big smile immediately afterwards. it's completely thrown me, cant believe i could be that crap. we were going to go out shopping, sort of have to really as have birthday presents to buy, but am too scared to now. feel like am accident prone today, dont dare.
think its partly because am tired, but also wonder if am just going through a rubbish stage. seem to have run out of energy to play with her today too. we are doing some playtime, but I also cant seem to turn the telly off. am being lazy i know, wonder if the near misses are karma for being a terrible mum and not putting in the effort today.
last week was so different - worked so hard and we were grand, but now everything is different and i feel so disappointed in myself.
feel a tiny bit desperate
just wanted to check back in to say thank you to you all for helping me out - your reassurance made such a difference.
feeling much more sane now - well more relaxed anyway!
thank you for your kindness
I'm a second time mum and I had a sort of breakdown at the three month mark, it's just a bit endless at the beginning. But I have positively revelled in the tv watching this time round as I know she doesn't need much and I need to keep my energy up for night times and ds. Being worried about it is a good sign, means you are already a good mum because mum equals guilt!
Glad you're feeling better. Last week my son (10 months old) managed to get a little candle out of a drawer and ate a chunk out of it. He's into bins, I've caught him with his hand in the toilet bowl (I do normally close the door but was in there filling the bath). He's fallen backwards off of 2 stairs as the way our stairs are we've had to give him the bottom 2. I'm sure there will be more to come.
Hi ackerbee - glad to know things are better now, even if still tough at times.
Reading your OP I thought you had a couple of near accidents that gave you a slight shock, after something like that good to feel a bit thankful I think that all is well. Having a more lazy day and just being relieved that all was well is quite understandable I think.
And yes a bit of attention, play, and chat from you from time to time and she'll be quite happy !
Hope you have a nice day today. Are you going out anywhere today ? Park might be nice, or garden ?
Have you got a baby gym? I put my 3 month old under it all the time. She loves batting the toys and I can get stuff done without worrying that she's bored. It's not neglect,it's improving her hand eye coordination
just wanted to check back in and say thank you all for the advice and reassurance. it helped so much and the crisis did pass - all well again, although must confess to still having rough days - just glad to know am not alone!
thank you all
Just to say I have also done the getting coat out putting it back, getting it out putting it back....
Do NOT feel guilty for not going out. But I do agree up post sometimes when it is the last thing you want to do some fresh air can really help. But remember if you go out and it is shit you can abandon ship and go home, no one will think any worse of you (or even know!).
Oh, and the self imposed pressure to entertain- felt that SO strongly with PFB and hovered round her constantly with books and toys! Am sure that's why she's completely incapable of entertaining herself now! Not gonna make that mistake again! DS sees me mumsnetting/ having a cuppa/watching Homes Under the Hammer .
Go to a HV drop in clinic - do you have them? Weigh in clinics for the baby? Have a chat about how things are going. They'll be able to get a enter handle on how you are. Plus gets you out of the house too.
I remember 3 months as the hardest part and even though it was 2nd time round for me, I called the HV and ended up having a bit of a weep, which was for me.
All sounds totally normal, but if you feel like you're on you're own (and I have DH and DD and still felt alone) give them a call- that's what they're there for.
Oh, and jeep repeating 'this too shall pass' ad finitum!
No they don't! I've found the Mumsnet book 'Why did nobody tell me that?' (I think that's what it's called, or similar) really useful and also a very entertaining read. I recommend it! (I'm not employed by MN...) Helps reassure you you're on the right track and what other people are doing. With ds1 I felt I had to be doing stuff with him all the time, but actually I think it's probably better if you're not hands on constantly, or they quickly expect that and howl when you leave the room to pee. A happy mummy = a happy baby so it is important to look after yourself and allow yourself time to have a cuppa, do the dishes, bake a cake or something. You can still do that when they're bigger, just plonk them in a bumbo in the kitchen to watch you make dinner while they exercise their gums on a teething toy.
Also can't tell you all what a relief it is to hear that haven't got to entertain the whole time. Thought I did unless readying for a nap. Nobody really tells you how much / how little to do that...
Thanks guys - I didnt think other people would do that as well - so relieved! Been absolutely paranoid about dropping her since day 1 and feel guilty as been watching over DH and nagging, and it was me that cocked up.
I was a bit worried about PND, hopefully just tiredness though. It's not easy this is it? Spent the first three months thinking had it sussed... Guess a little too cocky.
