So sad for my friend. M/C #3, this one halfway through. How can I help her??

[Jacksmania]

Found out good friend has miscarried for the third time. The first two were early. This one at 21 weeks. She will have to go into hospital and be induced to deliver. Obviously she is devastated, and I am terribly sad for her and feel sick at what she will have to go through.

What happens with a late miscarriage? What will happen when she goes to hospital? I have no experience with this.

How can I support her? What can I say? What shouldn't I say? Of course I know that nothing I can do or say will fix it :( but I so want to help.

Any advice would be helpful. TIA.

[Jacksmania]

Bump, please?

[Jacksmania]

Oh shit no, I didn't mean bump! Sorry, that was purely typing by instinct. Gah!!

[iloveblue]

Hi jacks
I've had a similar experience to your friend.
I had a late loss at 20 wks in October last year, had an early mc in Feb and have just been told that my current pregnancy is failing (7ish weeks).
I have two lovely boys already - no problems with either of them, so its all very confusing as well as being heartbreaking.

Regarding the late loss - this thread may be useful. I started it last year when we lost our little boy and lots of other ladies have shared their stories there.
Your friend will be very up and down for a while - it took me about 6 weeks to get back to some kind of normal. The best you can do for her is let her know you are there when she needs you and is ready.
Personally, I wanted to talk about what had happened, it was awful talking to people afterwards who never mentioned it and almost pretended it had never happened.
My DB did a lovely thing and turned up a few days after it had happened with a home-made lasagne, a hamper of fruit, chocolates etc.

You are obviously a lovely friend and I will be thinking of your friend and her family x

[Jacksmania]

Thank you! I looked at a couple of threads after I posted this and saw your story. I'm so, so sorry for your loss and your current situation :( The threads made me cry. Thank you for posting even though you're having a tough time yourself right now.

I only have the one DS and have shared the story of his birth many times on MN - it was a complete train wreck so I'm not having any more and am completely ok with it. My friend had one early M/C before she had her DS who was born within days of my DS (we bumped bellies a lot near the end of our pregnancies :o) but I don't understand how someone can have one successful pregnancy and then so many that go wrong. What could possibly be the reason? I work in the health care field and have a medical background but this is outside my experience... and from what I can see from these threads, happens to many more women than I ever thought. :(

I can't stop thinking about her. I'm hoping it's all over by now, but obviously don't want to call and disturb her. :(
(Different time zone to the U.K., by the way.)

[Ladybee]

Send her a message and tell her that. It will mean everything to her know that her friends are thinking of her. And don't be afraid to call her, don't wait for her to call. If she doesn't want to speak when you call, she'll say so, but she may be longing to talk to someone but unable to make the call herself. So do it for her. And let her know that you aren't waiting for her to get back to 'normal' or 'get over it'. That doesn't really happen - you get used to living with grief rather than the grief going away.