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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

I have had a letter from Social Services

36 replies

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:29

following a DV incident by partner for which the police were called out.

They asked that I phone them, so I did. The Social Worker I spoke to wanted to speak to my doctor, so have given her permission (not that I felt I had much choice!) and I am phoning back tomorrow.

But the thing is, I don't really understand what is going on! I am terrified they are going to take ds away, even though he wasn't even anywhere near us (he was upstairs in bed) and I really don't understand what she wants to talk to my doctor for.

now I am so frightened because she is going to find out I have asked for councelling, and that I have a history of depression.

I have got a baby coming in 13 weeks, even if they don't take my ds away I will never be left alone by them because I had PND with ds.

this is the worst thing that could have happened to me, I am irrationally scared of the social services, my mum usedf to threaten me with them as a child. I have had night mares about them ever since ds was born and now it's all coming true.

If they take my boy away I don't want to live any more

OP posts:

Report

Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:32

Why would they take you ds away? they came becasue your p was beign violent.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:34

and ss are jsut checking up that nothing bad has happened to ds/you by your p.

mummytosteven · 11/01/2006 23:34

oh Colditz FWIW I really don't think your mental health history is going to be here or there. So many people have counselling/PND, SS just aren't going to have the resources to be on your back just for that reason. You may well have your HV visit you more regularly than you might wish - that's what happened to me after I got depressed when I was PG. I don't know enough about SS and DV to really usefully comment, but maybe it's police policy to inform SS these days in case children are involved?

Mytwopenceworth · 11/01/2006 23:35

I am sure it is nothing to worry about but is there anyone who can be with you when you phone them back? It is not Social Services job to take kids away from loving homes, but to support parents. Perhaps they just want to make sure you are ok.

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:35

The police came because p was being violent, but they contacted Ss because ds lives there too, and the letter I have had is from the children's access service, and why would the SW want to talk to my doctor if not to nose in my medical recordss

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Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:36

incase ds has been reported for violence.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:36

incase ds has been reported for violence.

Mytwopenceworth · 11/01/2006 23:36

It is more likely they want to assess his risk to the children - and to check how many injuries you have sustained that could be due to him.

mummytosteven · 11/01/2006 23:36

I was, to put it bluntly, a complete and utter fruitloop with OCD/Depression when PG (allowed to get out of control by GP who refused to refer me to psych or prescribe ADs). There was no question of any sort of involvement by social services.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:36

sorry incase p has been reported for vilonce against ds

VeniVidiVickiQV · 11/01/2006 23:38

Dont panic colditz.

They are on your side on this. Even if you dont press charges or even make a statement for a DV it will be followed up. And quite rightly so, for your safety, and that of your children.

Dont worry, im sure it will be fine

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:39

But my doctor isn't his doctor, and now I am really scared, I am really clumsy and broke my arm 4 years ago, electricuted myself 2 years ago, I called an ambulance out for ds when he was just two with a nosebleed, I think he had rolled out of bed, but will they believe that?

they could make so much of so little if they wanted to.

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Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:40

your doctor is your sons doctor?

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:41

They aren't on my side, they are on ds's side, and if they decise I am not on the same side, what will happen.

I am juast hysterical, I have been ever since getting this letter, it was like y woerld blew apart at the seams.

that is the last time I ever ever call the police again

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gigglinggoblin · 11/01/2006 23:41

i have seen ss loads of times, evil x mil went through a phase of reporting me for abusing my boys every day (sometimes twice a day!). as it was all lies they came and saw me and eventually told her to sod off and leave them alone. i had raging pnd with ds1, was well documented and they have never suggested they will take my chidren away. please dont worry, they are just doing their jobs, and that does not mean taking children away unnecessarily. if you are worried call them back and talk to them, they are usually very nice

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:42

not p's doctor, he is ds's doctor.

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Beetrootfultoyourself · 11/01/2006 23:42

you have done nothing wrong. don't panic. it will be fine. They are not going to take ds away. They are making sure everything is okay.

colditz · 11/01/2006 23:54

The thing is, i feel I cope fine, and that ds is happy, but will they see it that way?

I mean, he often doesn't get up until nearly 11 am, and a lot of people know this, but it's just the way he is. will they see that as a sign of neglect? That I don't wake him to give him breakfast?

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Pollyanna · 11/01/2006 23:54

It is a routine check - the police have to report all incidents to Social Services and then Social Services will check places like your doctor and ds's school. They will probably also want to visit you and speak to you. They will not want to take your child away from you - they usually do all they can to avoid doing that. Even if they have concerns because of your pnd (and I can't believe they would), they would want to help you, not take your child away. Taking a child away is a last resort. I'm sure someone else with more experience of this can reassure you soon, but i hope this helps.

saadia · 12/01/2006 00:02

Try not to panic I know this must be your worst nightmare but you have done nothing wrong.

Accidents happen all the time and all children roll off the bed at some time, everyone has a story about things like that. PND is very common. All kids have illnesses. Even if these things are on your record there is nothing unusual there. The fact that you have asked for counselling will surely show that you want to deal with your problems and are responsible.

You called the police because of your partner, this should not put you under suspicion of any kind and there is no way your ds could be thought to be at risk. I know you will worry till this is cleared up, but as others have said it is just routine procedure on their part.

hunkermunker · 12/01/2006 00:06

Colditz, SS don't take children away unless they possibly can help it. They will not be taking DS away. Honestly, I promise you.

Postnatal depression is NOT a reason to take a child away. It is a reason for you to have extra support. A DV incident is a reason for the SS to be interested in your DS's homelife - simply because of the high profile cases lately where they should have been paying more attention.

But honestly, they will not not not be taking DS away or interfering when the new baby arrives.

I realise how scary this is for you, especially since your mum used to threaten you with SS when you were little - that kind of thing stays with you, doesn't it? But please, sweetheart, don't fret. It will be OK.

Lots of love - feel free to CAT me if you want more info from a proper children's social worker about what this is likely to be about - I know one very well.

BadgerBadger · 12/01/2006 00:25

Colditz, do you have a local Surestart? They might have a family support team who can advise you on this or who could help you to liase with the SS.

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Beetrootfultoyourself · 12/01/2006 10:32

have you spoken to anyone??

ggglimpopo · 12/01/2006 10:44

Message withdrawn

colditz · 12/01/2006 10:58

Have spoken to the duty SW again (different one)

He reassured me a bit, stressing that nobody was seeking to punish me and that the point of their contact was to be supportive. He explained that they had wanted my doctor to contact my health visiter, as that is who is supposed to visit me (not for the last year though!)

He said that I sounded quite in control of the situation, also that they had been misinformed by the police that my child was present in the room and witnessed the event, but they would take my word for it that this was untrue given the recorded time of the incident (2am!).

He said he would phone me back to tell me what the hv has said, and would probably take no further action.

So I am very very relieved.

Thank you to everyone who popped ohnto this thread to support me with this, I was very upset last night but have managed to get a bit of perspective on it with your help

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