Eh.... DS3 (7 mo) rolled off the sofa this am. Whilst I and his 2 big brothers 6 & 8 yrs became too engrossed in Horrible Histories!!
Luckily we always have a pillow on the floor just in case.
I am official poop mother. But I also played with him and chatted to him, and cuddled him and we went out for lunch at his fav place. So I do my best.
Give yourself a break. Just do your best.
Firstly, we all (unless superwoman - and I take my hat off to any of those) have days where we feel like the crappest mum in the world. Mine are usually for shouting at ds1 (or even dd2 - only 5 months, so bad of me) for no good reason other than my sanity has upped and done a runner, or for overuse of Cbeebies / dvds to give myself a break. I really want to be a great mum, but am frequently more of a naggy / shouty / stressed out and slightly deranged mum, which saddens me.
Secondly your lo is only 3 months - you don't have to play with her loads in order to keep her happy and developing normally. With ds1 I fell into the 'first baby' trap - feeling guilty if I wasn't constantly trying to entertain him when he was too tiny and eyes too weak to have any idea that I was waving toys at him like a lunatic. With dd2 I simply haven't had the time, and she is quite content (apart from the past 2 days - she has a cold and has morphed into clingy screamy baby but that is by the by) to sit in her chair and watch things or roll about on her playmate and chew at some toys. She is 5 months now. I do play with her too, of course, but I just don't have the time to do it loads.
Thirdly, many of us have almost or actually dropped our lo. Ds1 fell off the bed when he was 8 months onto wooden floorboards - he 'mooncrawled' (crawled backwards) for the first time ever. I am also a GP and used to do out-of-hours work - the number of phonecalls I triaged from anxious parents whose lo had fallen off something or been bumped / banged / dropped. At least you didn't drop her, and maybe today's clumsiness and lack of energy has been more to do with lack of sleep or stress or a bit of PND or low iron - if you feel like that regularly, maybe have a chat to your GP and get your iron level checked. for you
well I've just discovered that on demand telly has This Life boxset - might treat myself to an episode or two...
Accidents - normal, not your fault, happens to everyone.
Watching a bit of TV - normal, everyone does it.
Seriously, give yourself a wee break. I've two children now and I've ignored them so much today that whilst I cleaned the bathroom my DD sat on DS's head and made him cry. He got over it with a cuddle.
ah was posting and missed the last two posts - thank you ladies - really nice messages - and so reassuring
it sounds like you all think the same thing - just need to get my head around it - especially as she is waking up and I need to clear up the tears and stress before she notices
you are all lovely - thank you
i wasn't okay, no, not when I posted - was feeling a bit on the edge, really anxious
got myself in a bit of a tizz. kept getting out her coat and putting it away, couldnt decide whether to go out or not and was getting so stressed - am still a bit like that now
she's asleep now though - so has created a bit of a natural break for me and so am trying to breathe a bit
thought you would all think i was dreadful.
wasnt sure which was worse - the accidents or the not playing all the time. feeling bad about the whole thing - not liking myself much today, can definitely do better than this.
need to get a handle on things a bit.
Yes, please give yourself a break love if you have another, you will be soooo much more laid back! Like PP said, they really don't need constant interaction at that stage, karma my arse, you haven't done anything wrong!!
best thing you can do is relax, she will pick up on stress and tension!
I definitely remember 3 months as a hard time. The adrenaline of birth has totally worn off and you're still awake a lot at night. Baby needs entertaining a bit but they can't hold anything or sit up...yuck.
Listen, just relax today. You don't need to be constantly interacting with her! Lay her on her play mat or in her bouncer, get a coffee and watch a bit of tele. Its fine. Chat to her on and off. Babies don't need a lot.
Don't give yourself a hard time. When my first was wee I instituted Lazy Mondays where we went nowhere and did nothing after being busy all weekend. Those were good days.
DC2 is now 4 months old. A couple of months ago DP dropped her. She seemed fine but I still made him call the doctor, being a bit of a nervous mother and all. He spoke to the doctor on the phone, answered a few questions about DC2's behaviour to make sure she was OK and was basically told that it happens all the time and not to worry about it.
Are you OK? You sound tired and stressed, both of which are completely normal for the mother of a three-month-old baby! Give yourself a break. A day or two of sitting around watching tv is not going to do anyone any harm. It's impossible to be on duty 24/7 for months on end. Now make yourself a cuppa and put your feet up (or at least as much as is possible with a baby to look after!)
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