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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Ectopic pregnancy- hold my hand?

29 replies

Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 17:32

Last fri I got a bfp, which was a bit of a surprise as we weren't TTC and DS is only 1. Had pain over weekend (but thought it was just implantation pain- I had lots w DD). Turns out it was an ectopic pregnancy and I had emergency op yesterday, resulting in one tube being removed. Now home, and being spoilt by DH- spent day on sofa in front of fire, snoozing and drinking tea. Also have help w DC so that's sorted.

Even though DC3 wasn't planned, and I hadn't quite got my head around having a 3rd so quickly, I feel so sad, and desperate to TTC asap. I know I have a lot to be grateful for and the main thing is that I have 2 beautiful, healthy DC, and that I'm fine, but v tearful.

Can anyone hold my hand or share their experience?

TIA

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 17:33

i can do both...

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 17:38

i've had two eps... tough going, particularly as at the time i didn't have any children. the shock really got to me, and the fact that the baby didn't seem to matter much to the doctors etc (obv they were more concerned with me, but in a way i wasn't).
i have had two daughters since, just with the one tube, so it's very possible to have more kids, i promise. the thing about the tubes is that they're mobile, you see, and so when an egg is released they can travel to wherever it is and grab it. so don't worry about the fertility side of things... you already know you are fertile and this lack of one tube isn't the massive barrier it seems right now.

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 17:58

Thanks Aitch. Nice to know someone had a bfp after ectopic. So sorry to hear you had to go through this twice though- it's no fun!

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 18:01

i had two bfps, two wee girls... and i totally, totally understand the mad desire to get pregnant again immediately as well. i know you're thinking you've lost 50% of your fertility but it's definitely not the case, i promise.

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 18:24

Logically I know that's not the case (from nhs website and from asking drs this morning), but that's what it feels like, iykwim?

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 18:30

i agree, totally understand (i really ahve been there). but i got v early scans with my two wee ones and both times you could see the corpus luteum cyst on the side with no tube, so you'll just have to believe me i'm afraid. Smile

och, this is shite this bit, i promise, so much to think about and to adjust to. a lot has changed, early pregnancy will scare the shit out of you from now on... but they take very good care of us after this. did the doc say if he'd/she'd been able to take a look at your other tube while they were in there?

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 18:56

Yep, other tube looks good though I do have a cyst (though not any concern apparently). I suppose my hormones are all over the place as well as getting used to developments of last 36 hours. Though hospital said I don't need any follow up, I'm gong to see my GP on thurs to have a chat- initially it was to discuss PND from DS (had it both times and just coming off ADs), but am obviously keen to discuss this week's developments too. My DH just wants me to focus on what we have and doesnt seem to get why I'm sad, esp as it felt like this pregnancy hadn't come at a great time. Now it feels like DC3 is all I want ....

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 18:59

but of course you do, and your body does too, all it wants is to return to the situation it should have had. it's all rather beyond your control at the moment and very hard to explain to someone who's not going through it. he's had a terrible scare as well, remember.

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 19:11

I know. We're both just getting our heads around it. And because I had implantation pain w DD we didn't imagine it'd be so serious until I was in theatre (which was so fast DH hadn't even time to get to hospital (though he was there before I came round)! God bless the speed of the NHS!).

He was meant to be working away this week but thankfully is "working from home" (ie looking after me) instead, which is great cos I just want him near me. Did you have laproscapthy (sp?) or open surgery? I had open cos the laparoscopic route didnt work. The incision is pretty sore and though I'm trying to take it easy, it feels weird to be doing nothing.

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 19:13

And I guess he's focusing on trying to solve the "problem" ie get me feelin better, rather than think about the feeling sad.

I'm dying of thirst- is that normal after being intubated? And though I've not had a proper meal since porridge this am, I've no appetite at all. Is that normal?

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 19:13

oh you poor thing, open surgery...
i had the lap, so not as bad. do you have all that horrible wind pain as well? peppermint tea/oil/windeze can be your friend...

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 19:17

no idea about the thirst, but it makes sense. and yes yes yes re the problem solving. and the maddening looking on the bright side/counting of the blessings... i think that's all very typically male, and certainly my dh did that in spades.
but think about his from their point of view, they've just seen you wheeled into surgery, imagine how FRIGHTENING that must have been. the baby, i imagine, was the least of his worries, he was confronting losing you. so it's understandable that he's relieved and somewhat more ready to move on, he's further ahead in the plot than you are. this discrepancy is just another thing you both will have to comfort each other through, iykwim?

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 19:17

Yep, sore shoulder from wind and my tummy looks like I'm 4 month pg- the irony!- but lovely DH bought posh mint tea the other after BFP (for morning sickness- ha!), so will try some of that shortly.

