I'm sad I didn't try for any more children

[yappity]

Just wanted to post this as feeling a bit sad tonight. I am blessed with a fantastic dc but I wish I had tried for more before I was too old and it was too late. Lots of good reasons for not doing so at the time seem very unimportant now

Hope this helps someone else who is on the fence before it is too late

If you are happily one and done that is a different matter but I think I was just scared and it never felt like the right time. Both of these things could have been overcome with a bit more courage I think!

[Chatnel36]

I am on the fence. I am turning 40 next year and think I will be too old to handle a newborn and my 3 year old.

[flapjackfairy]

What ! 40 is nothing ! You are still young and lots of women these days don't start until they are in their 40s.
And yappity I am sorry for your regrets . It is hard to make the right decisions and hindsight is a wonderful thing . But who is to say whether it would be been a bad move to have more kids if you felt it was not for you at the time ?
I think growing older causes us to reflect on decisions made and what is important at the end of the day and I think that there will always be regrets of one form or another . X

[alwayscrashinginthesamecar1]

I have no regrets at all. I planned to have three but only had one, and it was the right decision for our family.

[yappity]

Glad you have no regrets .. wish I didn't...

Will make the best of it though. As you say could have been a bad thing having more

[yappity]

And yes 40 is nothing

[flapjackfairy]

Would fostering or adoption be an option ? Not for everyone I know but lots of adopters are older.
I am a foster carer and adopter myself and I have a 4yr old adopted son and I am nearly 54. I love being a mum and am not ready to give up on having children to nurture just yet.
If you feel you have room in your heart and enough energy then it could be a good move.

[yappity]

That might be an option flapjack..

I could still technically conceive naturally possibly although it's unlikely

I do feel like I have more to give..

[yappity]

And yes hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing!

[yappity]

Feeling less sad today .. counting my blessings

[yappity]

Chatnet good luck with whatever you decide

[yappity]

Back to feeling sad again tonight ... any advice?

[flapjackfairy]

What does your partner think ? If you are young enough to conceive then what is holding you back from trying ?
If it is an itch that won't go away then I would explore whether there is a way to scratch it !

[Monday55]

How old are you OP? You could look into other options like adoption or foster caring.

[Redskyandrainbows67]

I would use the ‘sad’ feeling to effect change - act on it rather than internalize it

Thank you for your op though I’m wondering about a 3rd child and know I will regret it if I don’t but there are lots of very good reasons I’m not having one yet

[gladstonefive]

Come take my five the day. I guarantee you will change your mind 😂

[yappity]

Lol Gladstone

And sorry redsky.. keep me posted on what you decide!

[Redskyandrainbows67]

Thanks op. Sadly I don’t think it’ll be my decision - it’ll be my husbands which may be very hard to accept

[yappity]

Yes dh's opinion obviously matters

My dh would have tried years ago if I had wanted to ( which I didn't then) but feels we are too old now.. which I think we probably are

Good luck!

[Lndnmummy]

This was me a year or so ago and finally I took the plunge when I was 39 and my dc 6. My second ds is 4 mnths now and it’s been incredibly tough. I spent the first 10 weeks in despair regretting it. I love them both now and we are so happy we took the plunge. But we were happy as a 3 too and we were no less of a family unit with one child.

[yappity]

Thanks lndnmummy

Glad it's worked out well for you. I think I will always have that niggling what if feeling

Wish I had just gone for it too like you did

[IceTippedMountains]

I sometimes still regret I only had the one child. I was nearly 37 when I had DD.

I thought one child would be enough (I had an extremely difficult birth, DD was a difficult baby / toddler) and it was for the first 3 years, however when DD was three/four I started to crave a second. I talked my self out of it because we relocated 200 miles away from my parents, I had just started a new job, DH was unemployed and we were effectively skint, plus DD had just started school and I was early 40s.

This was over 15 years ago (DD is nearly 20). I am extremely happy with having an only child, and the craving for a second started to decline as DD got more independence. But I have still wondered about the what ifs. I can't change the past, and I know there would have been cons if I did have a 2nd child, especially in regards to our finances.

[yappity]

That it icetipped .. having another could have been awful

I try and remind myself of my very good reasons at the time but it is hard

[Fivefootoffun]

@icetippedmountains - is it ok to ask how your dd feels about not having siblings? Has it been something she’s longed for?

I have one dd and for reasons which sound similar to yours I don’t think we will have any more.

Thanks for sharing your experiences Yappity.

[earlgreymarl]

I have been thinking about this tonight. Ds is 6, I am 36 and we just couldn't get pg with second, despite some investigations and treatment. We resolved to give up as it was taking strain and emotionally difficult after trying for years, but I still feel sad and would want another, however DH does not and I feel like he never really understood my heartache, sadness and now impending regret.

Really don't know what to do!

[yappity]

Hi earlgrey sorry to hear of your difficulties ttc. We haven't even ttc so I don't know whether or not we would have had problems but I'm now almost 42 and dh thinks that is too old to try which I probably agree with

Also life is easier now dc is older ( same age as yours)

I wish I had known that I would feel like this 3 years ago and I would have got on with it but at the time it was very hard and I couldn't contemplate a baby

Of course what I had failed to appreciate then is that the baby years don't last forever and how wonderful they grow up to become