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Due date sadness

(28 Posts)
Georgia94 Mon 02-Oct-17 11:41:56

My due date is approaching and I am finding it incredibly difficult. I found i was coping with it as well as i could a few months before the due date. But now the due date is approaching i am finding it incredibly difficult. I am a sensitive person to start with, but at the moment I am taking everything to heart. Nothing i do is good enough. Put myself down a lot. I feel it is my fault why the baby miscarried. I cannot seem to forgive myself and feel like i have done something wrong. Everything feels flared up for me at the moment.
My fiancé works away and I have moments of struggle when i am alone.

MotherofKitties Mon 02-Oct-17 11:55:06

It's not your fault, as horrible as it is these things unfortunately happen. Be kind to yourself and try to do something nice and look after yourself.

It's a sad time but you'll get through it. Sending you big hugs flowers

Georgia94 Mon 02-Oct-17 12:24:41

Thank you xx

Georgia94 Mon 02-Oct-17 12:25:04

Is there anything i could do to make myself feel better?? Xx

PaulaMidds Mon 02-Oct-17 18:16:56

Hi Georgia94,

We are in similar positions re: fiance working away a lot. It's tough to do this alone or over the phone. My due date would have been October 13th 2017 and I am up and down. Tired, tearful, angry, listless at times, but mostly I just miss my baby. It comes and goes.

I know you're looking for advice on making yourself feel better, maybe sharing what I'm doing will help?

To make myself feel better I've been trying to eat well, but allowing myself to go out and buy things like chocolate brownie ice cream, flamin' hot monster munch, pepsi; things I don't usually have in the house. For the next couple of weeks I've given myself permission to 'eat my feelings'.

We bought a candle and a hurricane jar when we lost our baby and although that candle burned out a few weeks ago, we've replaced it with another and light it whenever one of us is thinking of him. It isn't lit everyday, just the days when we need the comfort that little light brings.

Somebody in another thread wrote about how the time before the due date felt more familiar to her because it's the time she would have been pregnant. After her due date passed, her baby was then 'in the past' and that's what made it such a difficult date for her.

There are definitely elements of that true for me and I find it kind of consoling to think about. Maybe you will too? I don't want him to be in the past, but I do want to move forwards.

Thinking of you at this difficult time xxx

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 13:32:51

Thank you so much for sharing all of that with me. It is so comforting to know there are other women in the same position as me and it feels very good to know smile

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 18:57:49

I am a sensitive person to start with. But at the moment I am incredibly, incredibly sensitive. Someone can say something to me so minor that I would usually brush off. But at the moment, O want to cry at any little thing that touches a nerve because I am even more sensitive at the moment. It always comes back to me feeling like i am not good enough and that i feel I am bad at everything. Is this normal?? What can I do to help myself???confused

Mrsbaz2015 Tue 03-Oct-17 19:26:05

I'm coming up to the year anniversary of losing my little one last October, it's my last first time....the first times are always the worst. A friend said to me that had previously lost that its always the week/day before the anniversary is the worst. I'm not sure why but it was true for me. You will never ever forget but it does get easier. This is going to be hard this year especially as 5 days after the first anniversary I'm expecting my rainbow baby. It's a very bittersweet time but I look at this a beautiful gift from my little angel. If you find you need someone to talk too, sands does wonders to help. Biggest hugs at this awful time. Xxxx

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 19:57:55

Thank you. And who is Sands please? smile Can you relate at all with the sensitivity??

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 19:58:33

Big hugs to you too xx

Cantchooseaname Tue 03-Oct-17 20:10:14

I was a wreck. It didn't help that it was a fairly early loss- 8 weeks- and my husband had no idea that it was due date. Until I completely lost it one day.i hadn't told friends/ family that I was pregnant, or that it had ended.
I knew I would struggle on the day- I gave myself permission to phone in sick, and had a day to myself to do the things I find comforting. I went for a walk by a river, and stood on the bridge watching water go by. I had cake. I cried. I accepted that my grief was real, and that it was ok to allow myself to feel the hurt, and not be ok. I found the anniversary of the miscarriage hard too. 2 years soon. I'm kind of ok with it. I have a very precious dd now, and hug her a little tighter sometimes.
Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself.

Bluerose27 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:14:00

I organised a holiday so as not to be in the country around the time. But that's not possible for everyone I'm sure xx

KoolKoala07 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:20:48

My due date is coming up. I'm dreading it. Not many people knew but I doubt anyone but me will remember. I find it hardest when I see or hear people say 'I'm 36 weeks pregnant' because all I can think is that would have been me. sad

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:23:43

Thank you for sharing all of that with me. smile big hugs xxx

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:24:31

I wish i was on holiday all of the time. That is all i ever think of. And i wish so much that i could be.

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:25:36

Dud you find yourself being overly sensitive near the date the baby was due??

MelbourneClown03 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:27:50

It’s so very, very hard.

I allowed myself to feel sad. I spent time before working on ‘moving on’ but on my due date I let the sorrow wash over me, think of my little one and how loved they already were. I think accepting that the next few weeks may well be just as hard as the initial miscarriage and not having any expectations on how you’ll cope helps. Grieve, feel heartbroken and weep if you need to, it part of the healing process.

Bluerose27 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:46:37

I had the worst time about 6/7 weeks before the due date , three friends had babies one day after the other - three announcements three days in a row.

I had a bit of a "break down" and spent that whole week crying pretty much. Or wanting to. My husband gave me something to calm me down - not 100% sure it's a legal substance. (I knew what it was). That calmed me down completely, along with all the crying and being comforted by DH. By the time my due date came along I was feeling stronger.

My due date was just after Christmas though so I was able to concentrate on that. If it had been a random non-day I couldn't have done the same thing

Cracklesfire Tue 03-Oct-17 20:52:28

Take the time and grieve. It's an awful situation but it's absolutely not your fault. Maybe take a bit of time for yourself... i used to go walking at dawn just to get a bit of quiet and space and get outside of my head for a while. I remember one of the girls in our office had a similar due date so I really struggled when she was going off on mat leave thinking that could've been me.

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 20:59:00

This is all helping me girls. Thank you smilexxx sending big hugs xxx

MelbourneClown03 Tue 03-Oct-17 21:03:00

The ‘it should have been me’ has been so hard to deal with. Watching women with similar due dates go on maternity leave, have their babies and see them enjoying their babies.

Georgia94 Tue 03-Oct-17 21:05:26

Yes that is a hard thing for sure.

Mrsbaz2015 Wed 04-Oct-17 13:14:01

Sands is a baby loss charity and really helps a lot of people...... www.uk-sands.org/ this is website. They may have one near you. Yes I was so sensitive, so many people were so unsure what to say. My best friend even said at least it wasn't a real person....erm...I was I nearly 20 weeks pregnant...it felt pretty real to me! Some people just don't know what to say. That's there problem not your's. You grieve and give yourself time xxxx

Georgia94 Wed 04-Oct-17 13:24:20

Thank you for that site smile
Yeah i get the feeling that people don't know what to say at times. And I kind of feel as though no-one understands at times. Which is fair enough. We all cannot understand everything. But yes i am very sensitive but i am starting to distinguish when it is happening. But still very hard.

Mrsbaz2015 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:03:26

It's actually very scary how many people have gone through what we have. The more I spoke to people the more they came forward...I felt like I was in this really awful secret society and no one could possibly understand...some people really do! I had wonderful friends helping me. Find your people and talking is the best thing you can do. Don't bottle anything up. Xxxx

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