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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

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Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Life-limiting illness

bladder cancer

45 replies

user546425732 · 07/06/2018 20:16

I just heard my mum has bladder cancer.

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Downeyhouse · 07/06/2018 20:19

So sorry. I don’t know much about it but any diagnosis of cancer is awful and unfair. Thoughts are with you

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user546425732 · 07/06/2018 21:02

i don't either. i'm terrified. she doesn't want to talk to me at the moment and has told me not to phone.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 03:41

Can't sleep. Anybody around?

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weaselwords · 08/06/2018 03:46

I’m around. My dad had this about 6 years ago. He had an operation to remove one site in his bladder and then a further operation to remove a suspected recurrence that turned out to be scar tissue. He also had the BCG wash outs.

And he’s fine. Clear for over 5 years and just having yearly check ups. I will cross absolutely everything that your mum has the same outcome

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GlitteryFluff · 08/06/2018 03:46

I'm here.
I don't know much about bladder cancer either.
You're mum will be in shock. And you will be too.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 03:54

Thank you.
Weasel words I'm so glad about your dad.
Mum is terrified of the general anaesthetic as a close relative developed dementia after a GA.

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noodles44 · 08/06/2018 03:59

I'm awake.
I know exactly how you feel as my Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer in 2013. It is horrible, but try not to panic too much as in our experience, they will whisk her in quickly and start treatment.
My Dad had the lump in the muscle layer of his bladder, but it had not spread. He had chemo and an op to remove his bladder due to the location of the tumour and various nodes and his prostate were removed too.
He got the all clear in 2014. He did seem to age during the process, but picked up again gradually after the treatment stopped and seems to be back to normal again now.
He also had a friend who had the same diagnosis in 2014 and he has made a full recovery too, so hopefully your Mum has the smallest lump which can be easily removed and dealt with. The waiting is awful though as you worry about the worst case scenario.

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TheMythicalChicken · 08/06/2018 04:01

Mum is terrified of the general anaesthetic as a close relative developed dementia after a GA.

Might be worth asking if they can it under local? Or an epidural? I had a big operation under local that should have been under GA because I was scared of the GA. Mine was the first one the doctor had done under local. He thought I was mad, but was sympathetic and let me have my way.

Wishing your mum all the best. Please keep us updated. I know we're all just strangers on the internet, but Mumsnet often feels like family.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 04:03

She's in her late eighties so I think this is making thr outlook bad. Google tells me two year survival rates are between eight and forty percent

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 04:04

She's going to ask about epidural
I don't know what to do as she doesn't want me to phone her.
I think I will wait until tonight when I have some child free time

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noodles44 · 08/06/2018 04:14

It depends on the size, how deep it is attached and ease for removal as to the treatment plan.
Someone has to be the 8-40% and it could easily be your Mum.
My grandma had breast cancer at 91 and ended up being on tablets for the rest of her life (a further 5 years) that basically stopped it growing.
They may be able to do something similar for your Mum, esp if she is reluctant to have a ga.
Try not to google too much, as from experience, it does not always help.
Dad had a bladder infection from them taking the tubes out, I cannot think why it was now, but my hazy memory thinks that he should have had antibiotics and didn't. That is why he aged and became quite doddery for a while due to a uti ...

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 04:17

Thanks.
I don't know how to support her and don't know how I'm going to cope at work today.

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noodles44 · 08/06/2018 04:29

You are in shock at the moment, try not to worry about how you support her going forwards just yet, as once she has a treatment plan it will make it easier to see what you are able to help with when you know what is happening.

Are you able to go to the appointments with her?
My dad always took my mum as he didn't remember all the detail well as was panicking. Mum took notes which helped after the appointment.

Try to get some sleep for a couple of hours if you can now. It is a scary diagnosis, but hopefully a treatable one.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 04:35

Thank you
I will if she wants me to. She probably won't.

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MrsDilber · 08/06/2018 05:38

Hand hold here, op 💐

Hope there are people at work you can confide in and let them know, so they will understand why you're not yourself. Might take some pressure off.

So sorry you're going through this.

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skukuza · 08/06/2018 05:49

A hand hold from me too OP.

If it makes you feel better, my grandma had bladder cancer about 5/6 years ago. Her bladder was removed and she now has a stoma (?) bag that collects her urine. Once she got used to it, it didn't bother her at all.

She'll be 90 very soon and is looking forward to her birthday celebrations.

I hope your mum is ok.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 07:21

My boss knows. Well, he will when he reads his emails.

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weaselwords · 08/06/2018 11:51

Oh mate.... I hope you are ok?

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noodles44 · 08/06/2018 18:06

How was work?
I hope you managed to grab a little more sleep this am and work was manageable.

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user546425732 · 08/06/2018 22:36

ok..ish. Tears in my break but I kept it going the rest of the day.
Thanks.

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user546425732 · 09/06/2018 11:55

not coping with this, i just want to go to bed and sleep.
i saw her this morning, she's doing a very good job of putting a brave face on it so I don't get why I'm not coping with it when she is seemingly able to.

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noodles44 · 10/06/2018 14:53

It is tough, you think about all the things she will potentially miss out on (& you) probably in preparation in your head for the worst diagnosis.
It may not be the worst diagnosis, and it could be very treatable. Once there is a plan in place it will make it easier. The unknown and the waiting to find out is the worst. Be kind to yourself and go to bed for a bit if possible.
You will cope, whatever the news going forward. I did this exact same thing when my Dad was diagnosed, I think it takes a bit of getting used to. I found it hard to tell anyone at first without breaking down too. I think this is a normal reaction.

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noodles44 · 10/06/2018 14:58

My Dad had a couple of wobbles when going through chemo, I was pregnant at the time and having morning sickness, so we made a right pair. He seemed to handle the diagnosis ok & was very positive at the outset though, when I was struggling to accept the news.

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user546425732 · 11/06/2018 07:50

noodles sorry that you went through it with your Dad.
I'm struggling this morning, I don't know how I'll cope at work today. I've agreed to work overtime as well to help out a colleague :-(

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noodles44 · 12/06/2018 15:07

Keeping busy may be what helps the most, that or wine ...
Once diagnosed, the appointments all come through quite quickly, I hope you find out what the treatment plan is soon and it helps get your head around it.