Desperate to change DD's surname, please help

[Nikaleeona]

My DD has just turned a year. She has her fathers surname as we were together when she was born and were planning to get married. He is mentioned on her birth certificate so has parental responsibility. He left when she was 4 months old cos he didnt love me and couldnt stand the site of me! (This is after being together for 2 and a half years!) He now gives me very little money for her and visits her at the weekend for 2 hours in which she screams the entire time cos she doesnt like him or know who he is! I really want her to have my surname cos its silly having his and he doesnt deserve it and to be honest its a ridiculous name! Is there any way i can officially change it without his consent cos i know there is no way he will give me permission to change it? Iv already started calling her by my surname but would rather having it done properly if possible. Any ideas if i can or where i can find out about it?
TIA x

[BonyM]

Hi Nikaleeona.

If your dd's father is named on the birth certificate and therefore has parental responsibility, he has to give his consent if you want to change her name.

Have you asked him about this? Are you certain that he will refuse?

[chipkid]

I am pretty sure that you cannot legally change a child's surname without the consent of the people with parental responsibility for the child.
If you did change the name, he could apply to the Court for an order that requires you to change it back-and in the circumstances the Court would be almost certain to grant his application.
I can see how hurtful his behaviour has been-but the fact that he is having regular contact makes it unlikely that he is not going to fade from the scene.

[NotAnOtter]

I just changed mine without doing anything legally!

[SoupDragon]

Can you say you want to change it to the double barrelled surname yourname-hisname and then just drop his name for everyday use?

[chipkid]

notanotter-is your little one at school?

In my experience even informal change of name usually gets discovered when the child starts school and is "known by" another surname. If the father has parental responsibility and involves himself with the child's school he'll soon find out about the name change.

I have been involved in cases involving this type of scenario and believe me the Court's are quite willing to enforce the use of the father's surname even if the informal name change has been going on for some time!

Just be wary of the potential confusion that you could cause to your child

[Nixz]

I have done this.
If you WERE NOT married at the time of the birth then the parental responsibility was not needed when dd was born (she is 5).
However i think the law has changed somewhat regarding this.
Contact the uk deed poll service for advice, i did not need consent and did it all very easily.
\link{http://www.ukdps.co.uk/\here}

[Nixz]

I think it is perfectly normal to want your child to have the same surname as you if you have the majority of the responsibility.
As others have said, you can 'be known as' whatever you want if you dont want to take the legal steps, schools are great with things like this

[chipkid]

Nixz this is not how the courts view the matter.

People become highly emotive about the change of a surname and it often ends in litigation!

Just because a name has ben changed by deed poll-does not mean that the Courts will not order the name to be changed back again on the application of a parent.

[Nixz]

Yes i understand this, obviously i dont know Nikaleeona's xp position which is why i suggested that she could maybe just change her dd's surname but not legally iyswim.
As from December 2003, parents who are not married but are named on the birth certificate automatically have parental responsibility and the law requires permission from them to chnage the childs name, in my case, this was not needed. My dp and i are still together but i wanted her to have my name as he is in the forces and away a lot - i felt so strongly about that so i can sympathise with others who feel the same.

[Nikaleeona]

Thanks for all your replies. I am certain he will refuse to let me change it unfortunatly. Soupdragon, his surname is already double-barrelled so i dont feel i can add another bit onto this! He is having regular contact atm however he is getting less bothered by this and doesnt see DD as much as he used to. His parents are the same, they havent seen her for months because they cant be bothered. Personally i dont feel that he deserves to have DD having his surname, although i cant see him agreeing.

[7up]

can see why you want her to have your name. my ex is about to start contact with my ds next week for an hour a week (to start with), hes not on the birth certificate but his name has been added as another middle name so i can and will drop it but he can use it if he likes. i feel its only a macho thing with him anyway

[cod]

you cnat change her name fgs

[rickman]

I changed my kids surnames cod, so you can!

[Nixz]

me too!

[controlfreaky2]

he has pr. you need his consent to change her name or the court's permission to do so in the event he refuses. posters who say you are unlikely to succeed are right if his name is on birth certificate (you agreed to put his name on as you didnt have to) and you agreed to name dd with his surname (which you didnt have to do) and he is involved with your daughter through contact.... s 13 children act 1989 is relevant legislation.

[pebblemum]

I have recently changed my ds1's surname to my married name. He was given his real dads surname and his dad was named on the birth certificate. I found it very easy to change it by deed poll but then again my situation is slightly different to yours. My ds's dad ceased all contact with him when he was just over a year old, he has never shown any interest in his son and makes no contribution financially. My ds is now coming up for 9yrs old. Since starting school my ds had always gone by my maiden name, anything official had to have his proper surname on it but ds hated it. From an early age he realised we had different surnames and it used to upset him a lot, it ws more noticeable once i got married and had ds2. Now though he has got rid of his 'horrible' surname and now goes by the same name as all of us. He is proud of his new name and now when he has to sign anything official i dont have a battle on my hands whereas before he would refuse to sign his name.

