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First pregnancy results in miscarriage

(28 Posts)
Jolo81 Sat 09-Jul-16 09:42:01

I'm heartbroken.
At 11weeks, I've had a miscarriage. We got pregnant so easily, we felt so lucky. I've had no symptoms other than sore breast and tiredness. My midwife assured me this was normal. I feel frustration at her now in retrospect, but she said the right thing at the time. She wouldn't have know it wasn't going to work out.
Monday morning, week 11 to the day I woke up with period pains. I wiped away blood and called the early pregnancy unit. The earliest appointment was the following afternoon. Monday the blood eased off until teatime, where I saw clotting and my heart sank. I went to A&E, but as I wasn't dying, I was sent home carrying more anxiety from the very matter of fact male doctor.
My partner and I went for the scan with managed expectations. More blood had passed and we knew only a miracle would saves us. I pictured our dating scan day, every single day since finding out. I've counted down the days and hours and here it was, 1 week earlier and not the dream situation I had wanted. Here, we were looking at our little peanut without a heartbeat. The first creation of my partner and I and it couldn't survive.
I couldn't get an appointment for management until 3 days later by which time I passed it naturally. Monday I was pregnant, Wednesday I wasn't. It all happened so quickly.
I'm trying not to work out dates of where the little heartbeat stopped, what I might have done. I know that it's common and something this time just didn't spark. I think I'm ok, but I get waves of grief. I want to move on but I don't to forget. The thing I'm finding the hardest is the fact that it was our first time and it's ended so badly. I'm worried that it won't happen again for, and that there is something wrong when our genes meet. I'm an anxious person which doesn't help. The reason I've joined is to find some positive stories and for some hope that people have had a similar experience and found their rainbow baby.

Sophiehfz2805 Sat 09-Jul-16 14:32:57

Im so sorry to hear about this. Its so heartbreaking sadflowers my prayers are with you at this moment of time. Just over a month ago i miscarried at 19+1 day pregnant sad was heartbreaking having to deliver baby. He's buried now and i visit him as much as i can. Now just finished my first period and starting to TTC. i was a FTM also, was the first time i got pregnant me and my hubby were so excited. Just makes me upset realising what it would've been like now. I hope hope hope everything goes well for you, relax and take care of yourself. Never overthink. Just remember that your baby is a angel. And hopefully you have many more in future xx stay strong

Jolo81 Sat 09-Jul-16 18:06:44

Thank you for your kind words. It must have been awful for you.
What is the percentage of women who go on to have a healthy baby? Is it high? I've heard its common X

PotteringAlong Sat 09-Jul-16 18:11:33

Official figures are that between 15% - 25% of all recognised pregnancies will end in miscarriage so yes, it is very common. It seems less so because people tend not to talk about it.

The vast majority of people who have a miscarriage will go onto have / have already had healthy children.

Please don't be frustrated at your midwife; she was right, your symptoms were normal. She could not have predicted oh.

Wolfiefan Sat 09-Jul-16 18:16:38

Every pg is different. Whether you suffer morning sickness, sore breasts etc doesn't indicate at all whether it will be a successful pg. unfortunately no one can tell.
My first pg ended in a mmc. Had a scan at over 13 weeks. No heartbeat. Beyond devastated. Really did think there was a possibility I would never have children. Dark times.
I went on to have two children. I think there was something wrong with that first pg. I don't have any hard evidence but don't think there was anything anyone could have done.
Be kind to yourself.

Jolo81 Sat 09-Jul-16 18:51:42

Thanks guys. The midwife was great, I can't fault her. I must have had intuition that something wasn't right. The last 2 weeks I was having nightmares almost every night, waking up with heart palpitations
Thanks for you kind words. I am being kind to myself... My bin is full of cream cake boxes and evidence of of that lol!

Paige84 Sat 09-Jul-16 19:46:37

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My first pregnancy ended when my waters broke a few days before 4 months. I'd had a perfect scan the day before and had been listening to her beautiful heartbeat that day with a little home doppler. I was and still am, completely devastated (it happened 3 months ago). I know your original post related to further pregnancies and I have no info there yet but wanted to share because as others have said, these terrible things are sadly more common than we realise because it's not often discussed.
I'm only just beginning to think about ttc again and after researching like a loon, I am quietly hopeful that we can go on to have a successful beautiful pregnancy and baby.
I hope you're having a restful weekend. Sending warm thoughts while you find your way through this time x

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass Sat 09-Jul-16 20:23:03

OP I'm really sorry you've had to go through this.

