We?ve been married ten years and one of the things that first attracted us to one another when we met was our shared dream of living in Spain one day. We had a heart to heart chat last night about whether this dream could become a reality and he said the only thing holding him back is that he is not sure if I could cope with living abroad.
When we met we were both living and working in a country (USA) that neither of us are native to. I?m English; he is from a Latin American country. He?d been there for 9 years and I just spent 1 year there.
We?ve lived in England all our married life and we have now got 3 children now age 5,3, and 18 months. We?ve kept postponing our move to Spain for various reasons. Firstly we wanted to wait until my DH got citizenship, and then we had our three children really close together and I wanted to be around my family and friends during that time.
Before having children I was fearless, I did human rights work which took me to many dangerous situations and countries. However, I found that having children opened up a vulnerable side to me that I wasn?t aware of and has made me want to stay closer to family and the wider support network that I?ve relied on a lot in these early years of motherhood. I?ve had quite bad postnatal depression (enough to go on antidepressants, though coming off them slowly now my youngest is 1.5 years).
DH has seen how I have relied on my family and friends so much in the past few years and he worries that I will be lonely and not settle in a foreign culture. He is much more adaptable than me, he?s not lived permanently in his native country since he was 18 and has experienced living and settling in other cultures. I think he?d thrive and love living in Spain. The only thing holding him back is his concern that I am not strong enough emotionally to make the move.
I would also love to live in Spain but I have to agree with him that I am not sure if I am strong enough emotionally to make the move. Although I?ve travelled a lot, I?ve only actually lived abroad for 1 year and I feel like I was a very different person then.
The main thing that that scares me is that if we were to go it would have to be a permanent, forever thing. If we gave up work and our house (we own 50% share in our home via housing association so we can?t rent it out while we go over for a trial period) we would have nothing to fall back on if it didn?t work.
Why do I want to live in Spain?
-So that the children can learn to speak Spanish fluently and therefore access their cultural heritage (none of husband?s family speak English).
-Close enough that we can easily see my family regularly (would take my parents no longer to visit us from Kent than it does to visit my sister in Liverpool)
-Wonderful climate so chance for more active, outdoor, life style
-I?d get fully bilingual (do already speak Spanish but room for improvement)
-You only get one life and want to live it to the full, not held back by fears or ?what ifs?
-For husbands sake, there is a part of him that is repressed here in UK which he feels comes alive in Spain (and I have seen that when on holiday there).
Why don?t I?
-May never be able to come back as we don?t own property here
-Worry about not being able to make a community of friends
-Isolation
-Damage the children by moving, I suspect one of my 3 children may need extra support and have special needs and I think I could understand the systems better here.
-What if I get depressed again, no support network
-Spain in recession right now, more risky than UK
I?d appreciate any comments, advice on this. If you?ve moved to live overseas with small children, what are the hardest parts, the things that have pushed you to breaking point? What are the joys?
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Living overseas
DH thinks that I am not cut out for living overseas.....advice please
46 replies
Solola · 27/04/2012 11:35
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