DD's bedtime- off for stories. Back soon. Thank you so much. I'm sitting here in tears but am v grateful.
Xx

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 19:18

you're welcome, it's so bad this bit. i feel terrible for you, it's so hazy for me now but it was b l e a k, i remember that much.

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PipsWife · 16/10/2012 19:32

I'm 5 weeks post ectopic.
Had laparoscopic surgery and tube removed. I have DD 17 months and we were TTC %232.
I was also very impressed with the NHS (and as a nurse myself very weird being the other side!!)
My husband was great, rushed home from work, sorted DD etc, and yes don't men get so practical!! But the week after he had to go away for work for 6 weeks so DD and I are alone, it has been very tough.
I am back to work but finding it hard to be 'normal' me.
2 weeks and he will be home. Hopefully I'll have a period soon and then we can get going TTC!!

Un-mums-netty hugs to you.

Fx for BFP with one tube Grin

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PipsWife · 16/10/2012 19:33

TTC DC2 Not 232!!

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 21:03

Yes, there are blessings to having been at the eye of the storm- once I was in the hospital and esp as soon as I went under that was it till I came back to the ward, where he was waiting for me. At least I didn't have time to worry about it or even think about it all really- 2.5 hours from arrival at hospital to surgery (which included bloods, internal exam and 2 scans)! And I guess he also doesn't have the physical pain- I feel like I can only think about my tummy/pelvis as I'm so tender and bloated at the moment.

I just had a long chat w a friend who is a dr, which was great as she was talking about how serious it cd have been - easy to forget that in the moment, and also just to talk through recovery from surgery. I'm trying to force myself to take it easy and heed her advice.

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 21:09

it really, really could have been deadly serious, for both you and Pipswife. i'm glad you are both here, and i hope that you'll try to be kind to yourselves while you recuperate.

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RancerDoo · 16/10/2012 21:11

Hi, I've been there too.
It's tough and is a lot to get your head around, I found (being happy, shocked, frightened, sad and also glad it was caught in time in quick succession). Too much to process easily.
I had my first child, then two ectopics (only had the tube removed with the second one) and then my lovely DD2. And my DD2 came from the ovary on the tubeless side. So there is honestly lots of hope if you want more children.

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Apparentlychilled · 16/10/2012 21:18

When I had the vaginal scan what looked like thr pregnancy sack was just filled with blood, which I think isn't great news, but obviously all was caught in time. The ectopic mass was over 7cm, so apparently there was no hope of saving the rt tube. I feel pooped. My SIL had a MC so might give her a call re feelings about losing a baby. So hard to process it all. And thank you to Aitch and Rancer for the reminder that there is hope after ectopics.

Here's to you and me both next time Pips!

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joby21 · 16/10/2012 21:56

Dam it! just wrote reply and stupid phone lost it. Will try again!

Sorry to hear your news :-( I had an ectopic in december which was removed by emergency laproscopic surgery. I did know something was wrong but it was still a bit of a shock to end up in surgery!

I am now 31 weeks pregnant with a wriggly fetus that was conceived 3 months post ectopic and from the same side that i had the tube removed from.

It's still early days for you. You need to take it easy and be kind to yourself. I had 5 weeks off work to revover physically and emotionally. You need to make sure you have the time to heal.

Have you had a look at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust website? There is also a long thread in the miscarriage section. I'm sorry i can't link to them from my phone.

Hope things look up for you soon. It does get easier and remember there are a quite a few if us one tubed wonders out there!

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joby21 · 16/10/2012 21:56

Dam it! just wrote reply and stupid phone lost it. Will try again!

Sorry to hear your news :-( I had an ectopic in december which was removed by emergency laproscopic surgery. I did know something was wrong but it was still a bit of a shock to end up in surgery!

I am now 31 weeks pregnant with a wriggly fetus that was conceived 3 months post ectopic and from the same side that i had the tube removed from.

It's still early days for you. You need to take it easy and be kind to yourself. I had 5 weeks off work to revover physically and emotionally. You need to make sure you have the time to heal.

Have you had a look at the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust website? There is also a long thread in the miscarriage section. I'm sorry i can't link to them from my phone.

Hope things look up for you soon. It does get easier and remember there are a quite a few if us one tubed wonders out there!

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PipsWife · 16/10/2012 22:47

Yes you don't think at all about how different it could have been.
Here's to the one tube wonders Grin

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AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 16/10/2012 22:51


(must say, i too got pg quickly after the tube went... third month of trying, so don't assume it'll be a hard slog from here).
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Mirage · 16/10/2012 23:02

I'll hold your hand too.I had an ectopic after TTC for 3.5 years.Bizarrely enough,it must have made me super fertile because I was pregnant with DD1, 7 weeks post op.When we decided to try again,we concieved DD2 in the first month.

My ectopic was 10 years ago now and it does definitely get easier.I hope you and your DH are feeling better soon.

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