Hi everyone,I am looking for experiences here...
I have just started seeing someone, and we have agreed no telling family yet. However, things are progressing well, andwe are keen to spend as much time together as possible... His ex's access time is different from my ex's access time, so is logistically tricky.
My first thought was introduce to kids/ family at the same time if we are still serious in 2 or 3 months.....
BUT his kids are teens and already spotted he's seeing someone, and if we are going to get any time together it would be handier to tell his kids, and spend time at his place, while my ( younger) kids are at their dads... But if his kids know, all our families (who are friends) will know pretty quick, and is it realistic to keep it from my kids?
Feel like this is a total minefield!
Any experience good or bad?
Fwiw we are both committed to being together.... But early stages
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When/ how to introduce a new boyfriend
Benzalkonium · 22/03/2014 19:55
Hi mummy of 4.... I totally sympathise, it is really hard to organise time, isn't it. For us, it's very new, very sudden, and unlike anything either of us experienced before. We just feel so right together, and everything seems so easy between us.
How about you? How long have you been together? How do you concentrate on the kids when he's around?
I'll check out your other thread!
I have come to the conclusion that I have to tell people, so I'm going to wait a couple of weeks, and then follow advice given above, and just say I am going out with John. Downplay any boyfriend label. BUT I will avoid us spending time altogether until a few months down the line. Which means we will not get much time together, 
Not telling people is not going to work for us. He was asked directly where he was one night by his son. If he expects honesty from his son, how can he lie to him? And if he knows, everyone knows (age appropriately)
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I think it very much depends how you introduce them etc. Personally I agree that a year is a long time to invest in a relationship before introducing the kids, because genuine feelings do develop during that time but what works for one doesn't work for someone else etc.
I had planned to wait around six months before introducing my ds to bf, however my ex came round with him unannounced after we'd only been seeing each other for six weeks (he knew he was here, I had told him so as to avoid anything like that), he essentially forced the introduction, I asked him what the hell he thinks would have happened if we'd been in any kind of compromising position, even kissing to which he replied that we should always be aware that ds could walk in at any time so we had a duty not to have a physical relationship during the day lest it compromise ds. 
then gave me an ultimatum, either I tell ds the truth or he would. I introduced ds to him as my friend at first (in spite of xh's protestations) and although he did stay over e stayed in the spare room and we just did things together as there was a fayre in town etc... Ds did work it out pretty quickly and they do get on very well because he hasn't pushed it with ds or tried too hard.
In xh's case he had been seeing his gf for six weeks when he decided to introduce her to ds. He announced one weekend that he had a gf and wanted ds to meet her. So they met up somewhere, her first action was to sit him down and tell him that she doesn't want to be his mummy on a first meeting! but ds didn't meet her dd until about four months later, even though xh was talking about holidays with them all together before the kids had even met.
I was always very cautious because my ds is very sensitive, and different children respond differently.
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