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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

So how do i argue with an exP who says...

38 replies

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:23

...it is not his responsibility to pay anything towards the keep of his DC because DC doesnt live with him and so therefore he doesn't "get the benefit of him".

i have tried pointing out that he chose to have him as well as me but he says, "so what... you get the benefit of seeing him every day and i dont so you pay for the priviledge".

OP posts:

Report

AuraofDora · 31/10/2008 15:30

so its all about him and not his children?
sad selfish self centered uberwanker

how would he like it if they overheard this conversation..

RideEmCowboy · 31/10/2008 15:32

He wants "pay as you go" children.

What an arsehole.

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:32

yep everything is about him.

god, perish the thought... if i have my way DS will never, ever know what he's like.

i know its just an excuse he's using because he's used other excuses but i would like to argue him into a position where he cannot refuse IYSWIM.

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mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:33

RideEm... pay as you go children... that actually made me laugh. thank you !

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MadreInglese · 31/10/2008 15:34

I'm struggling to find anything to say other than "what a nob"

It's about providing for his child, not what he can get from it.

ShowOfHands · 31/10/2008 15:35

I'm not sure you could get far enough down the food chain to communicate with him.

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:36

yeah called him a nob and a few other choice things in the past but all he says is that he's worried about whether Im a fit mother if all im intellectually capable of during a "discussion" is hurling insults.

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freshprincess · 31/10/2008 15:37

mmm interesting approach to fatherhood.

Perhaps you could offer to work out a 'daily rate' so he only has to pay for the days that he has the priviledge of seeing your son - charge a premium for weekends and Christmas is double time.

Or you could tell him he's a selfish prick.

RideEmCowboy · 31/10/2008 15:37

What's he going to do? Try to get custody of them? Snort.

What an utter dickhead.

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.

MadreInglese · 31/10/2008 15:39

good god, he sounds just like my ex

ex: "well if we're reduced to the level of using foul language then this discussion won't get anywhere"

me: "f*ck off then"

I did learn to handle him better, once the anger wore off a little. You have to keep your cool and put your pissed off energy into more productive things (easier said than done I know!)

2point4kids · 31/10/2008 15:41

I'd reply with something like
'whether they live with you or not is not up for negotiation. They DO live with me so your options are 1) dont pay anything, the DCs still live with me but THEY suffer through not being supported financially and emotionally by their father or 2) pay maintenance and know that you are making your DCs lives better by being supported.

He is making your children suffer because he is angry at not having custody.
Surely if he loves them enough to want custody then he should care enough to want to make their lives as happy and stress free as possible?

Anifrangapani · 31/10/2008 15:41

Book a holiday and get him to pay.... he can have the benefit of DC while you are away.

kormAaaarrrggghhhchameleon · 31/10/2008 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:42

no RideEm... he doesnt want custody of DS... its only because i insisted on a schedule that he sees him at all.

how can i get him to change his viewpoint on his responsibilities or am i fighting a lost cause?

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mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:44

CSA wont do anything as he resides outside of the UK.

He has said in the past... well, i cant afford to pay anything anyway as my money is running out fast and i may have to even get a job... that was 5 days after he paid 280,000 for a brand new yaught.

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RideEmCowboy · 31/10/2008 15:45

Sorry - I was being silly.

I meant that his comment about you being an unfit mother is just so stupid and it's not as if he's going to apply for custody if he wont even pay towards the upkeep of his child.

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:46

oops... sorry, think im having sense of humour bypass !

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RideEmCowboy · 31/10/2008 15:47

No - my fault!!

mabanana · 31/10/2008 15:51

tell him that his children are not objects or possessions, they are people, and they continue to have needs whether he is present or not. You can't just take their batteries out. Normal people support their children out of common decency and love, not for what they can get out of them. Would he be happy for them to starve if he didn't see them? What sort of person would do that?
Where does he live?

cremolafoam · 31/10/2008 15:54

legally he must pay 25% of his earnings.
phone the CSA and shop him

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 15:58

he lives in france. i've contacted the csa, they dont want to know.

i like that mabanana.

OP posts:

mabanana · 31/10/2008 16:06

information on how to get a court order for payment when a parent lives abroad
Go get him!

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lostdad · 31/10/2008 16:10

What would I say?

How about Why don't you share the privilege with me and spend part of your time caring for ds?'...and when he says that where he lives/works prevents that happening he can't say you've denied him the privilege' he refers to. The more open-handed you are...the less excuse he has got to complain.

If you're getting any joy off the CSA, join NACSA - google that one. He has responsibilities (financial ones been one of many) and should not be able to avoid them.

Yet another father who's actions get thrown in my face while I fight to be an involved parent.

MascaraOHara · 31/10/2008 16:16

been there, done that...

CSA.. even if you don't get anything, just CSA his sorry ass.

Shame there isn't a register of losers really.

mankymummy · 31/10/2008 16:39

thanks i will look again for the legal route..

sorry lostdad, i dont know your circumstances but i hope my post hasnt offended you.

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