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage too. I found it really difficult to accept and drove myself a little crazy trying to work out what I did or didn't do to make things go wrong. Nothing. I didn't do anything. Unfortunately miscarriages a far more common than many people realise. I read and read and read about them and took great comfort in the knowledge that the vast majority of first trimester miscarriages happen because the feotus wasn't healthy in some way, usually a genetic
abnormality of some sort. It's only now that

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass Sat 09-Jul-16 20:38:39

Sorry Didn't mean to click send.

It's only now that I realise that actually it's the kinder thing to happen (for lack of better words) if the pregnancy wasn't healthy then it stopped any future suffering if that makes sense?

Anyway about 6 weeks after I miscarriage started I was very very sick and wound up in A&E severely dehydrated and the nurse asked extremely casually 'where are you having your baby?' It turns out I had conceived just a mere 2 weeks after the miscarriage had started. This pregnancy resulted in my beautiful (now 2yo ) DS.

Unfortunately I had another miscarriage after DS. The heart stopped beating just a day after an early scan showing a perfectly beating heart. This miscarriage was a little complicated ( the pregnancy got stuck in the neck of my womb causing painful contractions and huge blood loss) but I conceived again shortly afterwards (one month this time) and that pregnancy resulted in my lovely DS2 who swatted his hand at my phone and clicked send half way through my post a few moments ago.

Honestly OP a complication free miscarriage will not affect any future pregnancy so please don't worry about that. Easier said than done I know.

Your symptoms didn't indicate that anything was wrong so please try not to torture yourself with that either. Pregnancy differs dramatically from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy.

Im not sure wether I've been helpful or not, i think I'm just waffling on now aren't I? Look after yourself and enjoy those cream cakes OP. Unmumsnetty hugs to you too flowerscake X

Lilly948204 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:21:07

Hi Jolo, I have also recently experienced this. First pregnancy, got pregnant very quickly. We went for an early private scan as dating scan was a week before our wedding and we wanted some early reassurance. Things didn't look right, but dates could have been slightly out. It wasn't until 10 weeks that I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage, body gave no sign anything was wrong- I was getting really strong symptoms until the end. I had medical management last week as they were worried about infection, I don't think I would have known anything was wrong until my dating scan if we hadn't been for the early one. The lovely doctor in the hospital said 40% of the pregnancies they see end in miscarriage, it is so cazily common and feels so horrendously unfair. I'm just at the stage where thankfully the bleeding seems to have stopped. Feel like I can start to move on now. Hopefully we will start to try again soon. If you would like any more support the baby centre (.co.uk) website has a brilliant coping with miscarriage board. The people on there have got me through this experience.

FlyingSpaghettiM0nster Sun 10-Jul-16 17:31:30

I've lost both my pregnancies so far so I would also like some positive stories sad

Snowflakes1122 Sun 10-Jul-16 17:58:59

I'm so sorry :-(

Currently going through similar. I was 11 weeks last week, and went for a private scan to be told baby has died measuring 11 weeks. Must have just happened. No symptoms just waiting for Medical Managemebt.

Such a terrible shock isn't it?

It sounds like you got pregnant no problems, so hopefully when you feel ready to start trying again it'll happen quickly again for you.

I've been reading stats after stats and you have a good chance of conceiving in the first 3 months following miscarriage.

765 tried within three months - and 77% of them gave birth to a live baby. These figures reassured me. There is hope.

Just look after yourself and take the vitamins tong your body ready for when you start trying again.

littlepooch Sun 10-Jul-16 23:18:45

I'm so sorry. I've had 3 miscarriages but conceived our DD straight after our second one. I found out I was pregnant again 4 weeks after the MC. I was so so worried I'd never fall pregnant as it has taken us a year to conceive, but I did. Honestly the odds in you having a healthy pregnancy are in your favour. My local hospital told me that anecdotally they had seen a lot of women fall pregnant quickly after a miscarriage and so said if I felt ready to try again then I should.
I've sadly just suffered a third MC but I am trying to stay positive and hope that I will have a sibling for my daughter soon.

flowers from me x

sandy30 Mon 11-Jul-16 00:31:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my first baby at the same stage and I will never forget that still ultrasound screen.

