It's important that I'm specific here. I work in a school and the headteacher told me that if I can't put a contingency plan in place that ensures my arriving to work on time even if my child is found to be ill and needs to see a doctor that morning, then I need to resign. My attendance record is good with the exception of 6 weeks to recover from a broken bone (mine). When my child was ill I took him to the gp, made alternative childcare as arrangements Nursery couldn't take him (contagious) and got in to work for that same afternoon. I have made arrangements for childcare next week until he is well again.
I can't say that it will never happen again and I think I've been reasonable in my actions.
Using anecdotes he explained that women have to make the decision to resign from work if they can't guarantee attending work despite child's unexpected illness.
I'm expecting him to begin picking fault with my work in an attempt to pressure me in to resigning. How can I demonstrate that those things he finds fault in are nothing more than a legal way to dismiss me since he knows using the real reason would be unacceptable.
Family is deceased so he knows this is difficult for me with little support but has said I should have thought about that before I made the decision to have a child. I've worked here for 13 years and want to continue to but I'm feeling devalued and helpless.
I really hope you can offer advice. I'm certain that he would not have said these things in public, but I also know that if I make a formal complaint I won't be able to continue to work here as others stronger than me have tried and failed.
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Employer told me as a single mum I should resign... can he do that?
shmoozie · 11/01/2015 06:28
Thank you, Fish... though you could have put some effort into your reply!
It's a state school and no he wouldn't say it in front of a witness despite threatening to 'take this the formal route'. I think I'll have to tell him to do just that because I haven't been unreasonable.
Because it was informal I can't take anyone in with me... we meet multiple times a day and I never know when he's going to start addressing this. It really is quite a unique situation as his PA compared to other staff.
I can't talk about this with colleagues as part of my job is to promote his competence and increase confidence in him as their head.
The HR is dealt with externally and he would take unkindly to any inference that he had been inappropriate. Our close contact has me over a barrel and he knows exactly what he's doing.
I once told him he couldn't legally do something and his exact words were 'I will continue to until someone tells me I can't'. That sums him up well. If it comes to sickness from work related stress or a complaint against him at any level I'll end up being left with a poor reference as he can be and has shown he is vindictive.
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I've provided agreed references before, but he has on occasion made a supplementary telephone call to explain why he can't complete a set reference template provided by the prospective employer.
You know when you don't have family/colleagues to talk to about things like this, it can be isolating and you can lose perspective. Your constructive advice has helped me see that there is an alternative support network and your blunt remarks on him have even made me laugh, which I never thought would be possible this morning! 
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