MMC followed by stillbirth, will it happen for me?

[gingerbreadmanm]

Hi

Brief rundown my first pregnancy was an mmc discovered at 9 weeks and finished at 14 weeks (never mc'd so needed intervention with medical management then erpc).

I was lucky enough to fall pregnant again first cycle after erpc. At the 20 week scan issues were discovered with my sons development (diagnosed at post mortem as PFFD). He died somewhere around 24 weeks although i hadn't realised and it was discovered at a follow up scan at 27 weeks. Lucas was born in july last year.

I've not had the confidence to ttc again yet but it's ok my mind. I thought with time i would forget how horrible it was and it would make it easier when i felt ready but just lately i'm starting to realise the fear is getting even worse.

Has anyone been through similar and had a happy ending without any intervention?

The anniversary of everything with Lucas is approaching and if anything i feel like i am getting worse emotionally.

I am now wondering if too much time is a bad thing and if i need to think about biting the bullet?

[movingforwardagain]

Hi ginger. I don't have a happy ending to share but I want you to know you are not alone. My first pregnancy was a MMC and then we struggled to conceive over the next few years and ended up going through IVF. After a few goes, we were delighted to finally fall pregnant. However, like you, we discovered abnormalities at the 20 week scan. Our gorgeous boy was born at full term and fought to stay with us for 5 weeks. We then miraculously conceived our rainbow twins a few weeks ago and I now find myself going through the ordeal of yet another MMC and my heart is broken once more. Sometimes I wonder whether it was the right thing to TTC a few months after such heart ache. But then what if the MMC hadn't happened ... I believe this could have helped me through my grief. I can't give up on the thought of that happy ending yet. Wishing you well.

[gingerbreadmanm]

Thank you for your response moving that is so heartbreaking. I'm very sorry for all of your losses. Hope you are managing ok.

What are your thoughts on trying again?

In my pregnancy with lucas they saw an amniotic band. I dont think its what caused his condition but i often wonder if it was linked and if that was an after effect of the erpc as i am sure i read somewhere that can happen. Was one of the reasons i was happy to wait in the hopes my body will heal properly this time and not have any further problems

I had an amnio with lucas and then the post mortem which showed nothing genetic. At first i really held onto that but over time my thoughts are changing.

I keep thinking what if i'm just not supposed to have kids or never will? Everytime i see a child any age i'm so envious.

I was in a public loo today and a woman and her daughter went in next door. I overheard the dd say no no dont lock the door and thought to myself her dm has obv always told her not to lock it incase it gets stuck and i just thought i really really want that. Its awful.

Do you think you will ttc anymore? I guess with your 3rd loss you would be eligible for investigations now if you have not already had them?

[movingforwardagain]

I understand the feeling of what if it never happens but, at this moment in time, there are no facts pushing us to that conclusion. Just a bucket load of bad luck. I need to see how this MMC pans out but my intention is to try again as soon as my body lets me. I know I'll never be 100% ready emotionally but that's a different matter ... I've spent too long on the mission to stop now right! What support would help you to come to the decision of going for it?

[gingerbreadmanm]

That's inspiring! I'm glad you feel that way and wish you all the luck in the world on your journey.

Hmm i don't know. Knowing if it was a mc or mmc it would be dealt with quickly and as trauma free as possible.

Knowing that another stillbirth would never happen. I guess that's a big one. As they never knew how lucas died.

Finding out if there is a problem sooner. A harmony test maybe (i know i could pay but £500 is a lot to spend when expecting or ttc). I would be reluctant to have an amnio again just incase that lead to lucas dying although i can appreciate with his problems it was likely for the best.

[Pinkheart5915]

I had a stillborn DD Emily in 2011, after that me and dh weren't ready to ttc again for a long time but the end of 2014 we started trying and last year I had my ds who now is a happy 8 month old.

I am pregnant again now and we are expecting a DD this time and I can't tell you how many times I worry history will repeat itself even after having ds that worry is still there.