The odds are overwhelmingly in favour of you having a healthy pregnancy in the fairly near future. I had a second miscarriage, and then a third pregnancy which resulted in my take-home baby. Several friends have also had two or even three losses in a row (a mixture of miscarriages and ectopics) and all had one or more live children within a couple of years. (The likelihood is that next time will be fine for you. But I was terrified when my next time wasn't fine when everyone said it would be, and I wish I had known how likely it was that it would all be okay in the end.)

Given you got pregnant so fast with your first, the likelihood is that everything is working well and you really were just unlucky. Miscarriage is THE most common pregnancy complication - you're not alone.

LBOCS2 Mon 11-Jul-16 00:42:00

I had three miscarriages followed by a healthy DD1 and three years later, a healthy DD2. We had testing done following the third, but there seemed to be no particular reason for it, it was just 'one of those things'.

The thing to remember is that every time you conceive, you still have a far greater chance of having a healthy pregnancy and a baby at the end of it than you do a miscarriage. The odds are still in your favour.

Good luck.

hopeandsunshine123 Mon 11-Jul-16 15:36:53

Hi there,

Currently having a miscarriage. I tested positive last week and i worked out around 5 weeks today.

Feels rather trivial as it was so early on. But pain is still real. I'm going in for more bloods and internal scan tomorrow. But they are pretty sure it's a non viable pregnancy.

This was our second pregnancy, we have a daughter. I know it wasn't a fully formed fetus, but I still feel it's a huge loss? I'm just so sad. I know that's probably the hormones going mad.

Just got myself a cream cake too. How are you feeling? Xx

melsw Mon 11-Jul-16 18:13:21

Hi ladies,
I hope you don't mind me joining in. I haven't got any questions as such, just wanted to find some like minded people to chat too.
Firstly, how horrible is it that we find ourselves posting on this thread 😢
I found out I'd had a missed miscarriage at our 12 week scan for our first baby 3 weeks ago. It was a complete shock as I'd not had any bleeding, pain etc. I measured 5 weeks instead of 12. This was the day before we went on holiday to Greece. I panicked in case I started bleeding over there but was actually fine and the change of scenery helped us a bit. When we got back, I decided to have the ERPC procedure as despite a little bleeding, it didn't seem like my body was going to miscarry naturally anytime soon and I didn't want to be stuck in limbo. I was so nervous about the procedure but actually that was the easiest part as it was so quick and painless. I had that done last Tuesday and the day after I felt such a sense of relief and actually thought I was ok. Since then I've been fine physically; emotionally I am up and down. Some moments I feel fine and excited and positive about trying again; other times I just break down in tears. I want to start TTC again but it's going to feel like forever for my periods to return to normal I think!
Sorry for the essay, I just wanted to share my experience to let others know they are not alone as I know it's helped me reading stories from other ladies going through this tough time. I cannot praise our local NHS enough, they have been so understanding and supportive during a very distressing time.
Xx

AnUtterIdiot Tue 12-Jul-16 10:06:39

Same for me. First pregnancy earlier this year. Saw a heartbeat at the obviously not terribly accurately named early reassurance scan at 7 weeks. Scan at 12 weeks showed that baby had died a few days after the early reassurance scan. Booked in for surgery, miscarried at home the night before.

Aftermath: I spotted to a greater or lesser extent until my next period about 4 weeks later and then the spotting stopped altogether. We're now trying again.

Seeing it on the ultrasound was very sad, even though I was prepared for it.

I'm really sorry, OP. Of course you are heartbroken. I thought I would be very matter of fact about it, especially once I'd actually had the physical miscarriage, but it hit me like a train and I still have pockets of deep sadness two months on. It does get better though. And since having mine I have discovered that the majority of women I've met have had a miscarriage, including those with one or more healthy children. We're not alone. flowers

hopeandsunshine123 Tue 12-Jul-16 11:05:10

I'm just waiting for my internal scan. My bleeding has lasted just over a day which I'm a bit worried about. But hopefully they will check today it's all gone.

Anyone else really struggling with the physical symptoms? I still feel queasy, crampy and sore/heavy boobs. I would like to feel less pregnant now so I can start heal.

