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My ex is such an arse of a father at times.

(50 Posts)
Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 21:27:36

My DS1 is nearly 9, but has difficulties, so isn't like other boys his age. He has been assessed, & we are unclear of the exact problem, but he ticks a lot of boxes for dyspraxia.

My mum brought both boys a wallet back from her holiday & put £10 in it. DS1 being DS1 & having terrible problems organising anything, has gone & lost the wallet. It will be somewhere in the house as he had it early yesterday evening, but he can't find it today.

His dad bought him two pc games yesterday on the condition he paid him back with his £10, so on hearing he had lost it, demanded he gave him the games so that he could return them to the shop, and has told him that he has until Thursday to find it, or he is taking a load of his other bits to the dump. What a bullying tosser.angry I am so angry!

piratecat Tue 12-Aug-08 21:30:41

how mean and pathetic, sounds like his father need to grow up.

god men (some) can be so bloody ridiculous.

supervixen Tue 12-Aug-08 21:35:49

omg how awful, that is so mean

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 21:37:21

He wants to take DS to the dump with him & watch him throw his favourite things away!angry I am so angry with him.
as he dropped them back, he said "I would like to pack him up & send him away" Bastard!
Luckily I don't think DS heard that as he was already in the house.

Aimsmum Tue 12-Aug-08 21:39:43

Message withdrawn

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 21:50:25

DS was hysterical when he returned to me today - he wishes he was never given the wallet.sad

ninah Tue 12-Aug-08 21:54:03

How very nasty. You must be fuming.

kama Tue 12-Aug-08 21:55:06

Message withdrawn

lizziemun Tue 12-Aug-08 21:55:17

Can you give your ds £10 to give to his arsehole father and worry about finding the wallet later.

ninah Tue 12-Aug-08 21:57:18

Is he normally like this? can you talk to him and get him to see reason?

supervixen Tue 12-Aug-08 21:58:27

This is just plain cruel. I would not be letting him in the house!

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 22:00:24

His arse father has already said to me "no giving him £10 because you feel sorry for him"

ninah Tue 12-Aug-08 22:04:00

My god. He thinks he runs your household? angry
He's got his stupid games back, end of.

citylover Tue 12-Aug-08 22:05:15


Wasnt your exH also abusive to you?

My ex H has similar traits and although I encourage contact I am pleased that generallly they are living with me.

This sounds terrible. Does your ex not understand the extent of his difficulties?

So sorry

prettyfly1 Tue 12-Aug-08 22:08:02

jaysus christ - give him a tenner and tell him to f off. seriously wtf is he playing at - it sounds like he needs assessing far more then your boy - how awful - what do you want to do about it?

stealthsquiggle Tue 12-Aug-08 22:08:57

He is a horrible bully and I think you need to show your DSs how to stand up to bullies. I know this will be really hard for you but as I see it there are two options - front up to XH and say No, or collude with the 2 boys to show XH DS2's wallet and £10 and claim it to be DS1's. Neither sounds great. OK there is a third one - you and the two DSs spend tomorrow on a wallet hunt sad.

Having spent the holidays retrieving my DS's best friend's possessions which he scatters behind him in a trail even when reminded at 30 second intervals I can certainly vouch for it being a strong trait of dyspraxia!

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 22:20:38

I was going to search the whole house for the wallet for DS.

Things had appeared quite calm recently & the boys always love going off with daddy, but today I see that nasty bully appearing again.angrysad

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 22:22:09

He is aware that DS has problems, but don't think he understands them. He thinks this is the only way he will learn & that I am too soft.angry

Ewe Tue 12-Aug-08 22:25:58

He sounds vile PC sad

My ex is also an arse, he's been away for a week on hols, DD is ill and instead of coming over and helping out he decided the pub was more important.

ninah Tue 12-Aug-08 22:26:59

hang on, he's got the games back hasn't he? if not can't you just give him the games back?
I was in despair on Sunday at my ex's behaviour, he clearly finds the company of two young dc boring and irritating and the visits are becoming torture. Why do we do it - because it's the ^right thing^. Apparently.
With an exes like these you're in a lose-lose situation and I do sympathise.

solidgoldbrass Tue 12-Aug-08 22:31:14

Tell him that if he carries out his threat to throw away DS1's possessions (which is actually theft, the items belong to DS not to his shithead father) you will stop all contact and he can take you back to court. The only way to deal with bullies like your XP is to stand up to them hard.

stealthsquiggle Tue 12-Aug-08 22:33:23

If it makes you feel any better (it won't, I know) the little boy I referred to has the same problem with his birth father - idiot thinks that his mother and stepfather are too soft, over analyse, and/or exaggerate his problems and that if they were stricter with him he would somehow 'learn' not to be dyspraxic. The only person who has managed to talk any sense into the stupid man was the boys' fab teacher at parent's evening.

Good luck with the wallet hunt - start with all pockets of all DS's clothes?!

Pinkchampagne Tue 12-Aug-08 22:37:43

These were games he had at his dad's house, and bought for him by his dad. His dad has also told him that if the wallet isn't found, DS2 will get a present when he next takes them out, but not DS1.
I have been in tears for DS tonight. I have no control of what is being said when they are with him, which is in a way worse than when we were together.

PurpleOne Tue 12-Aug-08 22:40:38

He sounds vile! No wonder he's an ex!

Note to pc -look down the side of the couch and underneath it wink
I swear my couch is a magnetic portal for all things mislaid.

Then tell your awful ex to f* off.

ninah Tue 12-Aug-08 22:44:24

shit. Nice present, dad!
What kind of present will ds2 get, a DVD at 5pc interest?
He does sound very controlling and I wonder if he knows he is upsetting you like this.
I think you will have to tough it out with him. Thing is we always feel that we have to ensure smooth contact with exs for dc sake, and a controlling exp will know and use this. In this case you have to stand up to him and if he goes off in a sulk that's his choice, not your responsibility.
If ds2 does get something extra, hand it back.

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