My DH says surely lightening wouldn't be cruel enough to strike in the same place twice and I hope his right but no body will ever be able to tell me or you it definitely wouldn't happen again

[gingerbreadmanm]

Do you mind me asking how old you were pink.

Was there anything diagnosed with your dd emily?

I am so sorry for your loss. Very pleased you have gone on to have more children. Hope your most recent pregnancy is going well apart from the worry. Listen to your dh.

[Pinkheart5915]

I was 21 when Emily was born, they found no reason for what happened

[gingerbreadmanm]

Thanks for sharing. That must have been so difficult for you especially at such a young age.

Im not saying being older makes it easier to cope with but at least i have been naieve up.until recently.

I am 31 now and i feel like i need to get on with it incase i have any other problems.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Gingerbread & Moving I'm so sorry for both of your losses.

Gingerbread, I don't yet have a happy ending either, I had 4 chemical pregnancies each slightly later than the previous then a missed miscarriage last week my baby died at 7.5 weeks we found out at an early scan at 11 weeks, my ERPC failed so I'm going in for another tomorrow.
I feel utterly traumatised and heartbroken and unsure I want to try again. I can't go thro this again it will really break me.

I think you should do what is right for you, I've been offered counselling and I think I will accept it, right now I'm not in a good place.

[KittyandTeal]

Gingerbread you know my story so I won't go over it all again.

I know exactly how you are feeling.

We've decided that we won't be ttc again as is too much of a risk, T18 and the no known cause is too much for me. We are lucky to have the luxury of dd1. I'm sure my decision would have been differen if we didn't have her.

You are in my thoughts though. 💐

[gingerbreadmanm]

Oh kitty

Did you get your sons post mortem results?

I'm sorry you have come to that decision. Do you think you may change your mind in time? I suppose the choice is always there.

Thank you for sharing. You have been full of great advice through all of my wobbles and i really appreciate it.

[KittyandTeal]

Yes we did, no known cause which is what we expected.

Hospital policy is to but a next pregnancy plan in place. They have said weekly scans plus every test going. So that really did close the door on it for me.

I don't think we will change our minds. The option is there physically but we will be such high risk of trisomies and late loss I don't think I can do it mentally. It feels healthier to grieve, over come my ptsd and move forward as the three of us as a family with dd2 and ds with us in spirit.

I'm sure there are happy endings out there though. Xx

[gingerbreadmanm]

Are you hight risk for a trisomie due to your dd having one?

I'm sorry about your ds. I know you had expected that. I imagine that must be tough.

I know with lucas we got no cause of death but at least we knew he had pffd in a severe form so i can kind of think it may have been for the best even if it doenst feel it

At lucas's post mortem the consultant who dealt with us frm his diagnosis told us the change of pffd again is the same as any other woman (think there is only 10,000 cases in the world). They also said any future pregnancy would be treat like normal but i would have a 16 weeks scan and a 26week one (i think). That feels reassuring but her parting words were if i were to mc again then they would need to investigate.

You're family sounds just lovely. I know not what you had hoped for but lovely all the same. Are you being treated for your ptsd?

I start counselling again this week.

[KittyandTeal]

Yes higher risk for trisomies because dd2 had Edwards, the risk ramps up at 35 as well, I'll be 35 later this year.

They treated my pregnancy with ds fairly normally, I got extra scans for reassurance because of anxiety rather than a medical reason for the baby.

I'm having counselling for the PTSD, it seems that it will stop at some point but the treatment is to just keep talking, which is hard as it's the last thing I want to do (unlike me!)

I hope your counselling goes well, maybe it will help you formulate a decision or plan.

[gingerbreadmanm]

Oh i didn't know that. That's what's scaring me now too the age thing. I know 31 doesnt seem too old but what if i want more than 1? You kind of start feeling like there'll be something else with the next one.

I don't know much at all about this but would IVF be able to avoid those situations? I know obviously you will have thought of all options and come to the decision that is best for you but i do sometimes wonder if that is a possibility?

I hope counselling is helping you. I had mild ptsd after mmc which cleared up with counselling (i know what you have been through is much worse than that though).