We were trying for a baby, and I think if we have learnt anything we really really want baby number 2.

Hipe you are all being kind to yourselves. I treated myself to some pretty flowers and fave foods! Xx

sandy30 Tue 12-Jul-16 21:22:07

Glad you are being kind to yourself, Hope. I think my physical symptoms started fading before I even bled, but a friend's took a lot longer so it seems it can vary a lot. Hopefully not too long until your symptoms start to go.

Best of luck for the future. Hope you're holding a wee bundle very soon xxx

Jadech Tue 12-Jul-16 21:23:05

I am so glad I've come across this post, I'm so sorry for everyone's loss.

I found out 2 weeks ago I had a mmc was almost 12 weeks pg and was looking forward to my first scan which should of been last Tuesday. I started having brown spotting, went to the doctors booked me for a scan for 2 days later I couldn't bear to wait to see my fate so I booked a private scan the next morning which confirmed baby stopped growing st 9+2 weeks. I was booked for a surgical procedure for last Tuesday (same day my 12 week scan was meant to be) Sunday I was rushed in to A&E in an ambulance as the blood was so heavy. Thought I had passed it all but still needed the procedure. The actual procedure is so quick and painless which is good for anyone anxious as I was.

I feel that my emotions are all over the place, i just want to cry all the time. I feel robbed and I'm struggling being back at work last time I was there I was pregnant and was counting down until Mat leave and now it's all changed. Im scared I won't get pregnant again, if I do that I will lose it again and that I won't enjoy it one bit for worry.

I feel like having sex with partner is just to get pregnant again which means I'm not enjoying it. I also feel like I've let my husband down he longed for a baby as much as me and was so excited and I feel like a failure ( he doesn't think this or make me feel this way)

Good to see some positive outcomes the next time round tho

X

melsw Tue 12-Jul-16 22:38:54

You took the words out of my mouth Jadech.

Whilst you're told to wait for the all important 12 week scan, it was hard not to get carried away thinking about the future, particularly as I had no miscarriage symptoms. I too was thinking when I'd be on maternity leave (just in time for Christmas) and now that's all gone.
My biggest sadness is not for the baby we have lost - as harsh as it may sound it hadn't got to the stage of being a baby when it stopped developing and we hadn't got a scan picture to get attached to - it's trying again and having faith that it will work out next time.
Personally I'm in the mood to have some non baby making sex to feel close to my husband but I'm still bleeding after my op last week.
Stay positive everyone, I'm trying but it's bloody tough some days.
Xx

Nousername2015 Wed 13-Jul-16 07:48:21

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses, those of you going through it now - be kind to yourselves.

Just wanted to add my story. My first pregnancy ended in mmc on March last year. I had a scan at 7 weeks due to a bit of spotting and we saw a heartbeat and baby measuring ok for dates. Thought we were in the clear so started to tell some family. My nan died when I was 9 weeks and I started bleeding at her funeral. Managed to have a scan the next day at 11+5 where they told me the baby had died at around the 9 week mark. Opted for medical management which ended in a stuck placenta, blood loss and overnight stay in hospital.
Period came back 5 weeks later and I got another positive test a couple of weeks after that. I won't lie, I lost all confidence in my body and was convinced that I couldn't carry a live baby to term. My pregnancy was textbook and problem free, bar my anxieties, and my ds turned 6 months old yesterday. Knowing what I know now it is likely that there was something very wrong with my first baby.

Don't lose hope, having hope is very important. flowers

Graceymac Wed 13-Jul-16 07:59:21

I am so sorry that you have gone through this. My first pregnancy ended the same way at 12 was despite having an early dating scan that was normal. I went onto have 5 M/Cs in total but in between those I also managed to have 3 very healthy dds who are full of beans and now aged 4,6 & 7 yrs old. I had 2 mcs before my first baby, 2 after and one in between dd 2 & 3. I thought that I would never be a mother and now look at me, a house full of crazy girlies. The mcs almost feel that they happened in a different lifetime. I was very distraut at the time. I feel I was always meant to have my dds and not any others, It just took them a while to get here 🙂

melsw Wed 13-Jul-16 18:18:05

Thanks for all the good news stories ladies - it's so important to have that positivity to hold onto! X

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