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I am a contact blocker

(56 Posts)
daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 19:31:42

Obviously I am since my DD doesn't see her Dad.

Ooooor it could be that he's a waster who wants nothing to do with her! I have just been told that I deliberately block contact by ExHs family member.

Why is it that even though as the single parent doing everything, paying for everything, still working and basically doing the bloody best I can I am still viewed as the one in the wrong?

And then there is my ex who is probably pissed in a ditch, who doesn't pay a penny towards his child and rarely (if ever) actually works. The same man who turned up to contact drunk, the same man who said he doesn't care one bit for our child, the same bloody man that has done nothing for her in the almost 3 years since she was born.

Anyone else feel that no matter what you do there will always be those who despite all the evidence to the contrary will blame you?

Rant over (sorry!)

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 19:35:47

oh i have always been one of those too daisy, despite bringing them at my expense to meet him week after week...sometimes waiting and waiting while he decided whether or not to turn up..
no that is a figment of our tortured imaginations, actually I always prevented him from seeing his children
so much easier than actually engaging and doing any parenting isn't it?

daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 19:46:02

It isn't like we just woke up one morning and said "do you know what I fancy being for the rest of my life? A single Mum".

It's bloody hard. I wouldn't change one bit of my daughters access or lack of access now because of his previous actions but I tried time and time again to establish and support contact. Every time it was thrown right back.

I know some RP are awkward about access but I really can't imagine that all that many do it just for the sake of it.

Oooh she's annoyed me.

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 19:48:43

oh do not worry, my ex's sister just parrots what he says too even though she knows full well he is an arse - I just do not talk to any of them, makes life easier you know?

mumandboys123 Mon 17-Mar-14 19:48:59

don't get me started...although my ex now has regular contact, at one point he disappeared and we didn't hear a word from him until a letter one day dropped through the letterbox telling me he wanted contact after I had been so unreasonable for the previous 6 months not allowing him to see the children. He disappeared - sent me an e-mail saying he was moving and that he'd let me know when he was able to see the children again.

mumandboys123 Mon 17-Mar-14 19:50:00

arrggghhhh...didnt' mean to post - was jumped on! Yes, it's always our fault they can't be bothered, isn't it?! I just ignore it, let it go over my head and acknowledge what an idiot he is.

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 19:51:48

On, I'm a 'contact blocker' too. I just ignore it and get on with raising ds. He has our contact details so hey ho. He turns up hungover every 18 months and expects to see ds for an hour in between all of his other plans. The last time he turned up he ended up shouting and swearing in ds's face (in the middle of the city centre!) so ds didn't want to see him. This, of course, was my fault hmm I really don't care what he tells people now, just as long as ds is OK that's all I'm bothered about.

He still has to pay maintenance though, why should our child go without when he has two houses, monthly holidays etc. I had to go to court for it mind, when ds decided not to see him he stopped paying. The court didn't care and doubled his contribution grin

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 19:53:06

how did you get to use the court ladymary? i thought it was CSA or nothing?

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 19:55:55

Me too.

Notwithstanding violence to DD/police involvement/social services/ supervised contact ( supervised by muggins here ), therapeutic work for abusive dads/ parenting courses ordered by SS and a gradual court overseen reintroduction of unsupervised contact.

But in the imaginary world of Ex, OW and OWs family, none of that happened and poor diddums contact was blocked by evil psycho Ex wife wink
At the end of the day though, you know the truth .

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 19:56:21

He's not in the UK (moved 10 years ago because he was bored). The CSA don't have jurisdiction so I had to file a REMO. smile

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 19:57:09

aah i see....well you got a result so good grin

daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 19:59:34

If I'm honest it's not that she said it that annoyed me. Just that I know that she know's it's not true a ridiculous. Some people eh pfffft.

Well fellow contact blockers it's nice to know I'm not alone grin

stubbornstains Mon 17-Mar-14 20:01:05

Well, at the end of the day, these wankers didn't appear from nowhere. They will often have been encouraged to bloom into full wankerhood by their dysfunctional families. So, no surprises if you get some completely barking odd responses from said families....sad

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 20:01:25

Yup. I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall when he was told the good news grin He hasn't bothered to make any attempt to pay the arrears off though so back to court he goes! His family backed him up when he stopped paying, he told them that he didn't think I was grateful for his contribution [nosmileyforfuckofftwatheadex]

Honestly, your child is better off without. One loving parent tops one loving parent and a twat. smile

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 20:01:50

good point stains; very good.

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 20:04:33

They probably use the 'contact block' as an excuse not to pay maintenance. Stains is right, they come from dysfunctional families who back them up (I know mine does).

DollyTwat Mon 17-Mar-14 20:06:04

I'm one too
Despite the fact at the last court hearing he asked for no contact order
He's now concerned that contact has broken down

His family all think it's me stoping contact

NigellasDealer Mon 17-Mar-14 20:06:39

exactly what mine did ladymary, the imaginary contact block = no money.
the fact that it occurred at the same time as his second marriage was purely co-incidental i am sure.

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 20:07:18

Oh, Dolly! confused

Peacesword Mon 17-Mar-14 20:08:57

I'll join you. I'm also a contact blocker.

And that involves me asking him if he'd like to see her and him saying "I'm not being your child care".

He stopped working after an accident and I asked if he wanted to see her after school. His answer was "why"? And then "no".

He didn't see her for over a month and that was my fault as I cancelled his weekend. I didn't, he rang me to say they were doing something that weekend and didn't want dd tagging along.

And now he and his gf are blaming me for making them homeless. They'll have around £40k and another property between them when the marital home sells.

They're hilarious.

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 20:09:38

Ah, gotcha, Nigella.

There needs to be a special kind of punishment for people like this. I'm in favour of the stocks and some rotten food sod human rights

Monetbyhimself Mon 17-Mar-14 20:12:25

Are any of you contact blockers 'parental alienators' as well ?
That was Exs buzz word for a while.

daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 20:13:01

Yup, 100% dysfunctional, don't know why I'm surprised actually.

The rage is passing smile

daisy0chain Mon 17-Mar-14 20:14:06

monet don't think my ex could stay sober long enough to get that jazzy little catch phrase out grin

LadyMaryLikesCake Mon 17-Mar-14 20:14:18

Remind us what a 'parental alienator' is. Is that when you turn your dc against the other parent although they are capable of doing this without help

Great to hear, daisy smile wine?

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