I understand how you feel about your daughters name, i felt pressured to give ds1 his dads name even though i was unsure at the time. Now i wish i had listened to my parents but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope you find a way to sort this out one way or another.

[joash]

This sems a very emotive thread - can I just say that just because the baby's father is on the birth certificate does not mean that the child has to be know by that surname. Yours is on there too - so why not just give her your surname. You will find that schools, doctors, courts, etc are usually very good about this sort of thing (apart from the occasional old coot!!). I grew up with a different surname to the one I was born with and took the surname of my mums husband at that time (her 2nd). I went all the way through school with a name that was not on my birth certificate - even my national insurance card came to me with my stepfathers name as my surname.
DD1 was known by my DH's surname from being around 18 months old (we didn't marry until she was 5), she started school with his surname and everyone was quite happy. When we did finally get around to making it legal - the court could not see any problem as that was the surname she had grown up with and everyone knew her by it.
Additionally, GS's parents are not married. His fathers name is on the birth certificate and his parents insisted that he be known by the fathers surname - but even without even being asked, the court always referred to GS by his mums surname (obviously the same as ours) and insisted that he was down on all the court records under his mums surname. Apparently, the reasoning behind it was that a child can be known by any of the parents surname. The father might have PR, but there is no legal requirement for a child to take on its fathers surname - just as there is no legal requirement for a woman to change her surname to that of her husbands when they marry.

[BadHair]

Hi - just found this on the \link{http://www.deedpollsonline.co.uk/CanABirthCertificateBeChanged.html\deed polls website}:

Please note, if the parents were not married to each other at the time of the birth and the child was registered with the father's surname, it is not possible to change the child's surname back to the mother's on the birth certificate. To change the child's surname back to the mother's, a Deed Poll should be executed, for which the father's permission is not required. However, a Deed Poll will not get the child's birth certificate changed.

More details are on the site, but tbh I'm too knackered to read the lot of it.

[controlfreaky2]

joash. its not beecause father's name is on birth cert. that child has to take his name. his name on cert is what gives him parental responsibility. it is child name on birth cert that requires consent of all with pr to change.... or cts permission. many people may just change names... point is that if father finds out / minds / kicks up fuss that is when legal framework will be relevant...

[joash]

having just had three years arguing about PR .. I think it's imprinted on my brain thanks. What I was saying is that it is not a legal requirement to take the surname of any particular parent named on a birth certificate. The father will still have his PR - no-one can take that away from him.

[chipkid]

A child has a "legal" surmane-ie the name in which a passport is issued etc. This legal surname can be changed by deed poll-but if the other parent disagrees (whether they have pr or not) they can apply to the Court to have the child known legally by the name that it originally had.
You will find in this day and age that Courts are unwilling to allow a unilateral change of name unless there are good reasons for it. If the father is involved in the child's life the Court is particularly reluctant to allow a change in name.
Bearing the same name as the mother and the rest of the famiuly with whom that child rsides is no longer a good enough reason for a unilateral name change.
You can change the name informally-but the dad can still apply for an order to stop this too.

[Nikaleeona]

Sorry to cause so many problems witht his thread! So when i fill out official forms for things she will have to have her fathers surname on it if i dont get it changed officially is that right? What about the forms for starting school? I've told the nursery that i work at and that she goes to and they have changed her name on all the records. I understand the point that i didnt have to have his name put on the birth certificate and her take his name however i actually believed that i could trust him, didnt expect him to walk out cos he found something better, which is stupid really since we were both only 18 at the time. Would he really be able to stop me using the name she goes by? Because thats really unfair.

[Nikaleeona]

Sorry to cause so many problems witht his thread! So when i fill out official forms for things she will have to have her fathers surname on it if i dont get it changed officially is that right? What about the forms for starting school? I've told the nursery that i work at and that she goes to and they have changed her name on all the records. I understand the point that i didnt have to have his name put on the birth certificate and her take his name however i actually believed that i could trust him, didnt expect him to walk out cos he found something better, which is stupid really since we were both only 18 at the time. Would he really be able to stop me using the name she goes by? Because thats really unfair.

[Nikaleeona]

Sorry!

[7up]

hi nikaleeona, i think from reading back on the messages you can leave her surname as yours is on nursery records etc, unless he kicks up about it. if hes not likely to read her name anywhere im sure you'll be ok till he finds out. personally, i think id see a solicitor and check just to be safe.