It's lovely speaking to you again.

[Piratepete1]

We have come through the other side. 5 years of infertility followed by 3 losses before my DD and then another 3 losses (some early, some later on) for my DS. It was the most scary and sad time. I never got to enjoy pregnancy as I was so scared the whole time. I was also a very anxious mother for years as my babies were so precious to me. On the other hand it has made me a very good mother. I appreciate them so much and my anxiety has lessened a bit now they are 4 and 2. You will get there in the end I am sure.
I had the harmony test for peace of mind and it was well worth the money, plus you get to find out the sex at 12 weeks 😁

stay strong

[Piratepete1]

Also at my 12 week appointment I was referred each time to the mental health midwife. Every time I was too much for her and so was referred on to a psychologist who saw me throughout all my pregnancies and early months of being a mother. That support was vital. You do get help quickly when you are pregnant so take everything you are offered.

[KittyandTeal]

We could pay for ivf with genetic screening but we don't have the money, it also would address the higher risk of late loss with no reason.

My desire to have another doesn't outweigh the nightmare of ivf and anxiety of another pregnancy atm

[gingerbreadmanm]

Thanks for sharing pirate towie fan by any chance?

I did wonder whether my anxiety would be through the roof as a new mum. I guess the worry never ends.

It's greatto hear you had success. Did you have any intervention at all?

May be worth saving up for the harmony then. I know they are bringing in the nipt which is similar and wondered if i may be eligible due to my history?

kitty thanks for that. I appreciate you're not interested and we would be in your position too i'm sure but it's useful to know it is available.

[Piratepete1]

We had no intervention. No one could find out what was going wrong.

The best thing my psychologist said amid the sea of 'don't worry' etc. from everyone else is to do what helps you with your anxiety within reason. I took 6 months off work when pregnant with my DD and just looked after myself. I also had both my babies on Angelcare breathing monitors and that really helped.

[BeauGlacons]

Yes gingerbread I did have a happy ending:

Pg 1 - miscarried 17 weeks (they thought it was a failed placenta.

Pg 2 - about 6 weeks

Pg 3 - ds1 at 36 weeks - perfect

Pg 3 - MMC identified at 12 week scan

Pg 4 - ds2 by 27 weeks with a severe heart defect - he died shortly afterwards. (I just wanted to be pg again)

Pg 5 - miscarried at about 5 weeks

Pg 6 - dd born at 41.5 weeks, 51 weeks after Ds2. She was conceived against medical advice after an almighty argument about what we were prepared to go through for another child.

The children are 21 and 18 now. It was a hellish time but it did have a happy ending. I was almost 38 when DD was born. I rationalise it by telling myself that if it hadn't happened I wouldn't have the perfect children I have.

I am sorry for all who are going through this now. Eventually the pain dies fade, I promise x

[gingerbreadmanm]

Six months off sounds good!

I dont know what would make me feel better when pregnant again i suppose after the 12 week scan then hopefully a good scan at 16 weeks.

Wow beau you really had a tough time im so pleased of ur good outcome though that is reassuring.

You are all making me feel like gwtting back on the horse may well be worth itm

[BeauGlacons]

The hardest thing back then, and I really don't feel that old, is that there were no fora like this for questions and support. People just didn't talk about it and the early/mud 90s aren't that long ago.

[Piratepete1]

I did pay for lots of private reassurance scans which helped as well.

[Pinkheart5915]

I have been having lots of extra scans with ds last year and with this pregnancy, it does help a little with feeling scared of what could happen. I'm lucky though DH gets a good healthcare package paid for by his work which I'm included.

When pregnant with ds last year I am a dance teacher have my own studio so at 5 months pregnant I got myself some cover and gave up work just to look after myself for the last 4 months of pregnancy, this pregancny I'm still on maternity leave from last time so it worked out well.

When/If you choose to ttc again when you are pregnant you will get everyone saying don't worry and you will get sick of hearing those words but I think people genuinely don't know what to say on hearing about pregnancy after stillbirths and miscarriages